Real-life MMD: Should we share private financial info with mother-in-law for sake of

A question about : Real-life MMD: Should we share private financial info with mother-in-law for sake of

Money Moral Dilemma: Should we share private financial info with mother-in-law for sake of interest-free loan?

My husband and I are struggling financially at the moment, so my mother-in-law’s offered to lend us money, as she has before. However, this time she’s demanded we share our income and outgoings with her before she pays out. I’m sure she just wants to help, but in the nicest possible way, I don’t feel it’s her business. My husband rightly acknowledges the only alternative is to get a loan from the bank. Should I swallow my protests for the sake of an interest-free loan?

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Best answers:

• I can understand why she might want to have this information - it enables her to assess if you can afford to repay her. In addition there's a good chance that the financial institution you otherwise borrow from will also require a budget planner detailing your income and expenditure.
  I rather think, therefore, the decision you have to make is "Do you sacrifice some of your privacy to your mother in law for the benefit financially of not paying what might be a lot of interest?"
• It maybe because she thinks you are frittering it away and she wants to know where her money is going. You could always show her bills that need paying and she could do it that way rather than actually giving you money.
  People who lend money often want some sort of control. If you ultimately don't want her interfering and knowing your business then don't take the money.
  If you want to get out of trouble it won't be for ever.
• She's nothing but a control freak, which is the last thing you need. I sympathise, but don't be tempted or she will hold it against you forever. Go to a bank for a loan, you'll only lose interest, not your self respect.
• No. If she's loaned you money before and you've paid it back, she's had enough experience of your ability to meet your obligations.
  Sit down with her and a cup of tea and remind her that you and your husband are adults, and such an intrusion, although necessary for banks and their shareholders, is inappropriate in a family setting.
• My personal view is that if she is kind enough to lend you money then you play by her rules.
  If you don't want to give the details to her then go to the bank and get a loan off them.
  Paying the interest to the bank seems to be the cost of keeping your privacy in this situation.
• I have been in almost the same situation as you OP. My husband and I needed to borrow some money from my in laws to buy a new car, but before they lent it to us my FIL 'demanded' to sit down and go through our income and outgoings with my husband. At first I was very annoyed, it felt like he didn't trust us (even though we borrowed before and paid them back) and I didn't want him prying into our business. We needed the money so I swallowed my pride and went through it with him. Turns out it had nothing to do with him prying, he wanted to help us and make sure we didn't set up a repayment that we wouldn't be able to keep. It taught me to not always jump to the wrong conclusion. Maybe your MIL wants to offer some advice to you? She's been budgeting and looking after a family a lot longer than you and your husband, she might have some ideas on where you could cut back. Or maybe she just wants to make sure she can lend you enough to help you, and for you to pay back what you can afford?
  Don't assume the worst like I did x
• I wonder if the MIL is "demanding" you share your financial details, or is "offering" so she may be able to provide advice. It's a big difference.
  When you've borrowed money before, have you always paid it back on time and as promised? If not, your MIL's request is reasonable, as she probably wants to know she'll get the money back.
  But if you've always paid back the money as promised can't this be simply resolved by you speaking to the MIL, and expressing your gratitude for her offer of help, but saying you'd rather not share your personal finances?
  As with so many of these money dilemmas, this could easily and quickly resolved if you talk to the other person.
• Take the offer, she is after all your husbands' mother. Would you feel the same way if your own mother had asked you the same. Plus you can always bend the truth a little and only give her 1 bank account detail etc.
• Ask her why she wants to know and tell her you feel she is invading your privacy. She either wants to help you or not, but find out her motives before jumping to conclusions.
• You say you are struggling financially, in which case while a loan may temporarily ease the situation, the repayments may make it even more difficult to manage your finances in the future. If you have borrowed money from her before, she may be wanting to help you to budget your finances. Otherwise you are at risk of getting into a cycle of borrowing - and she may not always be in a position to bail you out.
• I think you should tell her what financial situation you're in. If you apply for a loan you give them all this information, they are strangers and will charge you for the privilege.
  You should count your lucky stars that she is able and wiling to help you.
  To some it could be considered nosy but hey you need to swallow your pride and just be grateful.
• It's a choice between a lower rate of interest and what you feel is an invasion of privacy. Only you can decide what is more important for you. I can think of different times in the past when I would have made different decisions about that.
• Yes she does have the right to make this a condition of the loan. You must understand that if this is a loan and not a gift she has the right to assess the risk she is taking by gaining an understanding of your ability to repay.
  I have experienced a similar situation from a different angle, where I have lent a family member a large sum of money and am now struggling to get repaid. Because the relationship isn't simply financial dealing with it is now much more complex.
  If you want the help you need to be open about your income and expenditure, clear about the term of the loan and the expected schedule of repayments. If you have discretionary expenditure which you intend to maintain (e.g. gym membership, regular night out with friends, holiday plans) you should also identify these items and agree with your mother in law that these will be cut if needed to make repayments to her.
  Above all else ensure you are all clear about the nature of the money in that it is a loan and not a gift.
• You'll find yourself having to give your 'private' financial details to the stranger at the bank if you opt for that road . It's your choice . Your MIL's interest is likely to be so as she can help rather than pry .
  Maybe you should ask yourself what it is you feel you'd like to hide - and from who (bank , MIL or yourself ?) .
• No, I wouldn't give these details to my mother in law. I would borrow from a bank over and above borrowing off of a family member anyway as it will lead to nothing but trouble. Families and lending do not mix.
  Really MIL has little trust for you and is being exeptionally nosey if she cannot just accept an assurance that you will pay back.
  Go to the bank, it will be easier.
• Give all your private details to the bank and pay a hefty interest or give same details to your MIL and pay no interest
  For me it's a no-brainer!
• If you don't want your mother in law to know your business then don't take her money. Have you thought what you are going to do when you have spent the money, if you do borrow it from her ? What you need to do is to cut down on your expenses, making sacrificial savings if need be.
• Maybe she wants to try and help ?
  By knowing facts about your income/expenses and then being able to suggest rational ideas to help you financially longer-term.
  Do you have anything to hide? Are you struggling financially because you are being less than optimal with your (money) resources and don't want to face that music with someone really 'close to home' ?
  Swallow your pride and be open to a potentially new way of thinking. I say potentially, because her 'demand' for those details could be rational - is she baffled as to why you still need *another* loan to help ?
• If you don't want to play by her rules, don't take her money. Simple.