The guilt of making your kids revise

A question about : The guilt of making your kids revise

DD has GCSEs in May. She would like to do medicine or something related to this.

Shes a hard worker, but also a teenage girl and I am, as she is, very much aware of how hard it is going to be. She has top predicted grades provided she works continually to the best of her ability. Basically its there if she wants it, and is up to her.

Most of her friends haven't started revising yet at school, some of them are off skiing for half term, some of them are working (she's not 16 yet). Some of them I know will be lazing around all week while their parents are at work.

I am due to sit down with her to organise a timetable, for revision.

Don't get me wrong, she has the life of riley. She has local clubs, she has lots of friends, and has a relatively easy life.

Why do I feel guilty then? She's walking round looking miserable and I feel like the witch from hell.

Best answers:

• Because she's changing from a child to an adult and these exams mark the start of that change. Talk to her, what are her thoughts on her exams and revising for them?
• I'm with you all the way jag! But I'm not big on guilt
  Just done a revision plan for my dd who is a year lower than yours. She has exams next term.
  I kick butt all the time but I'm very fair.
  Blackmail helps
  Works wonders!
• She sounds such a great kid jag! What have you got to feel guilty about?
  Are you sure your not mixing up guilt with worry?
  You should be so proud of yourself
• These are hard times and kids vary. Mine fell at all ends of the revision spectrum; one did barely anything but was fortunate to be naturally clever, one did very intense revision because they knew they needed to work hard to achieve, another is driven and revises to excess, but will not accept less than A* in any subject.
  We have taken roughly the same tack with the all, which is to encourage and support and extol the benefits of hard work and achievement and short term pain for long term gain,. their long term gain.
  What we never did at any exam level was to promise stuff for good results, it may work for some but we took the view that they were doing it for themselves not for us. Of course, we celebrated good results, but not by bunging them a Ј100 per A* or whatever, which is what some of their friends parents did.
  It worked for us, but it can be a stressful period and not just for the kids!!
• No, don't feel guilty - if she doesn't end up doing medicine, she will still know that she did the very best that she could.
  I have loads of friends who wish they had tried harder at school - some had very good reasons for being unable to revise or work hard, some didn't.
  I did my very best, and a working lifetime later, have no "what if" regrets. It is something precious you can offer your daughter.
  Having said that, help her with a good timetable that gives her space to do fun things and space to relax - because what adults see as fun socialising can actually be stressful for teenagers.
  When our kids were at that stage, we had strong feelings against "payment by results" that some parents bribed their kids with - I do not criticise parents doing the best that they can, but our family's philosophy was to work & study hard because you were lucky to have the chance to do something great with your life. Your result was assumed to be the best that you could do, whatever it was.
  However, we did have a big "end of exams treat" as a reward for hard work.
  I wish you all luck. PS: there are some posts on here that I want to "thank" but the button's not showing.
• Her bf walked in with the most adorable valentines bag filled with gorgeous card, teddy, DVDs, chocs, a frame for photos. Bless his heart. He's a lovely lad.
  She has done him a personalised photo album, bought him chocs, huge card, smellys,
  The works.
  I am dropping them off for their valentines dinner at 6pm at a really nice restaurant.
  So cute
  Shame we have to leave the area next year
  Still no guilt though!
• You are aware it's her taking the exams, not you? Would have driven me mad if my parents got involved.
• I do not feel guilty for my children revising as i value their education and the opportunities it may bring them. I explain the same to them, without an education they will be unlikely to acheive what they want and their exams are the demonstration of this.
  I also do not reward results, but do reward effort. Therefore it happens after the last exam, not after the results day.
• As your daughter has recognised this is the start of numerous years potentially, of her having to take exams, supporting her to find a way of revising that works will help her in the future, for example when she is at Uni or college and she has to get her head together without having you helping her so closely.
  I was terrible at revision and could have done better in my A levels. Fast forward 16 years and I went to Uni as a mature student. I found I had to break everything down in to small chunks to do my dissertation (this was on top of doing the work placement at the same time).
  I set myself daily word limits - ie broke up total word count and worked backwards. Most of the time I only had to do 300 words a day to keep on track and would end up doing more so I was actually ahead of myself in the end. I also planned weekends when I knew I was busy or evenings I had an event and worked this in to a big planner. Was the only way I could see myself getting to the end goal without having a hernia!
• No need to feel guilty.
  Sounds like both you and your DD have a great attitude.
  She has asked you to support her and you are doing just that.
  Perhaps you could try building in some small treats after a spell of revision, ranging from a break for a banana, to choosing the evening meal, to an evening out with whoever she chooses. Or whatever works for her. More reward than bribery.