Thought It Was The End

A question about : Thought It Was The End

Hi

Not really sure where to start with all this to be honest. I apologise in advance if I start to waffle. In a nutshell I had a complete breakdown last week at work and it got to a point where I couldn't seem to function properly. After alot of tears I was taken out of work and I am currently staying at my mum's house (100 miles from my home) and on sick leave. Basically everything (debts, personal life and other things ) built up to such an extent that it caused me to just lose it. Everything was just such a big problem that the only way out was either hurting myself or just running away from it. When it got to a point that I was going through red lights in the hope that someone would crash into me, I finally realised that I needed help.
I had an appointment with my mum's GP who was very understanding and sympathetic. I've never been one to pour my heart out to anyone and always kept things to myself, so I was reluctant at first but the next day I did feel a bit better. The GP signed me off work and gave me some numbers for support helplines and told me of a few debt counselling centres, one of which was Step Change which I may be visiting early next week.
In the past few days I have had quite a few sit down sessions with my mum and her partner and I came clean about everything. In the past I have covered up and lied about my financial situation, I've always said 'don't worry.....I'm fine'. We started with a blank piece of paper and listed all my outgoings and all the in-comings. Suffice to say the former was a fair bit more than the latter. We discussed all the debts and I was 100% truthful about everything. I felt so ashamed but they were great and didn't throw me out, which I thought was a good start. Mum was shocked as she kind of knew I had been covering things up, just not to the extent of what I told them. I felt quite a lot better after I had come clean, I've never subscribed to the saying 'a problem shared is a problem halved' but I really did feel like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I am now at a point where I am getting a lot more sleep most nights and thanks to good old mum some really good food and a lot of TLC. I am now at the point where I know all my problems can be solved and I want to start trying to solve them. I now realise the dept is the biggest problem and all the other stuff is minor. The trouble is when you are at breaking point every little problem seems massive.
I never looked at this site before yesterday (I thought I didn't need to) and just seeing that there are 1000's of people in a simialr situation and I am not alone has been a help. Reading some of the success stories has shown me that I can get out of this deep well that I thought I was in. Being single and living alone you think you have to solve everything on your own, and in the past I have always been too proud to take help when it has been offered. I am now going to take all the help I can get as I never again want to feel like I did last week.
I'll move on to the debt now, I just wanted to give people a background to my situation.

Credit Cards - this has been the biggest problem. I have got 3 and I always thought I was in control of them.....turns out I was wrong. I've lost count of the number of balance transfers that have been done between them and also when promotional rates for BT's have expired. Also I only seem to manage to pay the min payments for each card. So in a nutshell;

Lloyds CC - Limit Ј7000
Balance Ј4392
Min Pay Ј72 p/m

Barclaycard - Limit Ј8100
Balance Ј7533
Min Pay Ј77 p/m

Tesco CC - Limit Ј4500
Balance Ј3560
Min Pay Ј71 p/m

Car Finance - Yes I'm one of those people who own a car that they can't really afford. They saw me coming a mile off at the showroom and I got sucked in and before I knew it I had gone way over my budget and left thinking.....how the hell am I going to pay for this!

6 yr loan from Nov 13 - outstanding balance Ј13,300
monthly payment Ј227
settlement fig Ј9347

Personal Loan - In the great scheme of things this one is probably the least of my worries. By Nov of this year it would have been paid off in full. I have never missed a payment, though I have taken quite a few 'payment holidays' which has extended the term.

Ј7500 Loan - outstanding balance as of Jan 15 Ј1600
monthly payment Ј154

Living Costs - I won't go into too many details but we've worked it out at roughly Ј630 a month (mortgage, utilities, food, insurance (car/home), phone, TV, petrol etc)

I do work full time but my job isn't the highest paid, so depending on what hours I work and what month it is my earnings are between Ј950 and Ј1250 a month (after tax). It doesn't take a genius to work out that paying off everything and trying to have a fairly decent standard of living on those wages is nigh on impossible. Hence the credit cards being used like a current account. I have been roughly transferring Ј100- Ј150 from a C/C into my bank account each month, just so I can meet all my direct debits and sometimes to even pay off one of the other cards. So using debt to pay off other debt, which thinking about it is absolutely insane!
As I mentioned earlier all being well I am going see someone at Step Change early next week and I really hope we can get a plan together. Any advice from anyone is greatly appreciated and if anyone needs anymore details I would be happy to provide them. I just know that I can't go back to living like I used to.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you are still awake.

S

Best answers:

• Hi Stu
  I'm new to all this as well (not new to debt, just new to dealing with). Well done on making a start and your mum sounds wonderful.
  Don't wait to visit StepChange - fill out the debt remedy online and start the process now. I am just in the process of setting up our DMP with StepChange - not there yet, but it's the best thing we've done.
  Keep smiling and don't let the debts get you down. Best wishes for your journey - you don't need me to wish you luck because you are taking control of your finances and life now so luck has nothing to do with it
• Hi,
  I can't comment on stepchange.. but I know about having a lot of debt (look at my signature) - first thing - is well done on acknowledging the problem and starting to deal with it.
  You can do it.. just take one day at a time and take all the help that is there, but it professional or your Mum!!
  Good luck, glad you are getting some sleep!
• Thanks so much for reading my story and commenting. I really didn't think anyone would respond, so its a nice little boost. I've spoken to the National Debt Helpline today for 45 mins. I am still hoping to arrange an appointment with Step-change in the next couple of days, so will let you know how I get on.
  Mum says thanks too :-)
  Stu
• Bless you that lightbulb moment is often painful but it sounds like your mum is there to support for you
  We didnt use step change as id never heard of it when I had my light bulb moment and im kind of on a self managed dmp but this was such a hugh turning point to be able to start paying the debts off rather than just the interest. We are coming out the other side now and although our credit ratings werent great for a long time but its looking a lot better now.
  My suggestions are take on all the advice given by the charities and remember you can get through this. Trust me if we can anyone can!
• Hi Stu (and mum )
  I've subscribed to your diary and will follow you on your journey. I am also very new to these forums and have H*U*G*E debts If you'd caught me at the beginning of January I was in despair but googling debt free and finding this forum has changed my life. We are not quite there yet with setting up our DMP but have notified all our creditors now and all have put in place a 30 day grace/no contact period whilst we work with StepChange to set the DMP up. I can't begin to explain the weight that has been lifted from my shoulders.
  Take care, keep posting and sharing your journey. Looking forward to getting to virtually know you and your mum.
• Thanks again for the great comments and support
  I logged on to the Step Change website yesterday and filled in their debt solution tool (very good btw). It's looking like I'll be having a DMP or IVA. They are sending me all the paperwork, so will need to have a good look through that when it comes. They seem really supportive though and they even suggested speaking to GP about the anxiety/depression problems. I'm having another appointment with my mums GP tomorrow, so will have to see what they say. My boss phoned me earlier and I had a good chat with him about my current situation. He was very sympathetic and told me to forget about work and just concentrate on me, which made me feel better.
  I feel like I'm at the bottom of a big mountain but I have received a little leg up to begin the journey
  Stu
• Well done on your progress so far Stu. It may not feel like much but you are dealing with the most difficult bits now so be (rightly) very proud of yourself.
  It's good to hear you have a supportive boss - every bit of support and encouragement makes a world of difference.
  Don't forget - keep us updated with your progress
• Saw GP yesterday, she recommended having another 3 wks off work, which came as a bit of a shock but I suppose they know best. In a way I'm kind of glad as it gives me enough time so sort things out, like opening new bank accounts and arranging DMP's. I would rather not be at work with it still hanging over my head to be honest.
  I've also still got to face telling my Dad about all this, as at the moment he is still in the dark about it. At least if I have a plan in place I can tell him that I am starting to sort things out. I'm really not sure how he'll react, so just hope for the best.
  Lots of paperwork arrived today from National Debt Helpline so spent most of this afternoon looking through all that. I'm now thinking a DMP will be the way to go but will hang on for paperwork to arrive from Step-Change before I decide.
  Stu
• Hi Stu
  From personal experience of being signed off with depression and stress all I can say is try and be strong and go back to work sooner rather than later. I found being at home gave me time to worry more and once I'd been off work for a while I found it difficult to face going back. The side effects of the anti-depressants I was on gave me mild agrophobia so didn't help either. But mostly I struggled to deal with facing people at work because whilst they can be sympathetic when you are ill, many people struggle with understanding depression and stress is a real illness. As my time signed off work extended from two weeks, to one months, to 3 months (and then more) the reactions from work colleagues changed from sympathetic to irritated to downright rude comments from some of them.
  Take the time you need, but also remember work is a good way of taking your mind off your troubles as well.
• Had a really good chat with a guy from Nat.Debt Helpline this morning. He specialised in IVA's (which is what I will be having hopefully). We went through everything to make sure I met the criteria and he also wanted to make me aware of the risks involved. He seemed to agree that an IVA would be appropriate for me and he is sending me an application pack. Now all I have to do is hope that my creditors believe it's in their best interest to agree to it.
  One thing I wanted to mention is that I wouldn't have been able to get this far without the amazing support of my Mum and Step-Dad. I couldn't even contemplate sorting this out on my own, there is a lot of paperwork to go through and sometimes it just gets too much and your brain takes a bit of a battering. If you are trying to sort anything out like this on your own I urge you to ask someone to help. I realise it isn't always possible but I dread to think what would have happened if I hadn't have come clean and confessed when I did.
  I also found out about the car finance today, it's a personal unsecured loan, not HP (phew!). This now means that if I'm accepted for an IVA it will also include the car payments.
  Stu
• Hi Stu, just seen your diary, you first post struck a cord with me because I had that 'red light feeling' when I was driving home a few times just wishing someone would crash into me.. !!
  just think now you have taken this first step things CAN and WILL get better for you... they won't get any worse, and thats an amazing realisation. take the time you need to sort out your mental health too, health comes first and don't hurry back to work until you are strong.
  sometimes it takes tearing all the pieces down to build up something better and coming to this forum is also certainly a great move. good luck man, you're on the right track now
• Stu - well done (as mad as that sounds, and I apologise if that comes across as patronising; it isn't meant to) for your light-bulb moment. I remember mine with stark clarity as though it was yesterday.
  It takes a great deal of courage to face up to things as you are doing. I can't improve on the sorts of things you are already doing. BUT this is the first step towards a way out of the mess in which you find yourself - and you CAN do it.
  Good luck to you. You'll get there. x
• Hi Stu, I think your doing brilliantly, and your mum and step dad sound like wonderful people. As Levi said, take the time you need to build your strength (both emotional and physical), and remember, it's not how far you fall, but how high you bounce back! There are some amazing people on this forum who can offer advice and support. Just decide what works best for you. Take care x
• Best of luck, getting started is the hard part.
  Just a thought, can you sell this car you can't afford? Would it pay off the loan? It's a huge share of your total debt and your minimum payments look almost manageable without it?
• Thanks for all the recent messages of support. One thing this whole situation has done is opened my eyes to just how many people are going through this......and the fact I'm not alone.
  Biggest update over the last week is that I finally got round to telling my Dad and Step-Mum on Tuesday. I thought I had it all sorted in my head what I was going to say and because I had told Mum everything already, I thought it would be easier, the second time. How wrong I was, I barely said hello before I completely broke down and I was unable to tell them anything. Luckily Mum grabbed the phone and she explained the situation to them. I felt so guilty that I couldn't tell them myself, but it was just like the first time all over again. I was so angry at myself and words like 'failure' and 'useless' reared their ugly head again. Couple of hours later Mum managed to calm me down and my Step-Dad had the brilliant idea of sending him an email instead, that way I can get down everything I want to say in a clear and concise way.
  I did this on Wednesday and both Dad and Step-Mum really appreciated it and said themselves it was the best thing to do. I felt so much better that at last all the immediate family knew everything. Dad and I spoke on the phone for nearly an hour on Thursday. I didn't break down once and we had a great conversation. I really thought I had taken a massive step back after that first phone call but I now know it was a very little one and thinking back it obvious I would be emotional.
  I have opened a new 'safe' bank account and also filled out the application form for the IVA. I am setting tasks to do each day and this is really helping me to get some kind of structure back into my life. I am planning on going back to my house this Tuesday, to pick up paperwork and make sure everything is ok.
  If anyone has any experience of IVA's I would really appreciate it if they could message me and let me know how they got on.
  Cheers
  Stu
• Hi Stu, just wanted to say that it was great to read your update. Your doing amazing and will get through this. Your family sound fantastic. Take care x
• Hi Stu, it sounds like you have a lovely supportive family, and a supportive boss. I hope you are feeling more positive. How is it all going?
• Luckily my house was ok, nothing major had happened to it. Felt a little strange going back after being away for so long but that soon passed. Dad and Step-Mum came over, it was great to see them face to face and give them a big hug, we all got a little emotional LoL. Even though we had spoken at length on the phone, we had a good chat. There's no substitute I suppose for talking in person. It made me feel alot better having seen them.
  Regarding the IVA, the case has now been passed to an Insolvency firm called Debt Lifeboat (good name!). They think I have a strong case going forward to the creditors. Things have been moving quicker than I thought they would, which can only be a positive. I have another load of paperwork to read through and sign, then if they are happy they will present the case to the creditors, then it's finger crossing time.
  Saw the GP again yesterday, she is really happy with the progress I am making and says it's like speaking to a different person, than the first one that walked through her door. She has signed me off for another 3 weeks, as she says it would be best while I am awaiting the IVA decision. Think she's worried if I don't get it I could slide back to where I was a month ago. I suppose erring on the side of the caution is no bad thing.
  I am planning on returning to the house tomorrow and spending the night, just to see how I feel. It will be good to get away for a bit and it will give Mum and Step-Dad some time to themselves.
  The good days are definitely now starting to outnumber the bad ones.
  Cheers
  Stu
• Things have been pretty good since my last post. I have now been sent my proposal for the IVA. Everything is now done, just a case of dotting the I's and crossing the T's. Hopefully I will get a decision in the next couple of weeks. Seems like I have done more paperwork over the last month, than if I was at work. Still, it's a small price to pay if it means getting out of this hole.
  Cheers
  Stu