ferility treatment: cancel wedding?

A question about : ferility treatment: cancel wedding?

sorry about the horrible spelling in the title. I'll blame that glass of wine at lunch!

This is sort of moneysaving as I NEED to make a decision before I lose £1000 in deposit BUT if it needs to be moved feel free...

I've got a provisional booking for a wedding venue next august and was going to pay my £1000 deposit tomorrow. BUT I've had a bit of a surprise. I'm seeing a consultant re fertility issues and having a large ovarian cyst I was on a long waiting list to have that sorted therefore I wasn't too worried about dates clashing with the wedding etc. I went yesterday for a check-up and the cyst is gone so the consultant is putting me straight onto Clomid for three months. IF it's successful (big if), my due date will be July, August or september next year. So now I have a BIG choice

1. cancel wedding: ensures I don't lose any money but what if the treatment is not succesful? Lots of people know the date and it's going to look a bit odd to have cancelled it for no reason. I'm worried this would put too much pressure on me for the treatment to work when I should be relaxing and feeling positive. any excuses anyone could think of gratefully received.

2. go ahead and pay deposit and be prepared to lose it if the treatment is successful. £1000 down the drain but no need for the whole world to know about my fertility issues

3. postpone the treatment: at 37 this is simply not an option as far as I am concerned.

4. bringing the date forward: I spent ages finding somewhere I liked that was in budget and this was the only saturday they have next year that I can do. midweek/sunday is not an option due to work commitments

can anyone think of any other options that I am missing? I'm really confused and would prefer not to lose the £1000.

Best answers:

• Can't you do both? Or who you prefer not to get married while your pregnant? If you did you'd be married before the baby came along and you wouldn't have to put off having the baby.
• Hi HH,
  That's very good news about the cyst & congratulations on the up-coming wedding.
  Regarding your options, I don't think #1, #2 and #3 are really options...as you say yourself you're not going to consider postponing the treatment (#3) and you don't want to lose Ј1,000 (#2). Also, I presume you'll get married sooner or later regardless of the success of the treatment so you won't be cancelling (#1).
  So that leaves #4, but I think you should think about this in terms of changing the date of the wedding insofar as you can either bring it forward or postpone it.
  I understand it's difficult to find a venue that you like, within budget and which is available when you want it to be, but you have new information now and your original decisions sort of become void. Perhaps you should think about when would a good time to get married & then look for venues, rather than trying to fit things which are beyond anyone's control into a schedule dictated by the wedding venue.
  Either way, don't part with a thousand quid tomorrow...not unless you like a gamble!
  Leanne
• HH you have to sit and think about whats more important, having a baby or getting married ?
  If you are adamant that you wont be able to do both in the same year then one has to give, have you discussed this with your partner and what does he think ?
• if you pay the deposit, but have to change the date surely the venue will honour the deposit and simply move the wedding to another date? lot of couples must get pregnant or have circumstances that affect their big days, and with booking so far in advance how ru supposed to know
  im speaking from experience, having planned 3 weddings now (to same person LOL) and the hotel simply moved the date for me but kept the deposit.
  ask the venue what would happen if you were to have to change the date, just tell them its for piece of mind b4 you hand over a grand.
  i get wed two weeks tomoro!! thrid time lucky.......this ones gonna happen!!!
• yes, the hotel had to book in another wedding they said to "cover" me getting my deposit back, but my wedding was booked for next june and i brought it forward, rang them n they said they can easily rebook another wedding for june, they have already taken my dep off wedding cost b4 they rebooked a wedding as they know they will.
  august is a very popular month im sure you could do the same. or why not do what we did................
  long story.short.
  got preg this year, lost my baby. wanted to try again. wedding already booked for next june. same predicament as you. so borught wedding forward. get married in 2 weeks. then can try for baby again with no stress of pending wedding, we will already be happily married.
  could that be an option?
  ive planned my wedding in 7 weeks. tbh booked it and had it sealed up within 2 weeks!
• oops again, re read original thread, re;option 4. my hotel had no dates available either but i kept trying them and they got a cancellation, so we snapped it up. you could mention to them that you might bring it forward and could they let you know of any cancellations. mine never did, so i just rang them and kept asking. in two weeks they had two cancellations. both were rebooked within two days of bn cancelled, so maybe it is an option for you, i dont know? i too had fallen in love with my venue and wouldnt budge on location. also as a MSE, cos i brought it forward they have given me some sneaky little discounts too !!!
• Firstly I agree that you shouldn't put the treatment off, you can have a wedding anytime. However you need to be in the right frame of mind - i.e. not stressed about anything. This wedding issue is definitely going to do that! (Also don't get stressed about being 37, I had mine at 36 and 40 and know lots of people in the same position).
  Are you planning a big white wedding? If so perhaps you might need to wait for this. Have you thought about getting married quietly and then having a big celebratory party when you're in the best position to? Could even combine it with a christening party if things go to plan!
  Anyway I wish you all the best whatever your decision.
• go for the treatment- you can get married anytime!
  You could book the registrar's or church without too much of a deposit, and maybe have to choose a different venue.
  At the end of the day if you had a baby in tow come the big day you could just have a few people to the wedding, then hire a marquee for the garden if nowhere else was available!
  Good luck with the treatment, I do hope you have soem happy news soon!
  I wouldn't cancel the wedding if it's already booked, since , to be brutally honest,(sorree) I know the stats are not 100% positive and it may be later than next summer that you end up pg.
• quick update: we've decided to move the wedding forward to March 17th. Venue has availabilty and this way, whether the treatment is successful or not, the wedding is "out of the way" so to speak and one less thing to worry about. so now we need to get planning FAST...
  thanks to all the helpful posts, really helped me to get my thoughts together.
• Hello! Glad you managed to move the date, have a lovely wedding and I wish you the very best with your fertility treatment. Good luck xx
• Good luck with everything!!
• I would continue as per normal. I don't want to put a dampener on things but it may take a while to get pregnant and if you do, at that point I'm sure losing a grand will be the last thing on your happy mind. Good luck
• I would go ahead with the wedding - you can always alter the date without loss of deposit i'm sure. May take a while to conceive...