Real life MMD: My ex paid for the hol, should I keep the refund?

A question about : Real life MMD: My ex paid for the hol, should I keep the refund?

Money Moral Dilemma: My ex paid for the hol, should I keep the refund?

I went out with a man for 8 weeks. He got carried away and started booking outings and a holiday about three weeks in, costing him Ј1,700. We have broken up. On the holiday website he put me as the lead passenger, as his address was in a state of flux. Now he's cancelled it and the refund cheque's being sent and payable to me. He has a Ј60,000-a-year job and I'm unemployed with 2 young children, a situation he was aware of.

Click reply to have your say

Previous MMDs: View All

This Forum Tip was included in MoneySavingExpert's weekly email
Don't miss out on new deals, loopholes, and vouchers
FAQs
Privacy Policy
Past Emails
Unsubscribe

Best answers:

• Absolutely not
• No, you must return the money.
• Send the cheque back to the holiday company with a covering letter, and then them sort it out with him.
  If you cash it, you will end up with a lot of hassle potentially and it won't be worth it.
  He is a twit though.
• No! Absolutley not! Thats theft at the end of the day.
• He paid for it so he should get the money back. How would you feel if it was the other way round? It's stealing to keep it.
• If I was in your situation, to be completely honest it would depend on how we broke up, if he was horrid or nasty I might be tempted to keep it, if we broke up on good terms though then no way would I keep it.
  You never know, he may tell you to keep it though if he's in a well paid job. Might not matter to him.
• Can't believe someone has even considered asking this.
• Seriously?
  No wonder the average IQ is 100 - there have to be some people in double figures.
  It's his money!!!
• You should absolutely not keep this money. To do so would be theft. This is not, nor ever was, your money, and you have no right whatsoever to it. I am surprised that this would even be a dilemma.
• Send the cheque to him and he can contact the holiday company to get the cheque in his name, or return the cheque to the company explaining what has happened. His money is HIS money - no matter the situation!
  Be a good example to your children rather than stealing what is not yours.
• Even if he earns 60k a year, that would still be half of his monthly payslip!!! I doubt many people wouldn't miss half their payslip in a month
• Real life MMDs are getting worse. How is this even a dilemma?! No, don't steal from your ex. Don't show your children that stealing is ok. Don't even try to justify it by saying he was aware of your situation. Your situation isn't his problem or an excuse.
• Wow, MSE must be short of dilemmas this week to post this one.
  As per the majority of other posts, you are basically asking "should I steal someone's hard-earned money"? Very simple and obvious answer here.
  If you wish to use your personal circumstances to justify this, you may as well use them to justify shoplifting or robbing a bank.
  How would you feel if someone stole your benefit cheque?
• Seriously?
  Need to try harder, MSE!
  (Devil's advocate moral dilemma - should I report the OP for implicitly advocating an illegal action?)
• Absolutely not! It's his money and taking it is theft and a very poor example to set your children. Your contrasting financial situations are completely irrelevant.
  I'm glad I'm not the only one who fails to see the moral dilemma here. Often I sit on the fence but this is easy. Perhaps the OP is seeking to establish whether they actually have any morals at all? Answer: no.
• Whether you're unemployed or super wealthy, the money is his. Keeping it would effectively be a form of legal theft. And justifying keeping it simply because he's better off than you is morally bankrupt.
  Do the right thing, pay it back and live without guilt.
• As others have said how is this a dilemma? The money was never yours and you should send it back with an explanation
• To be fair, whilst morally it is theft, I dont think it is theft in the legal sense as they settle to the lead passenger- I suspect in the T&Cs of the holiday booking it explained who they would return the money to in the instance of cancellation...and ultimately he chose to sign to this agreement (whether or not he read it is his own fault really).
  I would also say there's more to this dilemma than first appears. For instance, if he had bought her a piece of jewelery for the equivalent worth, would everyone claim it was also stealing for her to keep it, or even sell it? This appears worse because the holiday didnt occur- but you could argue it is similar to giving someone something of worth in the relationship and them cashing in on it afterwards.
  Personally, I would still give the money back, because I dont like the idea of feeling like I owe favours to people, especially exes. However, there is also a part of me that says it is kind of stupid of him to be buying expensive holidays 3 weeks in, and signing off the value of the holiday to this 3 week partner because he clearly didnt appreciate the T&Cs. You have to think about the sort of person that does that-I'd say he was one of or all of foolish, money-wasting, showy/buying relations, reckless...
• I would cash the cheque and tell him if he wants the money he will have to contact you for it and put it in an easy access account with a good rate of interest and you can keep the interest for however long its in there.