Please help a very new mum

A question about : Please help a very new mum

Hi all

Very new mum here of four days. Breastfeeding issues and hours of red in the face screaming through the night. She won't take the breast very often and won't take a bottle of expressed (last resort in early hours). Please tell me it gets better.

Alongside this baby doesn't really like sleeping in Moses basket. One of us is up with her when she's sleeping having to hold her whilst the other tries to sleep. Managed to get her to sleep in it today, I take it it's a case of just keep trying? Which now makes me worry about if she does sleep in the basket how can I stop worrying she'll be ok and sleep myself?

Feeling exhausted and a bit overwhelmed.

Any advice appreciated

Best answers:

• Think it is all par for the course here and being a new mum you may feel overwhelmed but it will get easier, Routine is the best thing and keep trying to put her in the basket to sleep.
  I also believe it is better to carry on as normal around a baby ie:- hovering, tv on and so on, It will get easier so don't panic.
• Oh bless you! You sound overwhelmed and it reminds me of my firstborn - she's 31 now!
  Just keep persevering - do you have any Children's Centres nearby? They are an excellent place to meet up with other mums (and if you are lucky a nice health visitor or two) - nice to chat to other mums in the same situation.
  If possible I would really persevere with the moses basket - I used to let my baby fall asleep in my arms then try and transfer her into the basket - she would always wake up, and also got into the habit of only falling asleep whilst being held - big mistake! No 2 was put into her Moses basket after being fed and changed - and was a much better sleeper. Have you got a cot you could try her in - some babies don't take to small sleeping areas - strange when you think where they have spent the last 9 months!
  You also sound knackered - do you have anyone who could take charge of your baby while you get some sleep during the day? Tiredness always makes things worse.
  Keep going, you are doing all the right things - it does get easier, it's just so hard when it's all new.
• Hi hun..o bless you..how old is your baby? And is she getting enough milk from you when feeding?
  As for sleeping let them fall asleep on you and then gently place them in the basket..i used rolled up towels to literally wedge the babies in place so they feel secure..
  we all here to help you..you sound tired..can anyone help for a few hours so you can get some sleep..it does get easier believe me..
  ask your HV or midwife for help with feeding
  ftm
• Sorry just seen she is four days..your milk should start to come through now and may fill her up a bit more..
  ftm
• If she doesn't like the Moses basket try a cot or a carry cot. MiL once told me about the wonderful coach built pram she proudly bought for her first born. He cried all the time whenever put in it. She gave up and bought a cheap one. He loved it. Some babies love the Moses basket, some hate it. We can't fathom their thinking process, just have to try something else till we get it right.
  And yes it does get better, though you still have the 6 week colic stage to get through
  If life is difficult seek advice from your health visitor or join NCT.
  I still treasure the advice I got from a healthcare professional when going through a particularly bad patch - "it's perfectly normal to want to kill your baby. What is not normal is to do it". Babies are relentless in their demands, you can't reason with them, you just have to get through it. And you will. ((()))
• It will get better. Try her in a cot, she might not like the smell or sensation of being hemmed in by the moses basket (I am assuming it's wicker which smell a bit IMO). My DD screamed when I took her out in her pushchair with the carrycot on; no pacifying so on third outing put her in the pushchair (had a cushion to make suitable for new borns) and she loved it. No tears at all so being more exposed made her happier.
  My DD 19 and I didn't subscribe to the "let them scream" brigade, so do what you feel comfortable with. My DD was breastfed but wasn't a hungry baby so 10 mins on the boob and she was done. She was a windy baby though so we would spend what felt like hours rubbing her back!
  I lasted 3 weeks before taking HV hint that sucking on a dummy can help ease wind - it did and DD slept so much better. I decided I would sleep when she did and forget housework until we had both settled into a routine we were both happy with. Not all babies are born knowing they should eat, sleep and smile to order!!
  Remember your baby has been close to you for the last 9 months so it's strange for her too, if she wants a cuddle, then cuddle. Let other family members help and cuddle her. You can't spoil a child with attention IMO.
  Even when DD was teething and woke at night I would just pick her up, give her some milk, take her into bed with me and we would all sleep! No problem getting her back into her cot again when she wasn't teething. She needed comfort because she was in pain/unsettled and we provided it.
  What's important is that you get your rest to recover. Accept offers of help and don't feel rude in going for a nap while they get on with helping.
• It gets easier, really it does. I've had 4 children myself and the first few weeks are pretty tough physically and emotionally. I recommend phoning a free breastfeeding councillor if you are struggling with breastfeeding, every day you can breast feed is a bonus so take it day by day and try to relax while you feed. Here is the national childbirth trust helpline which can give you more help and advice if you need it.
  Helpline (0300 330 0700)
• For practical and emotional support in all areas of pregnancy, birth and early parenthood including help with feeding.
• See call costs
• Calling us costs the same as any local call, however, if you have free 'inclusive' minutes on a landline or mobile, it will be included in those.
• Your proper breastmilk wont come in until around the end of the first week but persevering will ensure that Baby gets all the benefits of natural immunities.It does get easier.
  Have you tried getting an old cotton tshirt or nightie that you have worn but not washed (so it still has a familiar smell for Baby)and using it as a sheet in the moses basket to lie baby on- I found best way was to slip moses basket mattress into the t shirt and hiding the ends underneath.
  Sleep for you is really important-if you don't rest you will be tired, get stressed more easily and that can affect the milk production
  Give yourself a break and a pat on the back, you only gave birth 4 days ago, its a huge change for you and this is perfectly normal, it will settle down
  There are many new mums of bottlefed babies who have the same issues-you just are worrying in case you are failing at breastfeeding-well you are trying, if you succeed well and good, if not don't feel a failure because you are not-you are just a good (albeit new!) mum who wants the best for Baby. And hope you get some sleep and everything settles down
• Yes - it will get easier, I promise!
  I recommend buying a baby lambskin for the baby to sleep on. I didn't have one for my first (cost!), but bought one for my second and it was an absolute godsend. He'd sleep anywhere as long as he had his "lamby". Did the same with the same outcome for my third.
• I can only agree with most of what has been said above but please, babies of that age don't have
  likes and dislikes.
  They cry because they are hungry, or wet and uncomfortable.
  They haven't got the capacity to think 'I don't lke this Moses basket. Persevere because baby will be warmer and protected from draughts and cold air.
  Your milk should be coming through by now so you should get a few hours sleep in one go.
  It does get better, the bad times come back for a while once they hit the age of 14 lol.
  Relax and enjoy.
  Have a look for a book called 'The Human Ape' its fascinating.
• It does get better (eventually), but I guarantee that you will have a few more weeks of feeling awful, tired frustrated, sleep deprived and thoroughly hacked off at the world. I'm not saying that to depress you, just to prepare you and to let you know that it's okay to feel that way. I have three boys - DS1 was 18 months old when his twin brothers appeared. When they were four days old, I was ready to pack my bags and leave home - I planned to come home when they turned 18! Some well meaning person told me that it would get better and I nearly punched her (luckily, I was too damned tired). But it does. They start to feed properly, sleep for longer and then just wait until she's sleeping through the night (usually around 12 weeks) - you really start to feel human again. Good luck and congratulations BTW.
• Sounds very familiar! For the first 6 weeks, DD refused to sleep anywhere but on one of us. We had to take shifts through the night. What helped was when she got big enough for sleeping bags. We could cuddle her to sleep in the sleeping bag and when we transferred her to the cot there was no real change of temperature or smell. I also read up about baby sleep cycles, which are different to adults, and found that if I held her for a least 20 minutes after she fell asleep, she would often stay asleep when put down. I don't agree that this 'creates a rod for your own back' as some might argue. At this age they need love and cuddles.
• Okay, some basic biology here.
  Your milk has probably only just come in. Your baby has to learn how to get it out. It's rarely an instant thing. Was there any birth trauma? DD was born by forceps and sucking obviously hurt her for several weeks. Try to relax - babies tend to lose a bit of birth weight because they aren't used to having to work for their food!
  The Moses basket. We didn't have one. I wouldn't. For the past 4-5 months your baby has been snuggled up in your tummy. It's an odd thing for them to suddenly be able to move arms and legs freely. A Moses basket is flat - your tummy wasn't. Unless there's something you desperately need to do that involves putting your baby down, let them sleep on you. Get a sling if you need your arms free.
  All human babies are born prematurely - they need another : months inside really but we wouldn't be able to get them out. So treat the first 3 months as the 4th trimester (Google it). You're trying to recreate womb conditions. So hearing your heartbeat as much as possible, swaddled or sling to keep them snuggled and feed on demand. It gets much easier (till the 2 week growth spurt hits )
  Whatever you do make sure you are eating and drinking properly and sleeping whenever you get the chance. NOTHING else is as important.
• Congratulations and Big hugs Hun! The first few weeks are TOUGH! But I absolutely promise you that it DOES get easier! xxx
  My daughter is 5 months old now so I can remember feeling exactly how you are feeling. My top tips:
  1. If you want to continue breastfeeding then join a breastfeeding support group ASAP and get yourself down there as soon as you feel able to get out if the house. We went to a group at our local Sure Start centre and it helped immensely! We still go now and have made some great friends who we can discuss our new mummy problems and concerns with (talking really helps!)
  2. We also spent hours on the phone to the la leche league for breastfeeding support. They have a free helpline which was a lifeline when I was not leaving the house. They talked me through positions and stuff to try which really helped. Sorry I don't have the number but your MW or HV should do.
  3. Don't place unrealistic expectations on yourself or your baby! For the first few weeks your baby will want to pretty much stay nuzzled at your boobs. Exhausting but it won't last forever so just relax, make people wait on you hand and foot and snuggle on the sofa/bed with DVD box sets. I found once I took this approach, I actually quite enjoyed it!
  4. We found baby didn't like Moses basket and wouldn't sleep so we got a sleepyhead pillow bed and had baby in that in the bed with us. It was summer so we didn't bother with a duvet so there was no risk of baby getting covered or smothered but HV nearly wet herself worried about the risk of so called co-sleeping! However it was the only thing that worked for us and was worth every single penny. Baby still sleeps in it now in her chicco next2me crib. We got it on offer from wauwaa so only paid half price but I know john lewis sell them too. I also know new mums who made their own by rolling up towels and putting them underneath the Moses basket sheet, although I have no idea if this is safe or not.
  4. My baby won't drink expressed milk (could this be why your baby won't drink a bottle?) and my milk also didn't come in until 2 weeks after birth because I lost a lot of blood during the birth. We therefore used SmA gold ready made bottles from boots, they are expensive (Ј6.99 for 6) but they come with nuk teats and my baby drank those. As soon as my milk came in we ditched the formula and exclusively breastfed for 4 months. After 4 months we have introduced one bottle of formula a day to try to encourage her to sleep longer at night. I WISH she had slept through the night at 12 weeks.....not many baby's I know do!!
  I promise it really does get easier but the first few weeks are soooo tough. Hope things get easier soon xxx
• Four days in to motherhood, your hormone levels are going crazy, you and baby are still in the very early days of finding you feet. What you are going through is all completely normal.
  The only thing that matters is you and baby, forget everything else - stay in bed all day, listen to your baby it isn't trying to manipulate you but tell you what it wants which is basically, YOU, YOU, YOU. Feed as much as you can, skin to skin contact, sleep together (doing it safely).
  You will come out of the haze, it gets easier slowly around 12 weeks or so I think you can start feeling in control a bit. But you will never sleep again how you did pre-parenthood. Forgot the mums bragging about their kid sleeping thru. I don't need more than two hands to count how many times my nearly 4 yr old has slept thru!!!!
• Both mine slept a little longer each night starting at about 4 weeks, but the time they were 8/10 weels they were sleeping for 11/12 hours.