Diagnosed with terminal cancer

A question about : Diagnosed with terminal cancer

I've just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and want to get everything in order for when the inevitable happens.

I'm 39, married with 2 kids (7 and 9).

My wife doesn't work, all of the household bills are in my name and are paid from my bank account.

I have a cash ISA and several shares ISAs in my name, can I transfer them to my wife?

I know I need to sort out a will, but are we better off transferring as many things as possible into my wife's name now or waiting?

Thanks for your help.

Best answers:

• I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis.
  Have you been in touch with Macmillan? They're great at helping you sort out all the practicalities involved with a cancer diagnosis so you can focus on the more important stuff.
  Estate planning is listed as one of the services they provide.
  https://www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCan...danceTool.aspx
• I am sorry to hear your news, you must feel like the wind has been taken from your sails. Please speak to your MacMillan nurse as s/he will have a lot of really good / leaflets for you about managing your finances.
  As an aside (to maximise your income) please consider applying for DLA - there are special fast track rules for terminal illness.
  This forum was helpful to me when my mum got ill:
  https://www.cancerforums.net/index.php
  It might be easier for your wife if you transferred all of the utilities etc into her name now so that she won't have to have the difficult discussions later - you know, the ones where they insist because of 'data protection' to speak to the bill-payer... that would be a great practical help for her.
  Also, maybe just sit and write her some lists about things she needs to know. Label the fusebox and explain the heating system. let her know where the stopcock is and all that other practical stuff... if she's not ready to hear it (shock and not wanting to think about the future) then you could write her a manual.
  I know it must be really hard to see this at the moment but there is a small positive from your situation in that you do have the chance to prepare your family for the future - please don't underestimate that. You have the chance to talk and share your feelings with them and they will welcome that. Some families don't get that chance where there is a sudden accident - you still have time to make a difference to their future.
  You also have the chance to talk to your children and allay some of their fears... and leave them with some great memories to help them through the hard times.
  I found this book really helpful as it is very practical and matter of fact... I'd really recommend it for your wife (and maybe for you if you feel strong enough):
  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Goodnight-De...8402558&sr=8-1
  Unfortunately, it only seems to be on kindle.
  Ver best wishes...
• I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis - it must be devastating for both you and your wife.
  Really sorry to raise this but is she your wife or your common law partner, because if the latter then you really, really need to ensure that there is a will.
  I would really advise you making a will via a solicitor, anyway - it clarifys matters and banks and other institutions will want a copy or site of the original after your death.
  If you own your house, whose name is it in? If not in both your names you really need to get this sorted - will or no.
  Whose name is the bank account in - both of you or yours solely? Get a joint account as this will mean your wife is not cut off from funds and an account.
  Tell her that when you die nearly everybody she will contact will have bereaved service staff who will understand what needs to happen and what to do/request from her.
  Alert her to probate. If there is a house involved then likely that she will need to apply for probate. This is no big deal and she needn't pay for a solicitor to do it - if the estate is simple she can do it on her own and save money.
  Sorry - but......talk to her. Tell her what you want for your funeral - what music, what service, where you want to be buried/or ashes scattered - believe me that will be such a relief to know she will do as you want rather than guessing.
  As other posters have advised go to the external agencies and get as much help as you can.
• Besides all of the above make sure she knows where all the important paperwork is- pension details, life insurance policies etc. Double check what can be claimed on them - when my husband was terminally ill we nearly missed out on an early pension, death in service benefit and a critical illness clause because they'd been read, put away and never thought about again.
  Make a list of all the accounts you have investments in - am fairly sure Isa's aren't transferable.
  Add the name of a trusted IFA if you have one, directions to the 'what to do' sticky at the top of forum and details of Winston's wish for help with your children's grief.
  keep talking, good luck and best wishes for a smooth journey
• Thanks for the replies.
  I haven't spoken to MacMillan yet. I guess that would be a good place to start, closely followed by a Solicitor. Any advice on picking one, short of just using a well known search engine, and what's reasonable in terms of fees? My wife is defiantly my wife, not common law partner and all the bank accounts/credit cards/utilities are solely in my name, along with the various ISAs.
  Currently we don't own a house but are looking to claim against the Terminal Illness clauses on my 2 life insurance policies. This will hopefully mean we can buy a house out right and leave enough that my wife won't have to worry about money straight away. Would she have any inheritance tax liability?
  Thanks again for your help.
• P.S. on the funeral front, I'm holding out for a Pirate themed on (parrots optional) with an ice cream van )
• So sorry to hear of your news.
  Have you thought of writing letters to your children for when they are older? My dear friend did this when she had her diagnosis. She also bought them presents for their 18th and 21st birthdays.
  Kindest,
  CS
• My parent had this last year. From what we've been through, my first thoughts are:
  1] Plan your funeral/cremation. The only instructions we had were the method and location .... no clues about which hymns, or what to do with the ashes etc (we've still not done anything on this front).
  2] Get all bank accounts into joint names, get all bills in wife's name and on direct debit from the joint bank account. Upon producing a death certificate the bank will change the joint account into her single name and there'll be no problems/disruption there.
  We also struggled with contacts, names/addresses etc as there were many lists/books stretching back decades ... and no complete/up to date list of past friends, family, contacts etc. To this day we've still not managed to get hold of a few people to let them know he's gone.
• So sorry to read this. Keep the ISAs as they are for now or put the money into joint savings accounts, you might want to access the cash if you do purchase a house. As others have said double or triple check your wife is named in any work insurance/ death in service benefits or pension policies. Everything else can go in joint names and will easily transfer to your wife.
  Honestly Macmillan can help with everything from wills to inheritance tax, also the solicitor you select for the will can help with probate and inheritance tax issues. Also see here https://www.hmrc.gov.uk/inheritancetax/ Your wife should write a will too just in case, to make things clearer for the children. It is Will Aid month soon, I always think giving to charity can make a little good in something unpleasant. https://www.willaid.org.uk/
• Speaking as a widow and based on my friend's experiences....yes put all the utility bills in your wife's name now. It is soul destroying talking to some numpty who wants your dead husband's permission to speak to you and refuses to believe you when you tell them that they can't.
  Any savings should be put into a joint account for the time being as they can then belong to either party on the death of the other, prior to probate. Don't put them with Barclays (they sent me a lovely letter addressed to "Mr Deceased" to tell my late husband he owed a penny on his mortgage. Subsequent correspondence was also a big fail as they didn't bother to print off the apology letter or send the flowers that were by way of an apology. I'm not the only one that's had problems with them. Santander (formerly known as the Scabby Abbey) should also be given a very wide berth. One friend is still waiting for probate three years on. She can't complete the tax form as Santander won't tell her the total of her late husband's investments until she gets probate and she can't get probate because you have to have a total of the estate...which she can't get because Santander.....and so on.
  After the death of my husband three years ago, I made a will and it cost me Ј96. If I think of anything else, I'll give you a shout. Your wife is welcome to talk to me as well if she wants. I am a young widow - I was 42 with a 4 year old son when my husband died. I'm also going to send you a pm with a website that she will need one day (as much as I hope that miracles happen and she doesn't). It may well stop her from going round the bend one day. Hugs to your family.
• Remember with any will to include chattels (personal valuables). Seems very odd but my mother was absolutely devastated when following my father's death she had to go round saying what belonged to who, especially as anything we had was ours as a family.
  So sorry for you and your family with this devastating news.
• Thanks for all your advice.
  Hopefully the Will should be straight forward, with everything left to my wife bar a few specific items that I want to go to my son (medals etc) and daughter (wedding ring) when they are older.
  So to start tomorrow:
  Speak to MacMillan,
  Sort Will,
  Joint Bank Account (can I just add my wife i.e. keep the same account number and sort code?),
  Get her to open an cash ISA (and accept that we will loose the tax free status on the shares ISA when the time comes, though once the shares are in her name could she transfer them into an empty shares ISA?),
  Check my wife is down as beneficiary on all policies,
  Start thinking about funeral (I have some ideas on that front),
  Letters/memory boxes for the kids
  List all utilities and get them into my wife's name.
  Check car insurance to make sure she can still drive.
  Check tax rules and dig out all important documents.
  I've also got to make an appointment with the local hospice as the referral letter has come through.
  Try not to die just yet and enjoy time with wife and kids.
  Well, in between work, that should keep me busy for a few days; especially as I need to do this when the kids arn't around.
  Thanks again for everyone's time and kind thoughts.
• I'd forgotten about the car insurance. When you're widowed it goes up...something to do with the risk not being spread across more people. Lloyds TSB waived the increase for me when I had to take my husband's name off, but if your wife can add another named driver (if she has a dad or someone similar that she could use) then that brings the policy down again. I've just left mine as it is.
  If you don't have one already, buy a video camera, and make some videos of you with the kids. Also, have a photo taken with each child wearing a specific item of clothing. This item of clothing then becomes theirs to keep. Don't wash it, they will like it to smell of you. The other thing we have is a bear from the Bear Factory. Ours was unintentional, we didn't know what was going to happen, but my son has a recording of his daddy saying "night night, god bless, daddy loves you" that plays when you squeeze the bears tummy.
• Can I suggest your wife joins MSE forums and starts to read and post? Loads of moral support and giggles here if she wants that, but just an incredible amount of knowledge on financial matters across all the different forums. This might really help her since she doesn't seem to have been involved in the family finances recently, when I left my ex-husband and was struggling emotionally I found it difficult to even open official letters.
  Don't forget to fins out what benefits you are entitled to, everything will help towards you buying that house. ISA board here
  https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/...splay.php?f=18
• I don't want to intrude too much but I see that you've mentioned that you are still working... how long do you think you will be able to continue? Is it necessary (for sanity, money?) or could you get sick leave leading to medical retirement straight away?
  I know this sort of depends on the timeframe of your illness but I can't help thinking that you have enough on your plate without turning into work everyday as well.
  I work with someone who has a terminal illness but her 'timeframe' has been estimated in a few years... she has chosen to work for the time being to give her a routine and to occupy her mind but she regularly gets moments of frustration when her colleagues' attitudes do annoy her - our worries are usually very petty in comparison and I'm sure she just wants to scream at us sometimes as we still have the normality that was taken away when she got her prognosis.
  You know more than anyone that time is precious so... best wishes in your journey.
• I was given less than a year at my last appointment with the oncologist, though we will get a better idea in a few weeks when I get another scan to see if the latest round of treatment has worked.
  I'm still working part time, mainly for my sanity and partly as I don't know what else to do. I don't feel that ill at the moment and need to do something. Also, stopping work feels like I've given in to the cancer and I don't think I'm ready for that just yet.