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What did you decide to do?

We are having to make this decision soon and we do not have any family close by to help with day care.

For those that went back to work, what was the reason? There just wasn't enough money on one wage? You didn't want a gap in your career? Other reasons?

We just can't decide how to play this and we feel really nervous about leaving our precious bundle with a stranger at the nursery.

All comments welcome

Best answers:

• I went back to work full time after each of my three babies (once maternity leave had ended) There were various reasons but one of the main ones was that we couldn't afford to live off one wage without claiming some government top up and I am a big believer in paying for your own children and we are proud of the fact that everything we have we paid for. The career I am in is one that I wouldn't have been able to get back into if I left and I was also thinking more long term for things like pension. There was also a small element of it what was expected of me. All my family (grandparents, parents, siblings etc) worked and it has always been the way.
  Saying that though, I have not long gone back after my third baby after having a year off and if my OH earned enough to support us completely I wouldn't work. The year off with all three of my children was amazing. Stress free, loads of energy and we could do what we wanted, when we wanted with no clock watching or staying up overnight doing work related stuff and I could do housework at normal hours instead of in the middle of the night! You don't realise how much work takes out of you and how stressed you are until you stop!
  Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you and your family and no decision is completely irreversible. Wishing you lots of luck with your choice. xx
• I think it depends on your family circumstances. If you can afford not to go back, then don't.
  I went back quite early to work but to also finish my degree (son in nursery at 4 months) and 3 years later he is a happy, confident and social little lad who is due to start preschool in Sept. I believe if I'd stayed at home with him he wouldn't be the way he is now - rather the opposite? He loves the interaction with other kids.
  We're in a position where I don't need to work, but I work part time in a supermarket 16 hours a week (just changed from nightshift) and I thoroughly enjoy it. Gives me a chance to be myelf rather than just mam mam mam mam all the time x (and the staff discount comes in handy)
• There is no correct decision that suits all families but you will make the right decision for your family.
  I am going back to work part time. Luckily part time options are common in my profession and I wanted to go back to work to further my career (I'm only a few years into it).
  We could 'manage' on the one wage but we would have no nice things such as holidays which is something that's important to us. We also need to move house ASAP which is only possible with some more savings and quicker debt reduction.
  Additionally it's 'expected' within my family that mums go back to work- my mother did, as did my sister and many others.
  I didn't want to work full time and luckily our mums are sharing the childcare so its worked out well for us.
  Good luck with your decision.
• I always intended that I'd take a couple of years off work after having children. However our little girl is now three months and I'm already thinking about going back to work part-time. I love her to bits but I find myself craving adult interaction that isn't based around babies. I've really surprised myself but am starting to look for part -time work already and considering going back when she's 6 monyhs, albeit hopefully only 2days a week.
  Like NoAngel, we could manage on one wage, but by earning that bit extra we can afford to treat ourselves to holidays etc. We're fortunate that we have parents who are desperate to help with childcare so could do it without paid childcare until she's at least a year/18 months and then we'll probably look at nursery for the social side of it.
• I have just returned part time after having 12 months off with my first baby. At one point before I'd even had the baby I did think about having a few years out but I worked my backside off over the last 10 years to get qualified and get to a senior position and if I had a few years out I would lose all that so I decided part time was a good compromise for now.
  I don't enjoy my job really though and would love to get a similar job in a new company but its really hard to find part time work at my level.
  Its a huge decision and you need to decide what is important for you as a family.
• I returned to work 4 days a week and we have no help with childcare . we could have survived on one wage but it wouldn't give us any extra money to save, for holidays etc. Also I enjoy my job and feel like it gives me something to think about and also i enjoy my time off with my DD.
  As others have said is a personal decision and obviously depends on your finances and whether your career is important to you.
• I became unhappier and unhappier about the thought of going back to work as my maternity leave went on. I knew I didn't want the long hours and travelling I'd been doing before baby, and knew that going back part time would mean no change of promotion/moves to other companies for years. Having worked for 15 years on my career this made me very concerned.
  Luckily I was offered enhanced redundancy which made the decision very easy. My husband and I started a company which he consults through full time, and I consult as and when I want to. DD is now 3.5 and has been at a part time playgroup for a year, which she loves. She has an incredibly strong bond with the children from our antenatal group that she wouldn't have had she gone to nursery at 1. She starts school in September and is more than ready. We were there for her first words, first steps etc. If she was ill, it wasn't an issue. When DH was working away for several weeks (nature of his work) I didn't have to worry about being exhausted at work as I could sleep when she slept.
  We don't claim any benefits. We've modified our lifestyle to accommodate the reduction in income, and I've kept my skills up with courses and work projects.
• Economically with two very young kids (I've got 11 months between a 2 year old and a 1 year old it's not financially viable for me to be working. I love the time with the kids, and I love seeing them grow and develop - but it's lonely (especially if you don't manage to get in with the mummy clique where you live - ours have quite an unpleasant ringleader who didn't like me or my kids and after nigh on two years of smiling and trying to break barriers down I gave up on it) and you do tend to hit a point where your head feels like it'll explode if you get one more "mum mum mum mum mum mum mummmyyyyyy" sometimes!
  I think it depends on the child but my eldest is at the point where I think she's really going to benefit from a couple of pre-school sessions in the new academic year - she gets a lot of stimulation and interaction here and is very very bright and articulate (has been counting beyond 10 and recognising numbers for a long while, same with phonics - and I've not explicitly been teaching her) - but I think she needs more of the social interaction than I can give her... I don't see her sister being the same when she hits the same age though - shall see how things pan out in that regard but they're very different personalities the pair of 'em.
• I think whatever you decide, maybe fix a time to sit down and think about if you think it's right to continue. Don't be afraid to admit it's not working - if you find it's not working!! If whatever you do feels right and is working then be proud of yourself for making that decision!
  And if it doesn't work, it won't mean you made a mistake, just that you were able to re-evaluate things later on with having more experience.
  (Hope that makes sense!)
• Hi OP,
  I think most Mums can relate to that feeling of dread when it comes to leaving our little ones for the first time.
  I took the full year and went back part time (3 days a week) term time only and this works well for us. We could manage on just one wage but I want to do more than 'manage.' With my extra money we can have a nice holiday, days out, 2 cars and I can treat my daughter. We would struggle to do those extras with just the one wage. Plus I really enjoy my job, I love the adult conversations and having my mind on other stuff than just toddlers!
  Our family set up is perfect for us, I feel I get plenty of time with my daughter, but she also spends time with my Mum and 1 day in Nursery where she is coming on leaps and bounds and she loves playing with the other children. I'm not sure I could give her the experiences she currently has in a week if it were solely me doing the caring, plus I think me being independent of her and vice versa is healthy.
  Hope you work something out that suits you.
• Hi there,
  As everyone's pretty much said - this is a personal decision and even the research is out on weather or not kids do better full-time at home with Mum.
  My personal experiences are that I have a 14 yr old son and I went back to work part time when he was 6 weeks old, simply because I had no choice.
  I am now pregnant again (eeek!) and we're in a much better situation financially. This means that I'm planning on taking a full year off after this one and then trying for another baby shortly after, so I'll be home for around 2 years, possibly with a short return to work in the middle. After that, I'll decide if/when I might go back. I have to say, work keeps me sane, so I might be heading back for at least 2 days a week!
  Good luck with your decision.
  Debbie
• Thanks for sharing all your home vs. work decisions.
  Our current thinking is that OH will be staying at home for at least a few years as long as the finances balance out. We still have some time to discuss the options so if anyone else would like to share their experiences here, please do so.
• I returned to work full time when my DS was 11 weeks old for financial reasons.
  He was looked after by a child minder.
• I had 9 months of maternity leave as couldn't afford to be off the last 3 months of it without any money.
  I returned to work part time (3 days a week) 5 weeks ago and work in a school. So not too bad really in terms of the time I get to spend with her. She was 8 mths old when I returned to work and goes to nursery.
  We couldn't afford for me not to work and I also wanted to return to my career. It's nice having another focus and adult conversation.
  We get some money from the govt based on last years earnings as I was on maternity leave and OH was on minimum wage. I'm pretty sure that will stop next April as thankfully OH started a better paid job 4 weeks ago.
  I dreaded going back to work and my little girl going to nursery the closer the time came etc, but 5 weeks in and it's going well. I agree that Mon - Wed when I work things are very hetic and I'm usually shattered by 9pm and sometimes in bed at that time. Thurs - Sun is completely different, much more relaxed and more time to get things done as have more energy. For me and us we've got the balance right at the moment though.
  I'm off soon to go swimming with my little girl, these kinds of things I just didn't want to miss doing with her.
• I have a 1 yr old, and we're trying for our second so won't be going back to work for some time. I decided long before I had kids I would take extended leave from work, and return when our last child (no. 3!) goes to nursery. So I have a few years yet.
  We're lucky in that we can afford for me to stay home but I do find that it can be quite full on in that you don't get a break. My sister works a few hrs a day and finds the break away from baby does her good. But not everyone will feel like this and you have to see how it goes to some extent
• Hi
  I returned to work fulltime after both of mine.
  I couldn't afford to be a stay at home mum but to be honest I didn't really want to be !
  As much as I love my children I enjoyed having some independance from them and I felt they benefited from having time away from me with other children.
  Ideally I would have liked to have been parttime but that wasn't possible.
  Jen
• Hi,
  My children are now 10 and 6. I am the higher earner of the two of us so we decided that I would return part time to keep things ticking over etc. I didn't want to have to retrain and start at the bottom of the payscale.
  My first child went to day nursery from 10 months until 3 (when he started the nursery at the primary school where he still is now). He became a very confident child and is doing very well at school. I worked 2.5 days a week then (used to be full time up until maternity). My second child arrived when my son was about to start reception class so it was good timing (childcare fees). We decided to get a local childminder to help as we have no available family to assist at all (grandparents down to 50% and old now). I increased hours up to 3 days once I returned to work when my daughter was 11 months. Both children are in FT school now but we still use the same childminder (who is very flexible and doesn't charge us if DH is off work etc) for after school and school hols. DH works shifts so we often only need a few hours childcare on the days I am working in the school hols.
  I don't regret staying in my career. Looking back, I am glad I did. I am now in a position to work full time but I have decided to change my hours soon (to 2 long days) and do a post-16 PGCE part time. I want to teach my vocational subject (health related). It will allow me to have more time off in the school hols...hopefully.
  It depends what your wife does. If it isn't worth her working then I would stay at home.
• PS. It makes a HUGE difference if you have a good family support network. We don't.
• I have just gone back to work after 11 months maternity leave with my second child, she will be 11 months in a couple of weeks. I also have 3.5 year old son.
  When my son was born I was due back to my then job full time (more or less). They offered me some minimal flexible working, but when we looked at the distance I was commuting (S.London to Windsor) each day, and how much full time childcare was going to cost, and the stress of my old job (lots of European travel), it just didn't stack up, so I bit the bullet and resigned.
  I then managed to find a part time role (3 days a week) at a similar company, so jumped at it.
  With one child in childcare 3 days a week was tight, but my salary meant we could get a newer car and afford a few treats. This time however our childcare bill is now nigh on Ј1100 a month for 3 days a week Which is horrific.
  I have just today had a conversation with OH about how much money I am actually bringing in after childcare has been taken into account, and it's something like Ј200 a month! Not a huge amount for the commute I have to do (now S.London to Guildford).
  We have no family support..people who do are SO SO SO lucky. It's tough when you have no inlaws nearby to help out. My parents are old and in poor health, and OH's parents, whilst elderly too (early 70's), are in good health, but live over 3 hours away. They help when they can, but it's sporadic, and actually I don't think grandparents should have to feel they owe help. Different if they want to, but I get the impression from people I've known that there is a lot of expectation on grandparents to automatically help out.
  I also know myself and I really don't think I could cope with being a full time SAHM. I like working and so I feel I have a good balance of working and spending the remaining 2 days of the week with them at home.
  So for me it's not just about the financial monetary gain, it's also about keeping my mental health in tact! **
  ** I do totally love my kids..they are wonderful, but I also like using my brain and having some non-mummy related company during the day too!