A question about : Does this sound right? Is there a cause for complaint?
I found out last Monday that my 82 year old father has advanced CA Prostate with bone metastases. He lives with his partner, about 75 miles from me. I knew he was not well, but he is a very private and domineering person, and does not talk about anything, even to his partner. She learned of the full situation last Monday too, when she called the doctor out. She had been on holiday and found out that he had spent the week she was away in bed and not eating.
I had last seen my father three weeks before, when he had stayed with me following a cataract operation. He had had the first eye operated one two weeks prior to that and had reacted badly to the twilight sedation. He seemed frail at that time, but stated that his poor appetite and fatigue was due to the sedation. He was however, mobile and lucid.
My concern is that he had these surgeries privately. It transpires that he had the scan in February which confirmed the metastases, and his license was revoked by the DVLA in April due to the cataracts. He could have had both eyes completed within a four month period on the NHS, but he wanted to go private and get it done quickly as he wanted to drive to watch cricket locally in the summer. Now, he will never be fit enough to drive again as he has lost use of his legs and is currently in hospital with a prognosis of a matter of weeks. He has however been determined as having no medical need and there is talk of discharging him home with a package of care. He will have to pay for this as he has savings over the threshold, which is fine, but I am thinking he has just spent over Ј6000 to no avail, which would have been better served on his care.
Surely, the GP should have forewarned him this might happen, or should the private clinic have refused to even take him? He was taking MST at the time, so there could have been no doubt.
I appreciate that ultimately it was his choice, but I do wonder if he was advised at all. Obviously, I cant ask that question of the doctor as they will just cover their tracks or quote data protection at me.
I am just left feeling he has been cheated somehow, but is that wrong of me?
Best answers:
- I don't feel that now is the time to worry about how your father has chosen to spend his money or to encourage him to get into a dispute with his medical team.
- Thank you for your replies.
Whodathunkit-I am worried about how he is going to pay for future care, as they are talking about transferring him to a nursing home, and Ј6000 wont last long there. I am not thinking that he should get into any kind of dispute right now, as there are other things to focus on.
Fedupandstressed- I do not doubt his mental capacity at the time the referral was made, but I do wonder if the prognosis of his medical condition was adequately explained in terms of what long term benefit he would receive from having the two cataract operations and the stress these proceedures would put upon him. It cannot be right that someone says, "refer me for this or that" and the GP just does that without some form of discussion; or even that the private clinic just goes ahead and does a proceedure on someone who is otherwise physically unwell? - 3
Quote: - He has advanced prostate cancer with bone metastases...
Hasn't anyone explained to you the implications of this?
Don't spend time and energy worrying about 'how long his money is going to last'. With that diagnosis, it is likely to outlast him. If he wants to watch the cricket this summer, even if he can't drive to get there, it would be a kindness - and maybe the best thing you can do - to move heaven and earth to make sure he sees it.
PS: Just re-read. He has been given a prognosis of 'a matter of weeks'. I'm not sure how that ties in with having 'no medical need', but you have priorities right now and they don't include worrying about what decisions he made in the past. - Understanding the implications and dealing with them are two different things. My mind is buzzing,I'm afraid and trying to support my step mum too.
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