Would you let a friend help you pay your debts?

A question about : Would you let a friend help you pay your debts?

I managed to pluck up the courage and tell a friend about my debts and he has offered to loan me some money to pay them. I thought this would be better than totally messing up my credit file and doing a DMP. So far I have 1 default so if I can prevent more it may be better in the long run. My relationship has broken down and I may need a mortgage in future. I told the friend that I will pay back the loan in instalments when I get paid each month from work. The amount I need is 10k. I've never asked anyone for money before and it's a bit scary. I haven't told him the amount I need yet- just that I need help. Should I tell him a lesser amount or ask for the whole 10k? What would you do? I'm grateful for the offer but a bit worried.

Best answers:

• It's usually been the other way around in the past with me giving money to family and friends. And what happens when you fall out.
  In answer to your question Op. As a last resort if there was any other way out, take that.
• I agree with Sam, personally I think friendship is a fickle thing and resentment can build easily, I would thank your friend for the offer but politely decline and let him know you wouldn't want to put that pressure on your friendship.
  However, everyone is different, ensure you EXHAUST every other opportunity and if he is your last chance then write down pros and cons and make your decision based on logic not your heart.
• I would tell your friend that you would rather keep your friendship as it is than risk it by borrowing money. There is a reason for the saying - neither a borrower or a lender be - either can spoil a friendship and when you have problems it is better to have a friend than a creditor. Sounds like a really good friend you've got there. If you already have one default then it isn't going to make much difference as it will stay with you for 6 years anyway. Keep the friend and hope they realise that you will not be able to spend lots on socialising but will still make the effort to keep in touch.
• If it wasn't for my best friend I'd have ended up in a real mess. Pre-lightbulb my head was buried in the sand, my bank sent me a letter saying they were reducing my overdraft by Ј400, and as I was living in my overdraft at the time I had no hope of sorting it out myself. It was a real wake up call, and my friend loaned me the money to kick start my change.
  I've also been on the other end, loaning money to another friend to help them out, who promptly moved town and never paid me back.
  I guess it all depends on your relationship with your friend, and your will to get your finances under control.
• Hi
  I would tell your friend the full extent of your debt, and NOT borrow from them. Ask them for help in SAVING money instead (would they help you car boot perhaps) or car share on trips to the supermarket. That way they could help you without risking their finances and a friendship.
• I would say thanks but no thanks. Essentially this would be just like getting a consolidation loan which rarely works. People tend to consolidate and the rack up the debt again so end up twice as badly off as when they started.
  I think in the long run it would be better to examine your finances to determine exactly why you were living in your overdraft each month. Work out where Ј10k of debt has come from and learn to live to a realistic budget. Once you're on top of your finances then you'll be able to save more for a deposit.
  Perhaps a DMP isn't quite needed yet. Maybe you just need to calculate an honest statement of affairs at this stage to see where to cut back.
  I know it must be tempting to take the money but this seems like a good friend so don't ruin things by bringing money into the friendship.
• I personally would say thanks, but no thanks to the loan.....when I was paying off my dmp I needed friends who understood that I wouldn't be able to afford a meal out and drinks to celebrate something or how anti-brands/logos I am.
  On the plus side, I have massive pride that I built up the debt and I paid them off
  Hope this helps
  Candy
• Have you actually told your friend how much is involved?
  Maybe he thinks it's only a couple of hundred quid.
• Your relationship has just broken down and a male friend has offered to help you out with a significant amount of money (I assume from your username you are female), are you sure he doesn't have a little bit of an ulterior motive? Cos if there are feelings of any sort involved this could get messy in the future.
  Would I take a loan? No I wouldn't, tbh I wouldn't borrow a tenner let alone Ј10,000.. I'd rather sell all my stuff and eat beans on toast. However although I don't think you should take his money, that doesn't mean your friend can't help you out in other ways. If he's good with money he could help you draw up a budget, help you put some stuff on ebay or do a car boot together, provide moral support etc. If things are really bad then give one of the debt charities a ring.
• Lightbulb moment me thinks.
  If you haven't divulged full facts to your friend did you divulge full facts to the commercial lenders?
  Post your SoA on the debt free wannabe file and have the courage to sort your own affairs. You will need your friendships intact and I suspect borrowing from friends may not be the best option
• As a general rule I will lend family a three figure sum, or friends a two figure sum. The same has been true in reverse in the past. Neither figure would ruin a relationship in my opinion. A four figure sum could. A five figure sum would probably...
• Unless your friend is a multimillionaire (so Ј10k is pocket change to him), I don't think you should borrow from him.
  Even if he is extremely rich, I don't think you should borrow without disclosing everything you can about your finances - including all your income, expenditure, and debts. With a commercial lender, you answer the questions they've asked. If you want money from a friend, I think you have a moral duty to be absolutely upfront about their chances of getting paid.
• I would say that it all depends on the reason why you got into debts in the first place and how good you are with money management. If you go into debts you can't manage any longer because you are bad with money and spending over all, then I would say definitely don't do it as the risk that you will get back into your bad habits are too high to risk not messing about again.
  If however you got into debts because of something that happened that you had no control over, that you are now assured that the circumstances have changed, and you can trust yourself with managing your money, then I would go for it, but would ensure that the money came as a direct debit the same day than being paid.
• 10k is an awful lot to lend from a friend. No paperwork, no legal recourse, no structure. I'd decline as I think it's asking for trouble.
• Totally agree with others on here, don't do it! That said, having a friend who knows your financial position can be a huge relief... Just don't borrow the money as you'll still be in debt, just this time to someone who can't afford you to not pay it back
  As mentioned already, post an SOA so we can make suggestions on where to save money, etc.
  If it comes down to going down the debt management route then so be it, it's not the end of the world and there is a lot of fantastic (free) help out there for you
  MB
• Hi, I would be unsure about borrowing from a friend. It could all go belly up if the friend needs the money back sooner than anticipated. If something did happen, like s/he had a new baby or decided to emigrate etc... I doubt you would be able to pay it all back immediately.
• Depends.
  If your friend is willing to lose Ј10k of his money and you're willing to lose your friendship then go for it.
  If not, then don't. Inevitably things happen in people's lives that alter agreements such as this. Perhaps you'll get sick and tired of being skint all the time and decide that it's time for a holiday, but in the meantime your friend has stumbled upon hard times and needs the money now more than he did at first. Suddenly resentment builds just like that.
  Personally I'd say no.
  I leant a friend Ј500 when I had some inheritance. When my inheritance was gone and I was out of work and could really use the money, he was out buying TVs and stuff. I ended up resenting him and never got it back.