A question about : The single track road
I'm both excited and terrified about starting this new diary.
Within the next week or two, my life will be changing drastically and I will be embarking on a road I never thought I would be traveling upon.
I'm not new to these forums, but I have changed my username as my previous diaries before the (very short) last one, detailed life as I thought it would be and, to be honest, I can't bare to read those posts any longer, it's too upsetting.
Around 14 months ago, my husband and I decided life together was not working and we subsequently decided to separate. It hasn't been easy as we still care very much for each other and always will, I won't go into detail, but the relationship was more like housemates than spouses. We have a much-adored darling son who is 4, and who remains our absolute priority, so we have been basing all our decisions around doing this the best way for him. We have still been sharing our house this whole time as several house sales/purchases fell through and neither of us could afford to rent or wanted to 'move the other out' for the sake of our son.
Fast forward to today, and I have now bought the ex out of our family home due to being unable to sell it, and he is buying a house just around the corner so that we can raise our son together, apart.
I'm sure it sounds crazy to many, but for us, we are better parents and people as 'best friends' rather than as a couple. I would rather our son grows up with two happy homes than one full of resentment and unhappiness which was starting to surface.
So, that's the back story.
Current position is that my re-mortgage went through 3 days ago, included in which were funds to pay off two loans we had. When the ex's house purchase is completed in a week or two, there will also be funds leftover with which he will be paying a large chunk off of the last remaining credit card we have. He has taken A LOT less equity out of the house than he was entitled to to ensure it was affordable to me, so I have agreed to take on the remainder of the credit card debt, which will stand at around Ј4-5K (tbc after completion).
So, this is me, going it alone with my darling DS (half the week 
), in a place far from 'home' with no family (they all live 300 miles away) and very few good friends, locally. With the added worries of a seriously ill Mum, a threatened redundancy, anxiety issues and the weight of a large mortgage on my single shoulders - only just being able to cover all the bills monthly with very little left over. All of this may be the reason why I am sat here today with a blood pressure monitor on, as requested by the docs, monitoring the dire state of my blood pressure which, I am pretty sure, is down to the stress of the past year +.
I'm terrified... 
But I'm trying so very hard to be brave and to be the (35 year old 
) grown up I need to be, when all I want to do is run and hide under my duvet until life is better.
Here goes...
Best answers:
- hello!
All the very best on your new journey. You listed the negatives but there are lots of positives too.
Cheers HMx - Good luck, it's a massive life change but you'll get there!
- I'm here with ya, keep posting, it really helps!
- Thank you all for your lovely comments, so lovely to have some cheerleaders along the way, makes me feel less crazy about writing to 'myself'!
HappyMac - You're right, I've been struggling to find many positives this past year, but I really do need to make the effort to focus on these from now on. Unfortunately I'm a glass half empty kind of person, so I need to try and change my way of thinking.
So, let's start with the positives today:
1. Amazing cuddles from my DS this morning and a chorus of 'I like to move it, move it' from him all morning, made me laugh all the way to work.
2. My darling Mum is out of hopsital after having a PE, and hopefully on the mend.
2. The paint I wanted for my lounge was half price at B&Q last night, so picked up 4 tins which should do the lounge, downstairs loo, ensuite and possibly main bathroom too. All for the bargain price of Ј21 as I had a Ј15 gift card from Christmas (now no excuse not to get painting!).
3. Having a visit from a family member (well an ex-in-law) tonight, who I get on really well with, so it will be lovely to see her, catch up and feel a little bit supported.
4. I am free of that d&mn blood pressure monitor as of this morning AND I actually got some sleep despite having it on!
I'm going to banish the word 'negatives', so I'll call them 'grey' things today:
1. My car is in for its MOT today, and I know it needs two new tyres and oil & filter change, so lots of pennies will be spent there, I should have the money in the bank to cover it though, hopefully, if nothing else needs doing.
Woohoo - there's only 1 I can think of!
Happy Friday all
xx - i wrote a big reply and then my internet decided to cut out and i lost the lot
but anyway, was just saying, what a great list of positives and how awesome it is that you are able to compile them and try not to think about the grey stuff the weird thing is, no matter how dark the times are, there are always positives to be found and its sometimes the smallest of things that can lift your spirits.
keep posting and posting the positives! it will help
and also I hope the MOT doesn't come back with any nasty surprises,
..Levi...x - Thanks Levi, it's already helping to write things down so will definitely keep posting
Well, the two new tyres I needed came as no shock, but I'm glad I was sitting down when I got the final bill. I'm now Ј269 poorer, but at least my tyres are road legal. Now to pay the tax tonight @ Ј130.
Small victories though - stupid obnoxious garage man tried to charge me for a service I hadn't requested and work that didn't need doing... he picked on the wrong girl! I'm no mechanic, but I am quite technically minded and was well aware he was trying to pull a fast one, so had great delight in telling him so, much to his embarrassment. - Love it!
My sister is a car tech and I take great joy in bringing her with me to a garage as "rip off protection". Once a garage told me I had to pay about Ј250 for a brand new piece of kit when they had !!!!!!ed up some of my coding during an unrelated repair. Brought my sister with me a few days later and she went in, did a couple of minor things with pressing buttons in a sequence.. and it was entirely resolved, for FREE. Right in front of them too Never felt so smug and of course they were even more stunned because she was the girl
Well done for not being a mug - they prey on them! (I'm one too so always best to bring back up )
Have a great evening and weekend! - Oh that's brilliant Levi!
You could do with hiring your sister out - 'rent a tech' stylee - you never know, it may catch on!
You too, have a fab weekend with LL.
x - Lots of 'greys' today... I'm trying really hard to be cheerful today.
It was just me & my little man all weekend and neither of us were feeling 100%, so we didn't do much. I felt like such a rubbish mummy for mostly letting him veg and watching DVDs for the weekend and probably not entertaining him as much as I should have done. We also didn't get to go to his usual Saturday sporty club session as we had to wait in for the boiler to be serviced. He did seem to be playing by himself a lot whilst I rushed around trying to get things done in the house
He loves company and generally has no-one to play with other than Me and his Dad. I feel bad that he won't have a brother or sister now, but I try not to dwell on that as I'm not really close to mine, and let's be honest, there's nothing I can do about it!
Ds has also not been sleeping well for weeks now. He never has slept particularly well, but it did improve about a year ago for a while. The broken sleep is killing me! I'm at that 'struggling to function' tired now. I could really do with a week off just to sleep and catch up with things in the house!
Right, let's try and find some positives:
1. It's pay day on Wednesday. This is when my obsession with YNAB will have to begin too as I'll be living on my new (very sparse) single budget!
2. I'm not overdrawn. Yet. Although it's close...
I'm going to try and start painting my lounge evenings this week. I have all the paint and think I have enough rollers/brushes in the garage, will have to check tonight. May need a dust sheet of sorts though.
I also have a few orders I need to get out of the way for my home business (I'll talk about that another time), so will try and get those done and sent off tonight.
Sorry it's a bit of a grey update this morning, I'm really not feeling the love today!
Happy Monday all
xx - Hey me, fab diary.
We sound in very similar positions re exes and the kids, the whole set up.
I am also a YNABer and in the middle of decorating!!
Keep up the good start you have made, nothing like a fresh coat of paint to banish the greyness!! - Hi Andy and welcome aboard
Not sure whether to say 'sorry' you're in the same position as me or 'glad to hear it', as, I'm not sure about you, but my ex and I get on well, so I'm aware things could be a lot worse but in some ways it makes it much harder.
I shall be hunting you down for decorating and YNAB tips then for sure. I have a whole 4 bed house to do, so if you finish yours early, feel free to come round with a paintbrus.!h
Your comment made me smile as I just realised the paint I've bought is grey!!!! must be my subconscious picking the bl00dy paint to match my mood! Although it is a nice kind of grey.... and to be fair, I did test lots of bright colours for a wall in my kitchen over the weekend so it's not all doom and gloom
Happy painting
x - Feel the love! BOOM!
You're an amazing mum and don't ever think differently - sometimes a weekend lazing around is essential, especially if you both were below par! Has your son got a pet? I know LL benefits from this companionship in place of a sibling (I get the same "oh he'll always be lonely" type guilt feelings) but I assure you your son is just glad he has his awesome mommy hope your week is sunny and full of hope xxxxxxxxxxx - Thanks Levi, you're such a star
No, no pets. With me ALWAYS being at work and actually home very little, they would get neglected, so unfortunately not really an option. He's getting to the age now where he wants his friends to come and play, so when the weather's a bit nicer we'll start having some days in the garden with kiddiwinks I think, that should help.
I actually gave myself a kick up the &rse and did some work last night... only to run out of supplies half way through ! I got 3 orders completed though and will order the paper I need today to do the rest. Unfortunately it's Ј50 a packet but it does eventually pay for itself a few times, I could just do without having to fork out for it presently.
Today I've made sure I've brought breakfast and lunch to work with me, so no more buying both like I did yesterday.
Have a good day all
xx - Hi MeandO
Just a comment on the BP and stress. My OH was very ill for a few years and my BP skyrocketed to 226/136, a few years early it had averaged out at 121/82, which is about right.
I felt the stress never really went away and alongside only partly effective standard BP meds, I found taking a low dose beta blocker quite helpful. If you are feeling stressed out still, then maybe that could be worth discussing with your doc.
Good luck with your new life - Thanks bugslet, wow, that was a scarily high bp! I haven't received the results back from the 24 hour test yet, but may phone them today to see if they can tell me anything. I did peek at the screen throughout the day though and some of the readings were much lower and looked fine, so I have my fingers crossed.
I want to start getting back to a good level of fitness again as I have been letting that lapse of late, and it makes me feel so much better both physically and mentally.
Hope the stress continues to lie low for you too.
x - Hi MeandO - loving the new avatar have a great day xx
- Oh, meant to add - I hear you on the pet, LL would have an entire zoo if he had his way but thankfully we are able to have the one dog because my fairy god neighbour comes in every lunch time to talk him for a quick walk and a toilet break xx
- Thanks Levi, there were concerns from some I WAS actually a minion... although I kinda like the idea if I'm being honest, think of all the cool stuff you could get away with!
Does your FGN have a sister/brother/close relative who would like to move near me please? I can bake... and we're house-trained and everything! - I've just completed an online shop, using My Supermarket.
Not sure whether I believe the 'you've saved Ј29 on a shop' claim, but ASDA came up the cheapest, so I've gone with them. Delivery is booked for Friday night (I'm sure Friday night's used to be more exciting!), and came in at Ј46.65 which is more than I would usually spend, but we have guests staying this weekend, so I'm catering for 2 extra.
I shall be adding it to YNAB as soon as I get the actual cost in.
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