A question about : What is the point of being married?
Really? Is there any real need (apart from romantic notion) for the legal bit of being married?
I realise that this subject has been done to death, but my OH and I have just been through a Christmas with both sets of parents and families were asking when we were going to tie the knot and, after sitting down and having a proper discussion on it, we can't really see the benefit.
We've been together nearly 20 years. No kids. We own a house and everything in it together.. We've made each other the beneficiary of our pensions. We've each made a will, mine leaving all my worldly goods to him and his leaving all his worldly goods to me. Our combined total estate doesn't reach IHT thresholds.
Apart from the romantic aspect (which I'm desperately trying to separate out from the practicalities!), what further benefits would we have by being legal?
To be perfectly honest, having previously not cared a jot, I'm beginning to be a bit taken with the idea of a tiny little wedding and having a hubbie... but that seems a bit of a flippant reason really!
Best answers:
- It is one step further than just saying you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.
I think that marriage also makes you work harder at your relationship. Just look at the break up statistics of those who have kids within a marriage and those who have kids when not married. (The latter being shocking!) - We decided to get married after over 20 years together, purely for the legal reasons involved regarding inheritance, pensions and so on. The so-called romantic side of it was never a consideration. It has made no difference to our relationship whatsoever.
We had a very small Register Office ceremony with only 8 guests. All other friends and family were told after the event that it had happened. No expense spent, as they say. - guaranteed sex 3 times a week.
it's the law. - The other aspect you need to sort out to acquire the legal aspects of marriage is power of attorney. As things stand, you are not legally each other's next of kin: there are no guarantees that either of you would have any say about treatment etc if the other became ill. In some respects you are looking for a more complicated and expensive way of achieving the same things that getting married would give you (though PoA is useful even then).
ETA Cross posted with Mojisola - There are very few occupational pension schemes that pay out pensions to partners; if you both have one then you are lucky.
You are not each other's next of kin. Someone else gets to decide whether to pull the plug, or authorise treatment.
If you separate you have less rights than if you are married. You may think separation is unlikely after 20 years (I thought it unlikely after 30) but some sort of life crisis/episode of depression can drive people into strange behaviours that can't be sorted.
In my experience getting married after living together can be a symptom of a failing relationship. On the other hand there is a rash of marriages amongst many of my friends who have been long term cohabitees and are approaching retirement, purely and simply to ensure pension rights to the survivor. - For me, it was:
1. Got a cool certificate to hang on the wall
2. A bit of jewellery. Nice
3. Kids get to join the same religion as me
4. Big party
5. Nice photobook with family and friends in it
6, Fit within the social norms of my peer group - 1. Got a cool certificate to hang on the wall - meh!
2. A bit of jewellery. Nice - Always a fabulous bonus!
3. Kids get to join the same religion as me - Irrelevant to me - don't believe in any god
4. Big party - HATE big parties!
5. Nice photobook with family and friends in it - got loads of those anyway
6, Fit within the social norms of my peer group - don't give a fig about social 'norms'
Don't get me wrong - I do like the idea of having a husband, rather than a boyfriend, and OH just can't be arsed really, rather than being actively against it. But I can't find a good enough reason to propel us to the town hall!! - I think there are inheritance tax implications. I think there is also a widow's/widower's pension only available to married couples.
Also, how well do you get on with each other's family? It isn't unknown for someone to die and their unmarried partner having no say in the funeral arrangements - or even being allowed at the wake at all! - Differences between marriage and living together from a legal/rights point of view from the CAB website
https://www.adviceguide.org.uk/wales/...ifferences.htm
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