Debt has ended my relationship :(

A question about : Debt has ended my relationship :(

Well, my debt reached the out of control stage this payday. Wednesday 30th was my payday and every single penny has now gone in repayments and charges. Had I been thinking I would have said No more! and allowed some/all of it to default. Sadly I was still thinking I could bail out the sinking ship that is my finances/life.

Anyway, Thursday night I told my OH that I did not have the money to contribute to any of the bills etc this month and explained that I had basically used debt to pay these since we moved in together and that the juggling act has had to stop.

Im not entirely sure how much I owe. However, my OH has slept in the livingroom and not spoke a word since Thursday.

Best answers:

• So what do you want to do?
• Now trying to plan what to do next...These will all have serious implications for OH as I dont think that he could pay all the bills himself and I would not be able to give him any money until my next pay day on August 27th (if I am able to get my salary away from my RBS account to somewhere safe in time)
  option 1- Move back in with my parents. Ask parents for help financially for this month to give OH enough to pay bills.
  option 2- Tough it out here. Again asking parents for some help to pay the bills this month.
• Have you contacted one of the debt charities, like Stepchange.
  Try not to despair, there is a solution to your debt, but it won't be quick or easy.
  Your OH might be in a better frame of mind if you have a solution rather than just a problem.
  You can do some positive things, like get a list of creditors ready and a list of amounts owed.
  You need to sort out a safe basic bank account somewhere if you are going to default and go into debt management.
  Do your parents know about the debts already?
• I understand that you're in a state of panic. But I don't think you've had your 'light bulb moment' even now. You say had you been thinking you would have defaulted. But no, had you been thinking you would have been straight with your partner. Had you been thinking you would know how much you owe and now be considering how to address your debts.
  If you want to do this, people on here will help you, but you seem to want to run back to your parents and hope the underlying problem will go away. It won't.
  Why don't you sit down and work out roughly the size of the debt(s), then at least we'll know where you stand.
• My parents dont know anything about my debt situation. They know I took student loan for my final year at uni (have since paid this back from salary) but nothing about cards, loans and accounts.
  I have a Clydesdale Bank account I have not used really in a couple of years. Still get statements etc although it is registered at my parents address. I was thinking of using that.
  I have not spoken to a debt organisation as of yet.
• The two options you've given yourself aren't necessarily yours alone to control -your partner may want a say in them. Moo hound has given very sound advice which you should act on sooner rather than later.
  Come back when you have made your list and maybe have phoned step change.
• This must have been a shock to realise! The first thing to do is write down everything you owe. Nobody can really advise you until you do this.
  If you can find the creditors name, type of debt (card, loan, HP), amount owed, what percent interest they are on and the exact situation for all of them (defaulted, paid up but can't any more etc) then people here or at a debt charity could give you some realistic options.
  A parachute account is always useful, just make sure you don't owe Clydesdale any money
  You also need to note if any of this is shared debt, ie have you dropped OH in it? coming up with a workable solution might soften OH's attitude or it might not, but firstly you need to see your exact situation with clarity.
  Good luck!
  edit:
  Quote:
• Don't despair - by posting on here you have taken a big step. The first on your way back.
• I will report back with a list of creditors as soon as possible. The ones I have online accounts for will be easiest to get most accurate info for and I will open what post I have.
• You need to figure out how much you owe to be able to move forward. Your OH may have a much higher figure in his mind and blowing it all out of proportion.
  Also, and I think it is important having been in this position to tell you - that debt can absolutely wreck a relationship. I left a guy I had been seeing for various reasons, but his debt being one of them. It was up at 40k through gambling and he only earned 20k a year.
  I simply wasn't prepared to go through the years of scrimping and saving and feeling guilty at spending money on anything. I also found myself resentful when HE spent money on anything 'luxury', as the 40k just hung around MY neck when it wasn't even my debt! I couldn't see myself being able to get a house, car, family, holidays with this person and I got totally scared off.
  Definitely add up how much you owe. These are the thoughts ^^ that may be going through your OH's mind, when in reality it might be a much lower figure and sorted more quickly.
• We reached this situation this month too where if I paid all the cards there'd be no money for food etc.
  luckily I knew it was coming so had my huge panic last month. I cancelled all my direct debits for August, applied for a flex account with nationwide, wrote down all our debts and filled in the debt remedy form on the stepchange website.
  We've now got a month of no payments before our DMP kicks in on 1st September.
  I've budgeted a weekly amount for August and will continue to do t each month.
  Its very early days for us but I feel in control for the first time in years.
  Good luck
• Credit Card- Ј3500 (Halifax) up to date
  Store Card- Ј302 (Arcadia) up to date
  Car Finance- Ј3720 (Alfera) up to date
  Overdraft- Ј499 (Smile Bank)
  PayDayLoan 1 Ј200 approx (will be charges as this amount will "roll over") tried to clear this month and it has killed me!
  PayDayLoan 2 Ј1000 approx (will not be paid at all this month, already rolled over)
  Next Ј290 up to date
  Mobile Phone- up to date but will not be paid this month
  OH for bills/rent Ј350- will not be paid this month
• Hi
  I'm new to all this so have no advice to give but just wanted to say I hope everything works out for you.
  I'm on the other side of this and while at first I was upset once we had options to consider I felt much better about my partners debt.
  It's not been easy and thoughts such as those of the poster above about bring unable to go on holidays, buy a house together etc did make me question if I should end the relationship but I love him so it wasn't really an option. So this may not be the end of your relationship