Mates stag do

A question about : Mates stag do

I was invited on a mates stag do initially in February this year. I have known this guy for about 30 years, since we were tiny, but over the past few years our relationship has got pretty distant, not through my want of trying, i just always seem to get blown out, or never called/text these days by this mate. I do know he finds time for other people though, mainly those in the friends circle through his soon to be wife.

I kind of feel obliged to go due to our history, but kind of feel that as hes made no effort lately (I've not physically seen him since January, and that was for his sons christening) I am just invited as a number/for historic reasons, and hence am not really keen on the thought of going, but at the same time feel I might be being a little petty. Im not put out that he never makes an effort as such, as I realise people drift apart, but for the same reasons feel a bit uncomfortable about going

Anyone been in the same boat?

Best answers:

• If it's a night out somewhere, I'd go - i.e. not expensive.
  This could be a good opportunity to meet his new friends, you may get to like some of them and it might be good for your friendship with him.
  If it was a weekend in Prague staying in a 5* hotel, etc, I'd probably give it a miss.
• It's not exactly the same but a few years ago i got invited to a family wedding in the sun which cost me just under Ј1000. I didn't see a lot of them and we weren't particularly close so kept saying i didn't want to go. 'Cos we're not a big family the bride kept saying she wanted me there and in the end i gave in to her pressure. I think it was more a case of showing off to say see how important i am, how much better than everyone else. And it was very nice, but probably cost the same as a small house.
  A few years down the line we hardly see each other, just send cards etc. I'm sorry i never stood my ground.
• I would just skip it, times & relationships move on
• As you are questioning it when at others times have gone no question, I would save your money and not go. It's not like you see him all the time and if he gives you grief about not going just be honest and tell him it is because you don't we see him anymore.
• Yep, I have also had 'friends' like this who really never bother with me unless they have something to brag about - whether it's a car/new boyfriend/new flat/wedding/new baby/blah blah bloomin' blah.
  These are 'friends' who I have gently eased out of my life, to make way for newer, more reliable friends who care enough about me to contact me more than once every 1.5 to 2 years to brag about something, or ask me to some event so that they can show off.
  I am too long in the tooth now, to be arsed with these fair-weather friends who give nothing but a pathetic and tedious boast-filled round-robin every Christmas, until they're ready to invite you to something that they have spent multiple 1000s on, to show you how amazing they are. You know, the kind of tw*t who goes on Friends Reunited, to tell everyone what an outstanding life they have, with their 6 figure salary, kids in top universities, 3 high performance cars and supermodel wife.
  I have a suspicion that this man may be this type of person. I would politely decline. Don't even give a reason. If he does ask; tell him what someone said earlier in the thread: that you don't really see each other anymore, and it would just be a bit awkward. If he's offended, does it matter, if you never see him anyway?
• I would decline, and be honest and just say you can't afford it right now.
  But for old time sakes, offer to take him out for a drink/curry instead. Suggest some dates, and then leave it up to him to accept your offer or not. If not, then too bad for him!
• I would'nt bother going if it was me. I think that somebody who has'nt made the effort to see you since January should just be forgotten. You said that you've tried and they have'nt really, you can only do that so many times.
  When I left college in 2001 I stayed in touch with about five lads but gradually over the years that has became two and I have'nt seen one of those for over six years but we email now and again. People change and sometimes the one thing you had in common is removed so you no longer have that common ground.
  Move on dude, you've tried and it needs to work both ways
• If hes thought of you on the guest list that means your on his mind even if not on his schedule
• I would definately go - if you dont that will surely be the end of any kind of friendship you have with him. I would not want to throw away 30 years of friendship just because you are feeling a bit put-out.
  It is not easy to find people who you know so well and know so much about (even if not the recent things).
  It sounds like you miss his friendship and he probably feels the same way - you mention he mainly seems involved with his wifes circle of friends, which suggests he is probably a but 'under the thumb'.
  I would go - and hope that it renews your friendship and emans you will see each other more often - there is nothing like a good pi$$ up to remind each other why you are friends!!
• I have been depressed in the past and found it hard to be in touch with people. there are lots of possible reasons and I would go if I were you.
• I personally would go.
• See if your wife can book the weekend off, if she can, go!
• In the past, i've gone for part of a stag do, not all of it (due to family commitments).
  E.g. if it's 2 night; just go for the first night. If it's local to you, maybe just go for the evening and then travel home.
  Personally - i'd go
• I wouldnt go personally, its 200 quid to fork out for someone who never bothers to contact you. I was invited to a stag do a few years ago by a very old friend, but one whom I rarely saw any more. I made the choice not to go, as similarly it was a weekender and Iwas looking at forking out about 400 quid for the posh hotel etc. Tbh I dont think I was missed, he had his close circle of relevant friends and was happy doing what he was doing without missing me! That said, I still appreciated the invite
• If you are questioning it now mate, do you really wanna go ????...been in the same situ. Just ask yourself - Is this guy a mate who you want to keep a friendship with or not?
  If you don't go ..friendship will go completely
  If you do go ..friendship may still go when he gets married and gets different friends, but u may stay friends...
  Go with what you feel deep down....you will know
• I presume the stag do has happened now, as the post was from November last year, did you go OP?
• Glad you didn't go and regret going.