What should we know before we start TTC?

A question about : What should we know before we start TTC?

To cut a long story short, 2015 would appear to be the start of the TTC era for me and DH. I'm excited, but terrified by the great unknown which is coming my way. I hope that's normal!

I've been covertly gathering pre-conception advice from friends for a while, but I've not dared inform them of our plans this early on, so instead I'm asking all you lovely people who've hopefully got words of wisdom to share - what should we know/do before starting this journey?

Best answers:

• It could take a long time or it could happen on your first go! Our eldest I was on the pill, but just started the Atkins diet and fell pregnant. Our second was the first time of trying.
  You may sail through your pregnancy or you may feel ill from day one.
  You may want to wait until you are 12 weeks or you may want to tell people from early on. (A very close friend lost two babies fairly early on, she said it was harder telling people the first time because they hadn't told people she was pregnant, the second time she told people she was pregnant early on)
  People WILL give you advice even if you don't ask for it.
  Remember it is your body, your pregnancy, your baby. Do what is right for your family unit rather than having to fit in with others/extended family.
• You don't 'glow' in pregnancy. You get fat, you get stretchmarks, you get horrendous heartburn, you get sick morning, noon and night, you get tired and can't sleep in any comfy position, your feet swell and you go to the shop and forget what you went in for. And cry. A lot - usually over the aforementioned problems.
  (Obviously not everyone )
  But you certainly don't glow. Whoever invented that saying has obviously never been pregnant.
• Start taking folic acid now. The ideal is to be taking it for three months pre-conception and for at least the first twelve weeks of pregnancy to help prevent neural tube defects. The neural tube develops before you'll get a positive pregnancy test, hence the advice is to start your folic acid the minute you come off contraception.
  Also, if you go for a multivitamin, avoid vitamin A from animal sources - retinol - it can cause birth defects. Instead choose one where vitamin A is in the form of beta-carotenes - the plant sourced type - it's pretty impossible to overdose on this type.
  Even if you do, you'll only turn orange, and it won't harm your baby.
• Newborn babies are fairly cheap, but its the longer term that becomes more expensive:
  Will you return to work at the end of your maternity leave
  Can you afford to work part time, will your employer let you
  Will your partners employers let them work flexibly
  Who will look after the baby if you go back to work
  If family, are they reliable, do they understand the level of commitment
• As well as folic acid, vitamin D too. And iron levels often drop during pregnancy, so now might be a good time to get on the steak. The whole process takes a huge toll on the body so it's good to prepare yourself as well as possible beforehand. Most women experience at least a few weeks of pregnancy where they don't have a huge amount of control over what they eat, it's just a question of what stays down- so nutrition can go out of the window at that time.
  Otherwise, what type of stuff are you asking- ways to maximise your chances, financing, rights at work? All of the above?
• You might conceive the first month or it might take you more than a year. It can be quite stressful when you've spent years trying not to get pregnant and then you do the deed loads and it doesn't work. You can increase your chances by understanding your cycle length, when you ovulate and what days you are most fertile. I found the app Fertility Friend quite useful for this as well as the TTC thread on this board.
  Start eating healthily now, as it's good to have a store of nutrients. Plus it's good to lose weight if you need to as it will minimise how much you'll want to lose after and not being overweight is better for conceiving.
  Stop buying clothes for yourself now as you won't need them while pregnant, you might be heavier for a while after and then your body shape might be different long term. So they might be a waste of money and you'll need that cash to pay for maternity clothes, which add up as what you wear mid pregnancy is different from late pregnancy due to bump size. I tried buying maternity clothes cheap off ebay but I ended up getting stuff that didn't fit right or I didn't really need. So NCT nearly new sales and Mum2Mum markets are great for picking up clothes as you can see them in person, plus these sales are fantastic for getting baby bargains.
• You might want to get your rubella immunity checked because the vaccination you probably got at school doesn't necessarily last forever. If not immune you can get the MMR but then I think it's advised that you wait a few months before trying for a baby.
• I'd say get your teeth cleaned as pregnancy hormones can make gums really sore! Bad dental health is linked to prem birth weirdly.
• All good points made above (especially the stuff about not glowing! ).
  If you're on the pill, you may want to come off it a few months before you start TTC as it can take a while for your body to get back to normal. It took a good 6 months for my cycles to get into any reasonable pattern.
  Oh, and enjoy yourselves now while you can! Book a fabulous holiday, eat loads of the food that you won't be allowed during pregnancy and generally just try to embrace this time rather than get stressed about it. Remember that the baby won't take anything from you for the first few weeks so if you do have a night out and get drunk the week before you find out you're pregnant, you won't have caused any harm.
• The average time it takes a couple in the UK with no fertility issues to fall pregnant is 5 cycles. A perfectly healthy couple could take 1 cycle or 10 - it doesn't mean there is a problem, although you'll no doubt be worrying after the first few months. The window for conception is very, very small and even if conception occurs the egg might not implant. I second the advice about folic acid. Also if you're on any ongoing medication speak to your gp prior to conception about if it's safe or if you need moving onto something else. Plan your budget, even though everyone panics about maternity leave a lot of families find that actually that's the easy part, it's all the classes, days out, new clothes, new shoes, childcare etc that come after that' the hard part.
• Don't expect it to happen within the first year, or the second, or the third or fourth...I had to live with disappointment for many pregnancy tests.
  You can't put your life on hold because you *may* become a parent. Keep living as normal - apply for the promotion, spend as normal, save as normal.
  Know that a sad statistic of pregnancy is that one in 3 end in natural miscarriage before 12 weeks.
  Sorry that this is all negative - I just wish someone had told me this before as we had a long time before the blue line appeared, and the more people I talk to, the more I realise that our pregnancy experience is quite normal but no one talks about these bits - it's only the "woohoo I'm pregnant" part which most people hear and see, but the rest of the hurt and pain leading up to it is a part of their TTC journey.
• I'm 8 months pg now and this is what I've learnt...
  Do:
  - accept that getting pregnant might be immediate or it might take months
  - start taking folic acid now or you could go a step further and take particular pregnancy vitamins
  - allow some time for your body to get back to normal if you have recently come off hormonal contraception
  - (if you want) take some control and use opk kits, thermometers etc. As someone else said, there is a small window in which to conceive
  - start saving now, no matter what your plans are with regards to maternity leave/going back to work - it gives you more options
  - start buying baby stuff as and when you feel comfortable - we bought most things between 20-30 weeks (after the anomaly scan but before I got too massive to contemplate all day shopping trips)
  Don't:
  - get obsessed with TTC or put your life on hold because of it
  - have any expectations from the pregnancy. Some people have good pregnancies and others don't
  - compare yourself to other women's TTC journeys/pregnancies/other couples. Everyone is different
  - waste money on maternity clothes before you need them. I've managed to get by only buying a few items
• thanks for this, planning coming off pill next month
• There is a TTC thread on the main relationships board, come and join us!
  Main thing is that it can take a while for the pill to get out your system, and you should start taking folic acid as soon as you stop taking the pill. I use ovulation test strips, these are much cheaper from Amazon than in the shops. Bear in mind not everyone ovulates on day 14 and has a 28 day cycle, my cycle varies from 30-45 days and I ovulate around day 23 usually!
• You should know that kids give you a MASSIVE HEADACHE!!!
  Sorry, I'm having one of those days, my 1-year-old has started terrible 2s early!! I'm also 7 months pregnant so have zero patience!!
  Anyway, pps have covered most of the important bits. I will repeat the folic acid advice though, it's so important that you take it.
  I wouldn't buy too much stuff. You may get some nice gifts for baby from friends & family, plus a lot of the stuff you can buy once baby is here. As long as he/she is fed, clean, clothed & has somewhere to sleep then all is well
  Be as open minded as you can when you write your birth plan. Births are rarely textbook, and it's not often that mum's get exactly what they want. And ignore horror stories as people just like to tell everyone how 'awful' it was as they feel so proud that they got through it. If I wrote my birth story down you'd think "omg that's awful" but it wasn't that bad.
  People will give you unwanted advice. Just smile & nod