What would you do in this situation (nursery and maternity leave)

A question about : What would you do in this situation (nursery and maternity leave)

Hi everyone,

I am facing a tough choice and am interested in others' opinion.

I have a boy (1-year-old) and am expecing my No. 2 this Feb. My husband wishes to keep DS in the nursery during my maternity leave as it not only gives him good stimuli and social interaction and but also allows me to concentrate on looking after the new baby. He also wants me to stay on the maternity leave as long as possible (52 weeks) for the benefit of me and the new baby.

While I feel very lucky to have such an understanding and generous husband, my heart is torned apart as the above choice has a huge impact on our household finance.

The nursery costs a fortune and his salary and my STM will just cover the usual household expenditures (mortgage, food, insurance, tax, etc.), meaning we need to fork out the nursery cost from our savings. I am likely to receive SMP only.

While we have sufficient savings to cover all the extra expenses even it I take my maternity leave for 52 weeks, we will see a huge drop in the saving (nursery cost is 900pounds per month).

My job allows me to work from home and I have help from my family over the summer (they stay at our place as they live abroad). Therefore, I feel that me staying on leave but sending my DS1 to nursery is what we can afford but a luxuary.

Being always a bit stingy and saver as well as the main earner and a bit workaholic, my original intention was 1) take DS1 out of the nursery once I start the maternity leave, 2) return to work in summer, 3) share the child care with me and my family. But now it turns out this is completely opposite of what my husband wishes for.

He let me have the final say on this but I am struggling to decide!

I need more serious thinking on this but it would be great if I could hear from others on what you would do if you were in my shoes.

Pakkun

Best answers:

• Why don't you put your son to nursery part time? You would have the best of both world's then. DS1 would have the outside stimulation and social interaction and you would have quality time with baby.
• What you do shouldn't be down to money IMO. I think the part time option seems a good one as it gives the best of both worlds
• Thank you chiefposession and mummyroysof3 for your response. Yes, I have been thinking about reducing the nursery while I am on maternity leave. As he goes to the nursery for four days per week at the moment, reducing it to two or two and a half would help us financially, though we still need to fund this from our savings.
  I think that I still have a pre-child mindset that I should keep saving every month which we could before having our DS1 and feel scared of the prospect that we will not save but rather use the existing savings, though I know that we have saved the money for this very purpose.
  Thank you for sharing your view on this.
  Pakkun
• When I went on maternity leave with my daughter I kept my son in nursery part time. This was partly because I thought it was important for him socially, partly so I would have more time to focus on the baby and partly to keep the nursery place open for him (round here we have long waiting lists).
  Also if you claim childcare vouchers your employer will have to pay them for you while you are on SMP.
• Do either you or hubby claim child care vouchers? I currently claim for full amount of Ј243 and my company see this as a 'benefit' in much the same way as holiday (so something I continue to get while on maternity leave) and so will continue to pay this amount whilst I am receiving smp. Maybe worth asking about?
  How old will little one be will you go on maternity leave? Are you eligible for the funding for 2 year olds?
  Also maybe worth considering movie from nursery to childminder? Still get stimulation and social interaction but can often be cheaper.
  Congratulations on your new impending arrival!!
• Thank you for your response, onlyroz and Always_Alone.
  And thank you for congratulating me on my second baby!
  No, I do not claim child care voucher but use salary sacrifice scheme which deduct the nursery fee from my salary before tax deduction. I do not understand the difference between them fully so may need to investigate which one give me more benefit.
  Our DS1 will be one and a half years old when the second baby arrives. I thought that the funding (15-hour free space?) is available from 3 years old. Is it from two? If so, it would be a great news!
  Pakkun
• Would you consider having lo1 in nursery for say 2 afternoons/ morning a week and return to work after 9 months?
• Another thing for you both to think about is who is going to get the toddler ready and to and from nursery? Doing that with a baby in tow may not be less work than looking after them both at home.
• Thank you for your reply, 9ja4life and theoretica.
  Yes, I have considered sending DS1 only in the morning/afternoon to reduce the nursery fee. I need to ask the nursery whehter this is possible. Ideally, I would like to send him to the same nursery rather than the childminder as it is most liley that we will send both children there once I return to work (the nursery belongs to the workplace) and changing his environment frequently may upset him.
  Re: logistic issue, this is what I am concerned about. Since we have no family members nearby, it would be probably me to take him to and back from the nursery. While it could be doable while my No.2 is yet to be born (though driving a car with a huge bump is not ideal), taking DS1 to the nuresry when I look after the new baby could be problematic. I considered transfering him to a nearby nursery but as mentioned above, I would rather keep him in the same place.
  So many things to think about!
  I really admire those who look after two or more children whose age gap is small!
  Pakkun
• first off, Congratulations.
  I would lean towards the idea of sending your son to nursery part time, for the reasons others have given.
  However, I would also put off making a final decision until the new baby arrives - after all, until it happens, it's hard to predict how easy / difficult you find either getting DS to nursery, or managing with 2 at home, depending on how DS reacts to the new baby, whether the baby turns out to sleep or not etc.
  Does you husband have any flexibility on his hours? Would he be able to take DS to nursery some days, at least while the baby is tiny?
• If your son's nursery is attached to your workplace and if there wouldn't be a problem with him going back in why not take your son out of nursery for the year?
  He would still get plenty of interaction with other kids if you did the rounds of the local toddler groups at just a fraction of the price of the nursery plus it'd get you out of the house too?
• Thank you for your suggestions, TBagpuss, FatVonD and Fabforty.
  My hubby may be able to either take DS1 to the nursery but I would probably take him back home if we decide to send him part-time (such as morning only). In addition, he will take the paternity leave for the first two weeks plus the annual leaves for one or two weeks, I would probably be able to stay at home with the baby for the first month. So my problem would be how to manage the nursery run and looking after the newborn from the second month.
  TBagpuss, you are right that it might be wiser to decide once our No. 2 is born as I do not know how my life afte no. 2 will be. Thank you for reminding me of this.
  FatvonD, yes, that was my original intension (joining as many toddler's group as possible) while I am on the maternity leave. By doing that, DS1 keeps some social interaction and I could meet new people there while looking after no. 2. However, my hubby wishes to keep DS1 in the nursery... If we decide to keep him there but, say, two days a week instead of four, I would take him to the local groups to keep him entertained.
  Fabforty, thank you for explaining the 15 hours free space. I am probably not eligible for it but it is always good to know the rule.
  So, I take it that the general consensus is "not return to work as soon as possible but take it, say, for 9 months but consider either reducing DS1's nursery to part-time or switch to less-expensive options such as childminder or local toddlers group". It is very interesting to know this as for me, not returning to work as soon as possible has never come across to my mind!
  Pakkun
• Thank you, notanewuser.
  I will make sure that I will not opt out from the scheme while I am on the maternity leave whatever I decide in the end!
  Pakkun
• Another thing to throw into the mix is your OH taking additional paternity leave if you return to work in less than a year.
• i haven't read all the posts 2 year funding in normally if you have a household income of under 16000 but i think thats just wages not stuff like tax credits.
  i would probably let your lb go to nursery part time, maybe speak to tax credits as you might get more help when your wage drops
• I don't have first hand experience but I can tell you what I've been told and observed. My close friend found her second maternity leave harder than her first. Her friends from the first time where back at work, she couldn't do many of the same classes with an older child too, a lot of other new mums she met were first timers and didn't really want to spend a lot of time with someone who had an older child due to it being easier and familiar to stick with those of just the same age. Therefore it may be easier for you to socialise and bond with others if your older child is in nursery for a couple of days.
  Another found she could get more done round the house when her older child went to nursery for a couple of days while the other slept. Plus the older child disturbed the baby quite a bit and they appreciated the attention they got at nursery whereas my friend often had to divide her attention or prioritise the baby.
  I personally would accept the offer to keep the older child in nursery but probably 2-3 days a week. Whole days would tempt me as I would find it more disrupting to drop them off and collect them only 3 hours later.
• Thank you for your reply, theoretica and ahomemadetouch.
  Yes, I am also looking into the possibility of sharing the maternity leave with my husband, though unfortunately the new rule does not apply to our baby as the due date is before 5th April.
  Thank you for further explanation about the 2-year funding. I will definitely check whether I am entitled to any benefit if our household income drops.
  Thank you very much for everyone who have shared your knowledge and view on my predicament! I am now leaning towards taking a longer maternity leave and send DS1 to the nursery part-time (though reduced) if I can sort out the logistic issue.
  Best,
  Pakkun