Sorting personal arrangements with maintenance?

A question about : Sorting personal arrangements with maintenance?

So, i'm rather complicated I'm afraid! I have 2 daughters by two different dads (it's a looong story!) I am currently at my Mums trying to find somewhere to rent, my costs for looking after them aren't that high, but I want to get maintenance sorted soon because things are going to be much tighter once I find somewhere to move out to. I also don't want to have to go through child maintenance to get the payments if possible.

Dad of oldest daughter, who is 6, has been in and out of her life a bit, but he is back in her life for what seems like the foreseeable future, there is finally a proper schedule rather than just when he feels like it, he has a job, what seems like a stable relationship, and is renting his own place. He said about 4-5 months ago that he would really like to be contributing some maintenance now he is not in university and has a proper job, but nothing has happened so far. And if I do bring it up he avoids the question. I have no idea what he earns, would it be fair to ask him to provide a bit of info on his income and his outgoings? I want him to contribute but I don't want to begger him either. He doesn't seem to be completely skint, he is always treating my daughter to days out, and meals out and presents.

Dad of the youngest Daughter I split up with about 6 months ago, he also says he wants to contribute, but he is pretty skint, he has a new job, but his 1 hour 10 minute commute (which is to work and back home again) uses alot of petrol and he is still renting the two bed place we moved into, which I don't think is affordable, especially on a single income. But I can't tell him how to live his life can I? He also owes me around Ј300. I personally think he needs to move back with his Mum, save for a cheaper place nearer his work, and also pay me back while he is there, it wouldn't take him long to save up enough, a couple of months tops. I know what he earns, how much his rent is, and I used calculators to get an estimate on his petrol costs, and really even if he doesn't pay me any maintenance he can barely afford to live where he is at the moment.

Either way, any advice on how I handle it? I don't want to ruin reasonable friendly relationships with both the fathers, but I also think they should both be contributing something, even if its only a bit? I really don't think that's unreasonable...?

Thank you anyone who read this far!

Best answers:

• RAS, I'm not sure, we where renting off his brother and he took his time getting a contract sorted actually sorted out, I believe my ex does have a contract now, but I don't see why my name would be on it as I was gone by then, he made me leave about 2 weeks after we had moved in.
  I don't see his brother refusing to let him end his tenancy, he wasn't even going to rent out the house out until he heard we where looking for a place.....
• First off - the maintenance isn't for you, it's for the children. You should not concern yourself with your ex's finances - that is for them to sort! Make sure that the previous tenancy that you shared has been closed down and then apply via the CSA in order to get the correct amounts.
  It is very easy to think don't rock the boat, and keep them sweet, but even if you put all the money into a savings account for the children to have when they are 18, just think how much that will help them when they start into adulthood.
  My ex paid nothing, and dodged the system to do this. My daughter didn't suffer as I worked in up to 3 jobs at a time to make sure that she got what she needed... but had she had even Ј5 a week for the 9 years from when we split it would have been a nice sum to start her at university.
• I totally get that it's for the children, but it's not going to be of benefit to the children if maintenance payments prevent their dads from coming and seeing them, older ones dad lives about 30 miles away, and the younger ones dad (the one who is already skint) lives nearly 65 miles away. I don't drive so I can't take them except if I spend a fortune on public transport.... It's not completely about trying not to rub them up the wrong way, although I would rather not do that too if I can help it. That doesn't mean i'm going to be a doormat either though. I just want it to be fair really
• Maybe you should ask both dads to work out what they should pay on the Child Support calculator. If they come back to you with a reasonable figure set up a written agreement with each dad, if they don't live up to the agreement open a claim for child support and make it more formal. At least you will have given them the chance to do the right thing. Good for you in recognising that enabling your children to have strong relationships with both parents requires effort and compromise, but make sure that the dads realise that regular child support is not optional, it is their responsibility.
• Stick up for your daughters, because their fathers won't. Take them both to CSA, if they love their daughters they'll walk on hot coals in order to see them.
• Oh absolutely child support is not optional, it's more about how I work out how much they will pay with them, it sounds like a good idea to send them to the child support calculator so they can take a look themselves and come back to me with an offer.