Rubbish days

A question about : Rubbish days

Does anyone else ever feel like a bit of a rubbish mum (or Dad)?

I feel tired constantly at the moment. I have a heavy 5 month old baby who can't sit up on her own yet so requires a lot of carrying (can't get on with slings btw..have tried), and a 3 year old who is going through a 'challenging' stage (don't they all!)

What I really would like to do is hand them over to a grandparent for a couple of days, sleep (lots) and maybe do something radical like go for a meal or a drink. I'm still breastfeeding so this is a pipe dream for another month at least..have tried expressing and it's such a chore. Grandparents don't live anywhere nearby either so that's another thing.

Some days I really struggle to motivate myself to go out. I always try to do something for 3 year olds sake, but just feeling a bit 'meh'.

Not sure the point of my ramble..I know all the things we 'could' do, and have done groups, swimming, museums, coffees with pals, park etc etc..guess I just want to know that I'm not the only mum out there who feels everyone else seems to be doing it 'better'?

I let toddler watch Cbeebies too.....

Best answers:

• ahh thank you sulkisu..just the sort of post I was hoping for!
  Wow, you've got 3 on your hands...and your OH is away?? Massive respect to you, it's tough enough just getting through a day with them both somedays, and that's knowing that OH will be back at 7pm!
  I think motherhood is stupidly competative, even if you are determined never to let it get that way. I always feel under pressure to be 'doing' things, and some days it's just all a massive struggle.
  I physically ache from lifting and carrying the baby, lugging kids in and out of the car, dragging my buggy up and down stairs..I just want to SIT and watch Homes Under the Hammer with a cuppa and NO KIDS DEMANDING anYTHING!
  Just barked at DS as he was annoying me, made him cry...bah.
  I tell them both I love them all the time too, and always say sorry if I've shouted.
  I'm just fed up of seeing pictures on FB of friends with kids who seem to be doing stuff all the time and enjoying it! I often find it a real chore, particularly if we do something and DS decides he's going to have a 'toddler tantrum' day.
  Sigh..good to offload anyway. Glad it's not just me
• nb - don't think this weather/time of year helps at all.
  It seems to have rained every single day for as long as I can remember.
  I'm sure in the summer when we can have picnics in the park again things will seem better, although I'll be back at work part time by then.
• 3 year old seems to have regressed in sleep as well and is waking us up by coming into our bedroom about 3-4 times a night at the moment. That coupled with the baby waking for feeds every 4 hours means sleep is sporadic, probably a factor as to why I am feeling so down.
• I'll stop talking to myself now!
• I have no experience but I think sulky is right- as long as they're fed and clean and know they're loved that's all that actually matters. I was stuck in front of the TV and didn't do many activities aimed at me (had to go along with what big sisters did) and I have only happy memories of my childhood
  And the pictures of Facebook will only ever be of the good days and you'll have some of them soon too I'm sure x
• I'm sorry you feel so rotten. If it's any consolation pretty much every mum has days (or weeks) like this where you wish you could just put your kids into stasis and have a day to yourself - or even a trip to the loo in peace. Try to carve out little moments just for you and appreciate them like a nice scented bath in the evening, or 2 minutes in the pantry stuffing a choccie biccie unseen.
  Try not to make big decisions while you feel like this. If you are done with the breastfeeding then stop but don't do it because you think it will make this feeling magically disappear. You'll still have 2 demanding little ones day and probably night and the GPs will still be too far away to help that much. Don't feel guilty if that is what you want to do though just be careful it's not a knee jerk 'I want my body/life back' reaction.
  Also always remember that we only put the lovely, shiny stuff on facebook. For example, I'm having a horrible, low day so I distracted myself by baking and icing some very pretty little cakes for my DD's Brownie disco. Then I took a pic and put it on FB in the hope that positive feedback would cheer me up. What I've actally done is created a 'look at me and my lovely creative, domestic life' status which is a complete fiction in comparison to my untidy house, comfort eating of cakes too misshapen to photograph and desire to sob uncontrollably. What I'm saying (between my whinging!) is no one stops to take a photo of their toddler tantruming at soft play, or their kids still in PJs at 2.30 glued to Cbeebies but it happens to all of us.
  I'm not sure any of this will help you but you aren't alone, motherhood is hard work, constant and you are always at the bottom of the pile. The rewards are incredible but it's hard to see that when you are covered in sick trying to rock one to sleep while teaching the other the value of self control...
• We all have them, believe me and I only have one. I hate this time of year. In the summer you can be in the garden from very early to late, but not possible ATM so sympathies x
• Oh my days. Here here! I have a 17month DS and a 4 month old baby and I feel like I don't get out much, I've started taking them for walks just to get out the house. DS1 goes out with his grandparents to play groups twice a week at least.
  I think its just the age and the fact I don't have a car in the day - I think I would be happy for the youngest to go away for a couple days just so I could take DS1 places without having to worry about how I would cope with two.... :-/
  I'm running a business as well from home so its all madness...at least OH is home at 6pm everyday.
• I don't know if this will help but my children are a lot older and all grown up now,I have 3 two of which were 18 months apart. A few years ago now I contacted the local collage as my local one was doing a child are courses and put my name forward as a someone willing to have a student do work experience at, it helped me lots just having a extra pair of hands and also someone to chat to also a added bonus they are getting experience. And my children made a friend who they still are in contact with all these years later.i don't know if colleges still do this sort of thing as it was a few years ago now . I understand peoples wariness but they are fully vetted and you don't leave them on their own with the children but at least you have a extra pair of hands to help. Just a thought .
• Thanks everyone. It's nice to just read some 'real' experiences of motherhood, alongside the fluffy 'yummy mummy' one's I sometimes feel everyone else is living except me!
  I don't think motherhood has ever come easily to me, and I do my best but somedays I struggle a bit with it all, particularly the tiredness both mental and physical. I also constantly feel guilty that I am not doing enough to keep my 3 year old occupied.
  It made me laugh the other day as I said to him ' shall we go to the park today and feed the ducks?' to which he replied 'no thanks..I want to stay at home and play with my toys'!!
  I could have wept with joy as dragging my ar5e down to the cold muddy park yet again was not something I was relishing!
  Big congrats on your recent arrival btw TeamLowe I have been stalking you
• I do actually have a Jumperoo..it's currently residing in the loft, I'm intending on digging it out as soon as DD can hold herself upright a bit more. It worked a dream with DS..fab thing!
  Thanks..I know ignoring what the world says is the thing to do. My mum never did huge amounts with us when we were kids, save the odd trip to the park, and we turned out ok(ish) I also remember with nostalga watching Rainbow, Finger Mouse, The Flumps etc, which I guess are the equivalent to today's Mr Tumble and In the Night Garden!
  Prior to having my son I did NCT classes, which were great in that I met a bunch of really nice girls (and blokes), who were a godsend in those early days of early first time motherhood when I needed lots of support. I still see most of them, in fact we are having a joint 3rd birthday party this coming weekend for all the kiddies.
  However I also ran myself ragged doing every bl00dy baby group/baby massage/Sing and Sign/swimming/Monkey Music/Gymboree etc as that is what they were all doing. I was not only skint very quickly (these things cost a fortune), but I was also exhausted and stressed out much of the time, yet I felt i ahd to keep up with everyone else or DS would miss out. Ridiculous really as a baby doesn't care if he/she is at Gymboree or just playing about on a playmat at home! It was all for the mums.
  This time round I haven't felt the need to be constantly seeing other mums and chatting over cups of tea and too much cake, and I think DD at 5 months old is happy with lots of cuddles, a good roll about on her playmat and the odd trip to the park. I do feel that DS needs to be more stimulated though, so try and get out at least once a day, but somedays it is just such a struggle, particularly if I've had a rough night with the baby the night before.
• I'm only halfway through my pregnancy and I'm feeling this way! Currently sat on the sofa eating chocolate while the ironing glares at me. I know I should be making the most of this rare time off before the baby arrives but to be honest I can't seem to get my backside lifted to do anything. Yet it's not like I'm really enjoying sitting here either. I reckon 'meh' describes it perfectly.
• DS does actually already do 2 days a week at nursery and 1 at a childminder. I was working 3 days a week, so kept my childcare in place when I went on mat leave to keep the place as I am going back to work in June, and also as I just thought I'd crack with both at home full time.
  I have nothing but admiration for women who are SAHM's. I just couldn't do it, and have always thought DS probably get's a lot more stimulation going to nursery and his CM a few times a week than he would being at home with me all week.
• Thank you ladies!
  I was just having a rose-tinted moment of "I miss my boys being little" and you've just reminded me of the reality of it all!
  Anyway - I am here as living proof that it is survivable, and to remind you all that no matter how "bad" you think you are being by not constantly being perfect: no-one is perfect and they won't actually remember these early years so don't feel guilty - good enough is good enough!
  Also - save some strength for what is to come......
• Ooh, I found it sooo hard when the kids were only a little bit smaller (they are 5 and 3), but we seem to have turned a corner where they are turning into normal (well normal for children) human beings.
  I am so not a maternal person and went through hell for the first two years of my youngest daughter’s life. Their dad left me after 11 years when I really wasn’t in a state to cope with things by myself.
  I used to beat myself up constantly about being a bad mum, feeding them parp cos that was all they’d eat etc. But now I don’t care. I do the best that I can, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t spend my life worrying about things anymore.
  They don’t want to eat, that’s fine, they can eat tomorrow, it’s not like I didn’t try giving them food. They want to sleep in my bed, that’s fine, it means we all get sleep and it’s not like they’re going to be doing it when they’re 16.
  Same goes for my youngest having a dummy and a bottle. People say I’m making a rod for my own back, but I just can’t be dealing with the hassle of taking them off her. She doesn’t have them that often, only when she’s tired and again, she won’t be doing it when she’s 16.
  I also don’t stress about how much tv they watch. They both go to school (youngest only in the mornings), so they get stimulation there. And they don’t watch it all the time at home. Mainly when the evening is wearing down and they’re done making a complete mess of the house.
  And the whole facebook thing. It’s true. People don’t put their bad days on there. I tend to avoid it now and just don’t post anything.
  People have said to me they are small for such a short time, but when they are constantly whinging and clinging on to you so that you can’t go the toilet, it’s hard to see the good in comments like this. But I guess it’s true. Still I wouldn’t do the baby bit again for anything! Now my girls are getting older, I might actually enjoy the things they want to do. Like on Sunday, we are going to see Frozen in the cinema, yay!