09 Mar 2015

A question about : Multi Disciplinary Meeting for elderly

can anyone offer any advice please...I am desperate for help and advice..

Basically my mum(87) is in hospital after fracturing her hip, she has had an operation and is recuperating..
Now, unfortunately she cannot return home to where she lived before as she is getting more and more frail, she lived in a room attached to my sisters house but my sister is having chemo at the moment and at times has been very ill.. mum has fallen a few times and my sister hasn't been able to move her ( sister has lost so much weight and is quite frail at the moment)

As a family we have decided that mum cant return back to my sisters house....
its heart breaking and its all I think about at the moment!
I have explained all this to the hospital, occy health etc.. hence the MDT meeting where we discuss what's going to happen to mum one she is discharged from hospital.
the thing is she hasn't got dementia, she isn't incontinent, but she is frail....
mum is in denial that she needs help( a lot of elderly people deny the fact they cant cope)..

I just wanted to chat really, I have been awake most of the night again.....
I have no idea about the MDt, I am supposed to be allocated a social worker but I haven't yet....
my heart breaks for my mum but also my sister as she feels so guilty that mum cant go back to hers,,title=Frown
the ward has said that she will have to go into residential and all this will be talked about at the meeting..

any hints or tips as how I can persuade mum this is the best thing for her? she also told me that they arn't having her money! she says she has worked hard for it! she is also receiving an army widows pension...
( she has some money her brother left her when he died, she has not spent a penny of it! bless her she felt guilty as she hadn't seen her brother for years..but now obviously she will be penalised for having savings wont she? such a shame...)

Best answers:

  • I can't offer any help or advice, but do offer my best wishes.
    Have you considered employing a full time carer? This may work out better and cheaper than a care home.
  • We've been in exactly the same position as you when my Dad (92 years young) was admitted to hospital and basically could no longer look after himself.
    We received fantastic help and advice from a wonderful social worker (and others later) and persuaded him to temporarily move into respite care at a care home. At first he wasn't happy with this but gradually over the period of a few weeks he came round to accepting that this was the best way forward for EVERYONE.
    You have to be strong and follow what your head tells you not your heart - not an easy matter.
    Dad has now moved into a permanent care home and though he misses his own home is content with his "new " surroundings.
  • Being an ONLY child of an elderly person and living 4 hours drive away is extremely difficult at times. However my wife has been extremely supportive - I hope you have a similar person that you can discuss your options with.
    On a practical side; the social worker(s) are there to help you but don't be pressured into accepting any care home without first checking it out yourself. Also on a monetary point of view, if you haven't already done so then you should consider getting Power of Attorney. It might not be necessary today but most likely in the future.
    You will have difficult decisions to make but if your conscience tells you that you made them for the right reason then any criticism you get (and you will get some) you should ignore.
    If you have further questions then you can always PM me
  • I would go with the 'temporary move into residential care to give you a chance to rehabilitate properly and sister a chance to recover' line.
  • Great news - it always helps when you have good support available.
    When my dad moved into the temporary care home he was entitled to 12 weeks FREE accommodation which in fact became 16 weeks with no charge. I guess this depends upon the local authority guidelines
  • Actually, the other thing to ask about is rehabilitation, proper rehab not just a few weeks of not going home, which would give Mum a chance to recover as much mobility as possible, and also work on regaining skills like making a cup of tea. It might help on several levels, including getting Mum as fit as possible and maybe less prone to falls, AND either helping her realise that she CAN'T cope at home, OR demonstrating to everyone that she could, perhaps, do so.
    But also be aware that all of you may need to be quite firm about it not being possible to go home, for your sister's sake as much as for her own.
  • thanks for your answers,
    its a flippin minefield out there, I have been looking around a few ( on the list) care homes...
    I have found one that we like and have put mums name down, she is still in the 'I'm no bother/I don't need help' phrase of mind!
    anyway, we are waiting for a financial assessment form ( that should be fun, not!)
    I will keep you posted