Ex boyfriend demanding I pay debts

A question about : Ex boyfriend demanding I pay debts

Hi

I was with my ex for 14 years. During the last 8 years of our relationship he lost his job and did not get a new one. This caused us to get into thousands of pounds worth of debt because we had to live off of my wages only and because as you do when you have no money, I had to borrow from Peter to give to Paul etc.

I finally left him nearly 2 years ago and upon leaving, with the help of my parents and finally having some money of my own I paid off over Ј3000 worth of debt and am now as far as I am concerned, debt free.

However, this morning, my ex sent me a message via Facebook stating that his new girlfriend opened the door to a bailiff last week who demanded some money to go away. He wants to know who its for and for what.

He then went on to give me a big sob story about how he is so much debt and has been evicted, has to move into his mums etc etc and has stated that he wants me to tell him who I paid and how much because there is more outstanding and that he can not cope and that he 'may' need my help to pay it off because they are joint debts.

I have explained that as far as I am concerned, I have paid off my debts and I am not paying anything else until he has given me the details in writing; that I am not dealing with his money requests over email or text anymore.

I have checked my Experian report and according to them, I do not owe any money and I am not in default nor to I have any CCJ's.

What can I do to stop him from contacting me about monies owed? I preferably do not want to call any companies because as they always do, once they have your contact details they latch on to you and I really do not want any more association with him and his way of living. Hence why I left.

Where do I go from here, how do I find out what is owed and even if they are not in mine/joint names but are from the time we were together; do I have to pay them?

Best answers:

• Firstly, you need to insist he gives you a full breakdown that demonstrates exactly your share of any potential joint debts, pref including statements/recipts etc and if any of them are in your name. Make it clear this is the very last time you are going to consider this and any settlement resulting will be full and final, with no further communication. If he ignores that, you will have grounds against him, in several ways. Constantly coming back at you post-relationship over money, property or other things is a recognised controlling/harassing tactic and needs to be stopped in its tracks.
  If the debts are not in your name (singly or jointly) and he can't prove them, then its entirely your decision if you "help" him or not - if its all in his name and your earlier payment of Ј3k stisfies any moral contribution to your past debts, then you are fully entitled to tell him to take a hike.
  Also, do you have any paperwork that shows your previous payments covered your share of any debt - if so, that stregthens your position considerably.
  If its any help, when I broke-up with my ex, I produced just such a statement, with proof of her share of outstanding debts and gave her copies. We amicably agreed a payment schedule in writing - she stuck to it, paying by bank transfer and we had no need to communicate again.
• Excellent advice from Pogofish.
  You don't say (or need to say - it's nobody's business but yours) how the relationship ended but your tone suggests it wasn't amicable. My first thought was "Facebook ?!? "
  If this was a "proper" bailiff and you owed money you'd have seen a CCJ on your credit file. It's highly unlikely given the timescales you've provided for this to have dropped off your credit file. More likely to be a doorstep collector.
  As Pogofish said, evidence of these debts is essential. A collection agency would have to prove you owe it and so should your ex. Right now you don't know if these are debts from the relationship or something he has incurred since.
  Personally I'd do absolutely nothing until I had hard proof that I was liable - except perhaps block him on Facebook!
  Kate x
• Tricky situation...
  Technically speaking, you are as you say - debt free and unless something comes out of the wood work the rest of the debt appears to be in his name.
  Legally, if the rest of the debt is in his name then its "his problem", morally, I would argue - given the fact that you have supported him for 8 years while he was unemployed AND you paid off Ј3,000 of the debt. I would consider this a fair contribution.
  Frankly, I think he is just trying his luck and has perhaps used you as an excuse to his new partner to excuse the bailiff, and she has pressured him to contact you, even though the likely hood is that its his debt.
  I think your very much better off without him and should cut all contact with him.
• wow littlelondonlass - I am shocked as how similar our situations are! My ex husband tried the very same thing - the reason I left too was after racking up 000's of debt and him not wanting to get a job.
  I asked him to provide the credit agreements for the debts to show they were jointly my responsibility...he didn't reply....
• Block him on face book.
• Thanks everyone. You've pretty much said what a friend of mine told me yesterday but I wondered if it were to come back on me in any way.
  It wasn't amicable. I left him. I'd had enough and I am now in a happy relationship with a man who is the complete opposit in every way.
  He contacted me via FB because I blocked his number on my phone after several very nasty text messages and threats to kill himself.
  Annoyingly I moved house last week and upon sorting through my paperwork, I threw out my confirmations of closure letters thinking I would not need them. He has a habit of popping up when things are going well ..
  From what he has said, they are debts from when we were together, including council tax etc but I am sure I paid these off last year. A lot has happened since I left including two house moves and a baby so my memory isn't the best as it is.
  What I've told him is that I will go through my bank account and state what debit card transactions there are around the time I paid everything off. This is the only 'proof' I have as to what was paid.
  I have told him that I want a list of what is outstanding but he doesn't know himself. Yet, if these debts were in my name surely they would be on my credit file??? My friend said that maybe his ex has the wrong side of the story and has been told that I have left him in debt to save face. He is quite a good liar sadly.
  My friend also said the same, to not do anything until he has given me in writing what is outstanding and even then, if they are not in my name he can not technically do anything about it - not that I think he would go down the legal route.
  It's more upsetting that he is making me keep this from my current partner because it will only cause trouble between us like it nearly did last time he did this.
• Council tax won't show on your credit file so it might be worth contacting the council to see if you did owe anything
• Sit your new partner down and tell him. The last thing you need is this escalating and causing more problems. Set out everything you've told us and if needs be show him this thread.
  This "man" (in the loosest sense of the word) is an ex for a reason. Do not allow him to tarnish your present or your future.
  Kate x
• Hello there,
  There are some fantastic posts from the others in this thread already. I just wanted to reiterate the advice about the council tax. Please do double-check with the council to ensure that there isn't an outstanding liability. Council tax is a priority debt and as such the enforcement options that the council has can be quite severe - bailiffs being a particular favourite with them.
  If, on the off chance, there is council tax arrears, we have a useful fact sheet on our website: https://www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/...y/Default.aspx
  With joint debts either party can be held liable for the whole amount outstanding - this is known as the rule of 'joint and several liability'.
  Very best wishes,
  David @ National Debtline.
• Thank you. I will do as you say and see where it goes. Thanks again all.
• Hi
  Do not engage with him regarding debts. Just stop it as this only leads him to believe that you are taking responsibiulity for it.
  Check your credit records (all three).
  And contact the local council where you lived together in case there are outstanding CT liabilities. You did write to them and tell them when you left? If not, you may need to provide proof of your leaving if they are chasing debts after that date.
• Details on the 3 credit reference agaencies and how to check them here : https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loa...-credit-report
• just shrug your shoulders and move on
• Until he has some solid proof of exactly what is owed and by whom I would cut all communication with him. Completely.
  I would suggest Facebook is probably not the best/safest way to do this communication either... Maybe set up a separate e-mail account so that you can keep a paper trail of all correspondence between you, or better still, tell him that all communication will be through a solicitor...
  Worst case scenario, if he continues to harass you, contact the Police. The debt is a civil matter, but there's no need for continuous harassment!
  Remember, as others have said, that he is an ex for a reason... These people have a habit of rearing their ugly heads when they can see you're getting your life together and moving on...
  Keep your chin up, make sure your new partner is aware of the situation and tackle it as a team...
  Best of luck!!
  Shoot x