Recipe for Disaster (Humorous.., eventually)

A question about : Recipe for Disaster (Humorous.., eventually)

I thought the dogs coming back from a muddy walk and spreading it all over the floor/furniture, gaily running away while I try to get them in the bath (with them positively grinning at the fun catch me if you can game) was the worst disaster but this morning I discovered better.

There is a recipe to this disaster.

1) Cook two racks of pork ribs for three hours for a real treat for the family.

2) Make marinade using brown sugar, tomato ketchup, lots of garlic, honey, Worcester sauce without a single careless thought as to what happens if ribs came into contact with floor. Note it smells delicious. Feel really pleased with self for coming up with this delight and making it well. Look forward to eating it.

3) Leave ribs on back of kitchen work surface in baking tray, covered in foil cause it won't fit in fridge. Its very cold so same as leaving it in fridge.., thank god for sending near freezing weather.

4) Added ingredient 1 - eight year old who goes wandering at night and leaves closed kitchen door open.

And you've guessed it - Added ingredient 2.., DOGS.

So I am woken at 5am by distraught older son (19, he really loves his food, this is of world shattering importance to him so I try to react suitably to the gravity of the occasion and open eyes at same time), carrying the remaining ribs still in their tray like they are a religious relic, with a report that its a bit messy downstairs.

5) I go downstairs. Reluctantly. With shoes on. Two thirds of the ribs are gone (but the dogs kindly left the bottom layer for other members of the family).
.., But the sauce is not gone. Its spread over the floor of the lounge and the kitchen (note to self thank god again for laminate flooring) very thoroughly. While wondering how on earth I am going to clean this mess up I marvel at how far half a jug of sauce can spread. Is this a miraculous event? Or just what happens with dogs?

6) Spend two hours cleaning floors and mess in kitchen. Yes, two hours. Note to self, tomato ketchup should never have been invented and I shall write saying so.

7) Then start cleaning the back yard as the guilty party has an stomach upset.

8) I am now speaking to dogs again rather than just glaring at them. I have stopped telling myself in a calm voice 'These things happen when you have dogs and children. I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen '.

9) Younger son has stopped saying 'I don't deserve x., because I let the dogs in the kitchen'. I have stopped smiling in a calm way and saying to him .., (see (8). Traumatised older son told him off, this morning while I was ankle deep in tomato ketchup.

Major achievement. I didn't swear once. Probably numb lol.

Best answers:

• Next time hide them in the oven. They will fit in there. I have hidden stuff in the switched off oven, the microwave and even the dishwasher before now. My sister has a spaniel, a labrador and a Jack Spaniel (should have been another spaniel but close inspection of a growing puppy showed the farm Jack Russell had got there first) and the only safe place for food in her house is the top of the kitchen cupboards. They haven't managed to get up there.....yet.
  My sister dropped hot baking beans in her kitchen last week. Picture demented woman chasing dogs that were chasing hot beans.
• The oven was still warm, would have been a nice bacteria growth medium lol don't possess a dishwasher, microwave way too small.
• I don't have a dishwasher any more either, or a shower with it's own closing doors which was my other solution (seedlings used to live in the shower until they were ready to be planted out as the only house plant that I have left is a cactus). Your dogs must have thought all their birthdays had come at once.
• Presume the dogs ate the bones 'n all? Please make sure you keep an eye on them as (I'm sure you know) cooked bones can splinter and cause internal damage.
• Yes I keep a close eye on them.., don't worry. They are fine so far. We were cruel and removed anything they hadn't eaten yet lol.
• I have hidden things in the oven only to have them burned to a crisp after flat mate turned it on without checking what was in it later in the day.
  I also had a lodger who would wrap everything in about 5 layers of foil if you put it down for more than a few seconds.
• When we (all five of us) went to dinner at a friend's house there was an almighty crash from the kitchen. Unfortunately for her, we all rushed through to see her large dog holding the ham which had been left out (cos her dog is too well behaved to touch it ) between its jaws. It was unfortunate for her because I'm confident it would have been dusted down and presented if we hadn't seen it for ourselves - it wasn't thrown out and would have been too salty to feed the dogs.
• WOW Kudos on the no swearing...
• I am sure it was just because I was initially too shocked by how far the BBQ sauce had spread, and then was too busy cleaning up lol. Probably the fact it was 5am and I was tired helped seal my lips lol.