Wedding plans

A question about : Wedding plans

I thought I would post this on here as I might get more replies

So OH and I are getting married in later on this year. Simple registry office ceremony in the middle of the week, then on for food afterwards - very casual and informal. Having 13 guests.

Now here lies a few of my problems.

Only three of our guests know so far we have have booked it (my mum and inlaws).
We're doing it on the quiet so don't want it plastered all over social media until after the event
We haven't finalised a restaurant for food yet - I was waiting on getting definite numbers before we committed to one. We have three choices and it's most likely going to be a set 3 course meal
We don't want any kids other than our own son so have booked it on a school day (there are 7 kids in total and as we're on a strict budget its almost an Ј100 for them and considering we only see them at Xmas it's a lot of money!)
We don't want any presents or money either!

How do I go about this? Do I send out invites now to those who don't know and incorporate all the above - keep it quiet, no restaurant confirmed as yet but there will be one, no kids and no presents or cash - then hope for the best when they get back to me?
Or do I wait till we decide which restaurant we like, send invites with a meal choice?
I'm so confused!

It looks really rude when I read all that back! x

thanks! x

Best answers:

• As it is middle of week probably best to give some notice and let them know kids aren't invited. I would probably send a text, e-mail or something for a save the date and state it will just be adults.
• I agree, find out numbers first and then you can give them meal choices nearer the time. Give them an RSVP date so you can make definite plans with the restaurant. I would also make it very clear (in a lovely polite way!) about your request for no children, as based on personal experience people tend to ignore this bit...!! Although the fact you're having it on a week day should make this easier.
• It doesn't sound rude at all. It's YOUR wedding......and you should do it YOUR way. Let's face it, whatever you decide there will always be some interfering so and so saying you should have done it another way. Don't be worried about offending anyone......they'll get over it.
  I agree completely with Bean83's advice above.
  DO NOT be pushed into having a separate party if it's not what you want. Again, remember, it's YOUR day.
• Since you only have ten more people to tell, and presumably they are super-close friends otherwise they wouldn't have made the guest list, I would call/go round and speak to each of them.
  That way you can explain where you're coming from (you're trying to save money, you don't want it on Facebook because... and so on), and you can make sure this has got across. Then when you send the formal invitations you'll hopefully have no deliberate misunderstandings ("I'm sure she didn't mean we couldn't bring Harry, after all he'll be company for her Ethan") or accidental offence. You can also tell everyone who else is invited, so that they know who they can speak to about it, which will help if people want to share lifts and so on.
  I'd be a bit irked at having to take a day off work, but presumably these are close enough friends that they won't mind.
• If you book a school day people will start getting twitchy at 2pm looking to pick up their children. If you want a quiet wedding why not go to Vegas. Come the next wedding, you'll do it the way you want
• you need to give guests reasonable notice - and its traditional to send out invites at least 6 weeks before the wedding. although I have seen invites for a YEAR in advance!
  so I would say get your arrangements in place and THEN invite guests. the invitation should state when and where so until these are finalised then there is no need to send formal invitations.
  BUT, I would informally phone those on guest list to invite them while explaining why no children. and why a midweek, daytime wedding - and don't be surprised if people have to decline. Employers are not very accommodating and if people cant book a holiday day.............
• Can you invite everyone that you want there to a lunch or dinner and tell them all together? It will make them feel special and save you repeating yourself, you could make save the date cards to give them too x
• I would decide which restaurant first then send out the invites with all the relevant info on.
  You could put something like 'lunch arranged to allow you plenty of time to pick the children up from school afterwards' unless you think that's to subtle for your guests, in which case just say 'no children please'
  As for keeping it off social media, can't you just ask them not to plaster it over FB? (I don't move in circles who use FB or would do this in the first place so I don't know whether it's a reasonable request)
  BTW, good for you having 13 guests, I just couldn't, it would have to be 12 or 14
• Totally up to you to have your wedding the way you like it, but given that you are inviting people with children but not their children, and that they'll need to take time off work they do need time to make arrangements. Also please remember that while it's totally your right to have the wedding the way you want, it's also the right of the guests to choose not to attend if it does cause problems.
  I'm all for child-free weddings if thats what the couple want, but for many people if there's a clash then their own kids take priority. Hopefully that's not an issue as you have a small number and presumably close so won't be a problem, but from many months on the wedding board here I never ceased to be amazed by the bridezillas who assumed that giving a years notice meant people would happily leave their child overnight, shell out a fortune to travel for weddings etc and then get really upset if an invitation was declined!
• Talk to people!
  You don't need to send 'invites'.
  The OH and I had a superquiet wedding - three of our kids and us. And we intended a pub lunch, but it all went on so long they went back to college and we went to catch the ferry in the campervan we'd parked up the road from the Registry office.
  Your day, do it how you want, but if you are going low key, stay low key - just talk to your friends, don't send the invites.
• Wow thanks for all the advice peeps, it's much appreciated.
  Peachyprice - there are 14 altogether, my son included ;-) haha x
  Al the people that are coming are close family members (mams, dad, nans, siblings etc) so getting the time off should hopefully be ok for them
  We're also getting married at 11:30 so were hoping to have food around 1pm, so those with kids (OH's two sisters) will be able to pick them up from school in plenty of time
  thanks again everyone, I'll keep you updated
• I had a tiny wedding with about a dozen guests (same as you). I had to tell my friend I didn't want her husband there (he was a violent thug). Luckily she understood and didn't bring him.
  I would just talk to the invited guests, explain why you don't want children there, but point out that you have catered for those who have to pick children up from school.
  Most importantly, enjoy your day!
• Do your wedding whichever way you like, but try not to be upset if people can't attend on a work day, and wish to leave early to be with their kids.
• I'd suggest something like this:
  Dear Family
  As you know, we are planning to get hitched later this year. We want to have a very small, intimate ceremony and count you amongst our nearest and dearest so hope that you will join us! It's really important to us that this is a private event so we appreciate you all keeping it to yourselves until afterwards (no Facebook!).
  The date we have reserved is XXX. The ceremony will be at 11am and will be followed by lunch at 1pm (location TBC).
  Other than LittleXYZ it will be adults only. We have planned the timings so that we will be finished in time for those of you who need to collect children from school. We'll be paying for the meal. No presents please - we just want you to join in our special day.
  Lots of love
  Mr and Mrs XYZ to be
• Perfect thank you
  reason for no social media is basically my dad's side of the family. I don't speak to him/have no intentions but I'm in contact with my nan and his brothers. If he found out I can pretty much guarantee he would turn up. N0b.