Stay at home costs

A question about : Stay at home costs

Hi all,

This is a bit of an unusual angle to take, but an important question for us:

We both work, with LO in preschool, OH makes just enough (with my tax credits added) to cover the childcare costs and most of the food shopping.

LO has come on leaps and bounds since she has been there,
she is far ahead of the majority in her group and loved being there.
That's why we have endured the travel and costs.

Now in pre-school she just isn't getting that benefit, (much larger class sizes, lack of educational activities, the workers there seem unaware of her ability etc) and she comes home upset far more than I think is fair.

We have given it a go, but OH is seriously considering quitting her job and being a stay at home mum.

I think that would be great, OH is trained in childcare and would love more time at home, I think it would be a benefit for LO, of course the prospect of coming home to a tidy house would be fantastic with a stressful job.

My only concern is the finances.

I don't want to get into a situation where they cannot go out and have fun, but I am concerned not only about the lack of an income, but how much they will need extra to keep busy.

Those that stay at home, how much do you spend a month, on activities / days out / treats?

Best answers:

• I should probably add, we have considered child-minders/family, honestly I doubt many would be able to provide the fun learning we are looking for.
  OH would get back into work (probably part time) after LO goes to school or register at the OU, so this is a long term plan.
• Yes, we did consider that and it would be a great option.
  However, it would be tough with the limited space we have.
  We considered moving in the next few years to a place with more room, then this could be a possibility.
• Can't give you a figure as my experience was years ago, but very little. My weekly budget was one morning at local hall parent & tots and one swimming session; everything else was either free or what we would have spent anyway - we had a fantastic local children's theatre on Saturday mornings, and family bought us a zoo season ticket as xmas gift.
  I do think that the "child care industry" feeds us the line that having children in nursery is good for their development. Being at home with a committed, happy parent is also a good environment in which to flourish.
  Even in these hard times, most local authorities have free or cheap activities for children & families, and being at home means you can take advantage of them, as well as having time to make stuff, plan meals better etc.
  I'd also suggest that mum keeps an eye open for occasional, casual work, quite a bit available for people with child-care qualifications.
• I am making a list of fun activities for them both to do as an idea of costs.
  Swimming, craft/making things, dance classes, library, lunch out etc. all cheap or free things to do.
  But it's not me that is going to be at home all day, so I appreciate the feedback and first hand opinion.
  I think the nursery has been a great influence to my LO, the social interaction along with the specialised equipment that she gets to use would never have been available to us otherwise.
  Her play was scheduled around fun learning actives, cross reference to a curriculum (I have two massive ring binders showing her achievements through out the time she was there).
  Not only did she love it there, but she has achieved major milestones not seen in her nieces or nephews that are older than her.
  (Spelling her own name, pen control, counting, toilet training etc etc etc.)
  We had a lot of negative comments (outside of the forum) about how we where raising our LO, but for our circumstances this was the best thing for her and us.
  Spending time with family is second to none, but good childcare does also have its advantages. (Especially when it is you OH that is actually in the room teaching them).
• There are a few things your OH might be able to do in combination with being at home with your child, which could cover the cost of their activities. When I was in a similar situation, I started doing mystery shopping. It's unlikely to make a fortune but enough to pay for the cost of an outing to a toddler group or similar.
  Perhaps your OH could have a browse of the Up Your Income board and see if any of the ideas on there could help her earn a few quid as well as keeping busy.
  There are lots of museums and art galleries that are free, if this would interest your OH. She could also look into local knitting groups, as these are usual very cheap and a good way to meet people and do something constructive.
  Would it also be worth looking into part time work at the weekend or in the evenings? It would cut down on the time that you and your partner could spend together, but I know a few families where one of the partners works in the day and the other at weekends or evenings. It means that one parent is at home with the children all the time and they both have an income. Have a look in local shops, cafes, pubs, etc for part time jobs. Or even better, as your partner has worked in childcare, she could advertise for babysitting work in the evenings.
• Hi Ben,
  There's lots of free or cheap things to do. I am currently not working, and with my little ones (a 3 y/o, and 1y/o twins) I do three groups a week, coming to a total of Ј4.40. We spend a bit more here and there, but not much, we save on fuel as I am not doing the 40 mile round trip that I would have done when working.
  It really depends on your expectations, there's also plenty of pricey stuff to be done if you choose! But plenty of free stuff - chalk rubbings with leaves... your OH will have loads of ideas if she's trained in childcare. Lunch out adds up - not necessary as a regular thing. A nice treat. picnics are great in summer.
  Visiting friends with similar age children is also nice and cheap, and having them to yours.
  Does your local council run any 'pass' to visit their attractions for a year? We can pay Ј20 ish for a year's access to an ornamental animal farm, which includes a good playground and soft play, peacocks etc, or Ј75 to also have access to the farm plus a list of other attractions for the year. Good value.
  Can I suggest though that you lower your expectations a little with regard to coming home to a tidy house, some days it may happen but the day is only so long... OK I am looking after a family of 6 so got my work cut out... but sometimes it is a choice between the children and the housework, in the time available, and the children are the priority.
  If the nursery doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. I left a nursery with my eldest (now 6) because when he was in the fantastic toddler room, I spent a morning in the pre-school, and wasn't impressed.
• Lots of great suggestions, thank you all.
  I completely forgot about museums etc, she doesn't drive, so that is a concern, but there are month bus and rail cards that we can look at.
  I will definitely pass over the up your income page to her, I would rather her not stress about having to earn ЈX a month but I'm sure being able to earn towards the household/spending money would be a welcome option.
  Regarding a tidy house, I'm not really expecting a margarita handed to me a the door and a polished house
  ATM we both work long hours, so getting the house tidy is a big chuck of our weekend, i'm sure a little here and there will be possible and that would be fine.
• Sorry if I missed it, but how old is your DD? How long before she start reception class?
  The reason why I am asking is because you need to consider her adjusting to it. Pre-school is just that, getting ready for school. If you are disappointed with it, are you likely to also be disappointed with what she is getting at school?
  It's not all about achievement, far from it. It is also about learning to mix with friends, and more importantly, learning to share attention.
  I assumed you have already looked into schools and preparing a smooth transition to it in light of your intention of taking your DD out of pre-school?
• Hi Fbaby, thanks for the interest and sorry if I missed any information.
  DD is nearly 3, the reason I am not happy in her preschool classes is that she is showing signs of going backwards and not being happy.
  For example she can draw/paint people and shapes quite well, since going into preschool she only scribbles.
  She can also spell her own name and can read all the letters, her preschool didn't even know this and had been setting her work form 1-10.
  The amount of time she comes back tired and upset, painted on or hurt is just so much more frequent than I would like. Kids have to go through this I know, and in big classes it is hard, but rushing her to hospital over a suspected fracture and the preschool not really knowing what happened - inexcusable.
  Social interaction is a big part of pre-school and one of the things that has made this decision harder, but all things considered I am pretty keen on making this change.
  There is also some good to come of this with schools, she current attends a nursery the other side of the city (in line with OH work) her being off work, would mean that when she does start going to school far closer to us and OH can pick up /drop her off everyday and be on hand in emergency / sickness.
  We hope that OH can work / volunteer for the school in future, provide proximity and cash flow.
• Not possible with OH working unfortunately, I leave the house at 6am and she starts work at the same time as the preschool does.
  I cannot leave any later due to traveling and her place cannot give her flexible working.
  The preschool those issues aside, is very good, meals are healthy, regular trips out, equipment is modern and is geared around encouraging learning and the staff (there now) are very good, its just the management squeezing extra children in and are not able to give DD the time she needs as a young preschool-er.
• My OH 'pays' me Ј200 a month as it's all we can afford. I have a 5yo at school and a 3 month old. It's tight as that is for all my personal and baby spends, I would find Ј300 better but we just don't have it.
• Have you considered the possibility that she is frustrated as she is finding the social aspects of preschool hard as she has previously been so focussed on the more academic aspects of her learning?
  At this age I would suggest that this is the focus in terms of preparing her for the next step i.e. school. Most teachers I know would far rather have a child starting school who can follow instructions, sit still, dress herself, feed herself, and interact well with her peers than one who can spell her name, count etc.. Depending on the preschool it can be taught in a different way to at school which can cause issues.
  Finally in terms of the scribble are you sure this is not rather than a step backwards but a step forwards i.e. emergent writing?
• They are starting school early enough in this country, let them be kids and play. Yes teach them manners and social interaction, but there is enough time for counting, writing etc in school.
  But to answer your question, staying at home is also about extra heating, food etc. However, in regard to teaching materials etc. Loads of them can be home made, just look through the internet.
• Staying at home can also have a long term impact on career progression/future earning potential, pension etc so when you are budgeting and comparing scenarios it may be good to take that into account as well as the short term loss of salary.
• We all worry so much about the academic side with out first child, but honestly I wouldn't worry about this. I work in a preschool and if she is coming home hurt and upset, this is a concern which you should definately address with the manager.
  If you are unhappy with things then pull her out. If you are more concerned about them recognising her learning ability, I wouldn't worry about this. The biggest hurdle for children in preschool is being independant and being able to interact with their friends. This is more important in setting them up to succeed in reception where the learning will really take off. It's all about the social skills and preschool is such a brilliant learning curve for them.