Help needed

A question about : Help needed

I have 3 children with my ex wife. they all live in Bristol and i live in Aberdare.

The ages of my children are 11,9 and 6.

My problem is, they have all expressed the desire to move in with me. I am clueless as to the law and what can be done about this.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks

Rob

Best answers:

• I take it your ex knows nothing about this. In simple terms, you'd have to apply for a residency order. Appointing a solicitor au fait with family law would probably be wise.
  Courts can, and do, take into account children's wishes but it's rarely as straightforward as 'I want to live with my dad' 'OK then'. If your ex wants to continue having her children live with her, then you'd have to demonstrate that this wasn't in the children's interests. Is that the case?
• Hi,
  Your first port of call is to contact a solictor specialising in family law, to discuss your particular situation and the possible ways forward, good luck
• As mentioned above you would need to get a solicitor and it would probably need to go to court. I'm assuming that your ex isn't just going to agree and wants the children to stay with her? Is there any particular reason why the children would be better off with you - while a court will take their wishes into account it won't automatically mean they will be agreed with. The children will be settled, in routines, in schools etc where they are - do you think it's in their best interests to uproot them?
  Do they genuinely not want to live with their mother - or was it said either when they might have been having an argument, or because they see staying with you as 'more fun'. I've seen it happen a few times where the NRP sees the kids at weekend, they take them out, buy them things, do fun activities - and the kids see being there as much more fun then their home routine of school, homework, being told to go to bed on time etc. I'm not saying this is necessarily you, OP, but there will be a lot more things considered then the children simply expressing a wish to live with you.
• Have you thought about having shared care? obviously they have to be in Bristol for school during the week but they could be with you week-end and school holidays. OK, it's not 50/50 care but you'd be getting about a third.
  Who was the childrens primary carer when you were married?
  Have you asked your ex-wife whether they can live with you? She might say yes.
• basically, she is a horrible mother, the children have told me that they have been dragged through the house by their hair, just because they didnt want to get in the shower.
  My youngest had carpet burns from it. The way she talks to them is disgusting also.
• If you know something is wrong and don't do anything the first question SS/CAFCASS will ask is "why". If there is abuse going on then go and see a solicitor to check exactly where you stand and then take appropriate action.
• If you think your wife is physically harming your children then why on earth are they still living with her. I presume you saw the carpet burns on your youngest - if that was me then they wouldn't have gone back!! Does she have court-appointed residency? As if not than I'm fairly sure you can simply take them and no laws are broken, and then it would need to go to court if she wanted them back. As mentioned many time already though you should be seeing a solicitor as soon as possible - and probably reporting it to social services as well.
• I can't post links as a newbie but if you Google "legal rights for fathers in the uk" there is a site called dad . info which has a lot of advice about the new laws surround paternal rights. Fathers are now supposed to have the same rights. Looking at the gov.uk pages should also be useful to you.
• I did see the burns, but didn't photograph them. I am not sure why i didn't.
  she is the primary carer as i didn't think i'd ever get custody of them as courts ALWAYS favour the mother!
  My main worry is that if social services get involved then they might get taken away and i might never see them again!
• Did this happen once or it is a regular problem?
  If you ignore obvious signs of abuse, you will lose the children.
  If this or anything similiar happens, you need to take the child straight to the doctors or A&E and get the injury recorded. Then retain them instead of returning them
  Your eldest is of an age when the courts will take some note of their views. However, what will happen is that CAFCASS will interview all three children and make a decison as to where they should live. If you encourage the children not to tell social services, explicitly or by your actions you will be considered unsuitable. You also risk a situation where the children decline to tell CAFCASS about the problems because they have learned from you to keep quiet.
  The youngest children ever to have their views taken into account by a court were about the age of your youngest; the courts refused to return them to another country and an abusive father because they made their terror explicit.
  In the mean-time encourage them to report to school if any more incidents happen.
• How often do you see them now?
  Do you want them to live with you, only you state 'my problem is, they have all expressed the desire to live with me'
• I see them every other week, but that changes if the ex feels that the kids have something else to do.
  I would love them to live with me, thy are my world
• Just wanted to wish you good luck with this....
  My story is elsewhere on this site but I can add a few thoughts to it. Firstly, the courts will be guided by what SS and CAFCASS say so get them onside if you can, don't slag off the mother to the children, always put the children's interests first and create a good environment for them.
  Secondly as others have said, try to get into see a solicitor as soon as possible. If you can't afford one, get a Mackenzie Friend or apply for legal aid and get a brief that way. You cannot do this on your own, the stress will do your head in.
  Thirdly, and probably as important as the first two things, write everything down. Incidents, problems, issues, failed contact times, the times the mother has changed contact at the last minute etc. Don't rely on your memory please.
  Fourthly, have the belief in yourself that you are a good father and that you can look after them. Believing you can do it is half the battle...
  Is there any chance of you moving to Bristol so that the children don't have to uproot their schools? It's quite nice here (I'm in Bristol) and the least amount of upheaval in their lives will count in your favour.
  Just finally, I'll leave with you this, my story. I split from my ex seven years ago and went for custody of my twins, aged five at the time. I lost the case because things weren't that bad that the courts were prepared to switch residency of them. I became the best dad I could ever be, had them every weekend without fail for more than six years, watched my ex go through half a dozen partners, slide downhill into a world of drink and (I believe) drugs and things finally came to a head in 2011 when three incidents in quick succession alerted SS.
  The boys went on a Child Protection Plan (where SS, the schools, the health and social workers and various other bodies look after the interest of the children much more closely). Their mother kept drinking and after failing once more last New Year, the children moved in with me for the first time.
  Now, almost a year to the day since they moved in, I have two happy, safe, warm, well-fed, loving little boys. My house is 100 yards from their school (a big plus in all of this), I haven't got residency officially as the courts said the kids would be no better off if it was formalised and the mum would have to go to court to get them back anyway) and they love it with me.
  Be good, play things by the book and good luck.
  Oh and Happy New Year.