A question about : Do you get lonely? Why? How do you handle it?
Hey all!
Every now and then I find something triggers me to think back to my past - when i thought life was ok (despite it being very hard) and i still had some family. Life was tough (infact looking back, terrible), i had a parent who was always trying to stop me doing anything and placing so many restrictions on me it was like having an anchor tied to my feet but in some ways i was happy although I've always had a feeling of isolation and loneliness deep down.
Well just recently i bought myself a new computer with a small windfall I had. It's a great machine, super powerful and i thought i'd try out google earth to see the improvement over my old machine. I'm glad to report google earth works flawlessly 
Anyway I was looking at my old town and stumbled over my old college. Now I knew they were moving to a new site but always thought the old site would remain open - like some NHS trusts have different sites, I thought the college would keep the old site too. Anyway when i went into streetview it was all boarded up 
. A quick google revealed it had officially been closed a few years ago, there have been a couple of fires, fights over land developers etc etc. Anyway then I turned to google images and sure enough, the urban explorers have been in taking photos of loads of parts of the building including many of the rooms i had lectures in etc.
This stirred me up again and I suddenly found myself feeling an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I didn't get on with all my course mates but we were mostly diplomatic and i did have a few friends there even if it was only 3-4 lol. Anyway, seeing all those old lecture rooms, facilities, the canteen etc.. all empty, once full of people.. well it just echoed my life really: empty and lonely! Now I find myself wishing i could turn back the clock and go back there. Whats worse is that some of the photos show old equipment that has been left there - with auction numbers still on them where they didn't sell (stuff that people clearly didn't value but was actually very specialised and valuable equipment that i'd been very grateful to buy had i known). Seeing the place like that made me realise that many of my younger memories were made there - when i still had vague hope of a better future. They weren't very good memories and many were miserable but they were made there at that college and it was a part of my life. Now it's going to get (if not already) the bulldozer treatment To make it worse, i find myself keep thinking of the few family members I had when i was studying there that i've since lost too and i find myself longing for the old days again.
So me being me - a career loner - and not really having anyone to call a proper friend (yet alone a group of them) I find myself hitting the forums for company. The weird thing is that I miss having people around me and yet most of my life i've been bullied and many of my jobs were made hell by it. Anyhow i still find myself (like many loners) feeling isolated, lonely and missing human contact. It's odd because I've become such a recluse due to workplace bullying and other health issues that i actually dread going out or going to public places and really struggle to do it and yet i miss human interaction.
I have absolutely no idea where the last 10 years have really gone. It's all a bit of a blur - horrible bosses, workplace bullying, a series of health problems, emergency surgery, loss of close relatives etc.. I don't really recall a lot of happiness and i suddenly find myself thinking that 10 years have gone by and what have i done with it or got to show for it? 
The world has moved on, things I once knew and felt familiar with have gone, my life has stood still and it feels so empty. I literally live on the internet just to get me through each day
Am I the only one?
Best answers:
- Gosh. Really don't know what to say to this post except big hugs!
I actually like being alone but then if I don't want to be, I have my best friend so I always know I don't have to be alone. If that makes sense.
As a rule I try nit to dwell on the past. I can't change it so it's pointless and I know would upset me if I let it.
I probably spend more time chatting to complete strangers of forums than I do talking to actual people. Perhaps that's because I can just turn off my computer when I want to. - You've identified yourself as a loner, but you aren't, otherwise you wouldn't feel isolated and alone. Loners are happy on their own.
I always think of the George Elott quote - 'It's enver too late to be who you might have been'. You always have choices in life, very difficult ones sometimes, but you don't have to be as you are if you aren't ahppy with that.
It isn't easy learning to be more sociable or easy to get on with, but there are steps you can take, read some books on how to make friends for tips. People in my life think that I am sociable and gregarious, but in truth it was a learned skill, when at the age of 30 I realised I had 2 friends that lived about an hour away and I didn't really like it, so I had to change. Didn't happen overnight, but I got there. If you have had bad experiences going out with people then naturally you are going to feel bad again at the thought of venturing out.
I'm not a huge fan of counselling myself, but I think you need to explore what it is that makes you a target for bullies, unless you actually already know and explore why you are feeling so very hopeless at the moment.
I wish I could come over and give you a big hug right now Tricky.
bugslet x - Oh sorry, I didn't answer your question. Yes sometimes but fortunately rarely. I work about 55 - 60 hours a week ( though I can skive on here a lot) and see friends about 2-3 times a week. Sometimes though I can go a whole weekend without any contact bar a shop cashier or popping over to say the couple across the road ( she has dementia and her OH doesn't get to see many people, so it gives him a bit of a break and me).
I have no family either, but that doesn't worry me, I'd rather have friends that I have chosen. - I'm on my own and have been for 5 years now. I am alone but never lonely. I like being on my own. But maybe I'm antisocial
- since i split up with my ex 4 years ago i have been alone , i lost touch with lots of friends i had as i deleted facebook anbd dont keep in touch with anyone i went school with , i dont socialise with anyone from work and my only contact with people is the people i serve in my job
i'm probably 50% happy 50% sad - I've always got my blowup doll for company.
- I rarely see anyone other than family. At the moment that's all I can cope with. Maybe one day i'll have time for other people but at the moment ive only got time for the people who I love.
Maybe one day it will be different.
The internet and forums, yes I use them but can turn it off by pressing a button. - Sometimes I have the urge to talk to my brothers. This is always a bad idea because it generally involves drink, 3 hours of talking complete rubbish and lots of plans made that we forget about in the morning!
I wonder why some folk prefer to be alone and others don't. I am not unsociable - when the need arises I am the life and soul of the party - but I very much look forward to weekends where I know I can be totally on my own. It's probably a bit selfish really - I am just thinking of myself and what I want - I just don't want to give my time to other people. - If you keep looking in the rear-view mirror you'll hit a brick wall.
My old school got flattened and they built a new one.
My old college got gutted, re-architectured and the building is now a museum.
I have been a loner all my life really but I'm used to it not a problem really.
Getting involved with other people can be stressful, or a nuisance rather than cheer you up.
You can find yourself doing what they want all the time to your own detriment.
Forget fb.
I've got my business to run, me gerbils (which havent given me bubonic plague yet!) and me two homes and me cycling so whats not to like? - I feel it. I am really shy and generally don't have the skills to get to know new people, my family are miles away, generally it doesn't bother me too much but occasionally I would love to have someone to just call up and at fancy a coffee?
But, reading your post makes me a little sad and I wonder if you might benefit from some counselling to help you look forwards? maybe some CBT ? I am a huge fan of mindfulness (which is NOT cross legged, omming kind of mediation!) but it's a brilliant way of learning to live in the present. Try Headspace if you fancy a go.
With my professional hat on, if you ever have any suicidal thoughts do talk to someone. I know that sounds abrupt but sometimes it's important to raise the issue just in case. - Tricky, I thought you had a girlfriend/wife from reading some of your other posts.
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