Daughter and money!

A question about : Daughter and money!

I`m always lurking on this board but never started a thread so here goes.

DD(20) lives in a shared house with friends. Whenever she is short of money , she calls us , asking if we can help out ,which we do-begrudgingly!
She called again yesterday ,saying she had to pay rent this sat.
She started a new job a couple of weeks ago(she signed on for a month) and does not get paid til 2 weeks after the rent is due.

I think what I`m asking is confirmation that refusing to give her money is the right thing to do as this will force her to sort out her own problems.I just have to resist the thought that she hasn`t eaten for days and is begging her friends for money!

Please tell me I`m doing the right thing and that she will have to learn the hard way!

Best answers:

• I would loan her the money until pay day - if she doesnt pay you back, then do not loan or give her any money again. It can be tight if she has had to lay out on things prior to being paid, as signing on for a month would not have been very easy - money wise
• Might be more constructive to get her to look at her budget, saying that you will help her get on track. Cutting her money supply off might be too sudden (has she got enough sense to avoid a pay day loan?) but she has to realise - and be convinced - that the bank of mum and dad has run out of patience.
• I agree that you should help out this time as it is difficult to budget when you have been on JSA and just started a new job with no pay for a while.
  Not sure of the amounts involved but some kind of repayment plan seems a must!
  Having said that it might be useful to email her with a link to this website so she can get a handle on working out her income and expenditure!
• Absolutely I think you should loan her the money.
• Just FYI, she cant be evicted willy-nilly for a few weeks late rent. (assuming she is a tenant, not a lodger) this two weeks ois nothing on the grand scale.
• I would give her the money to pay the rent then she can save from her first wage to pay the next rent but tell her that's the last time you bale her out. I don't believe in loaning anyone money, give it to them.
• I believe that she is entitled to a 4 week "run-on" in housing benefit if she has just started work? That would cover the next payment.
  Go over to the Benefits forum and check.
• Thank you all for your very fast replies!
  Over about 2 years we have lent her about 2k- and repayments have been sparodic to say the least.
  When she was at her previous job we worked out a budget that she could have stuck to,but then she left as she found it too stressful and started getting panic attacks.
  She also owes money on her credit card and to the bank. I`m not too worried about the rent as she can pay it in full-just a bit late. I`m sure she`s not the only one.
  She knows not to touch payday loans with a bargepole, fortunately!
  I know it will be very hard for her(and me!) to say no more , but its the best way. She will just have to suffer for a while until she learns not to rely on us. We haven`t been `helping` at all by giving in all the time. I have suggested to her that she finds an extra little cleaning job to do in the evenings for the extra cash-as I`ve had to do in the past.
  I`m staying with her this weekend and while I won`t give her money , I`ll make sure she`s got food in the cupboard! Thanks again for your helpful replies x
• I posted cos I was being a wimp! I know what I have to do and I guess I needed that little bit of reassurance to take that step. IT`s good to get other peoples` thoughts on a difficult situation.
  Thank you for your input.
• If you loaned her the money it would only add to the (not inconsiderable) amount she already owes you.
  Either pay her rent (just this once) or do as you're doing, and just make sure she has food in the cupboards.
• A time when there is a genuine reason why she wouldn't have the money seems a strange time to make the stand, especially if you hadn't previously told her you wouldn't give/lend her any more.
  I would give/lend it this time but make clear that there will be no more.
• I would loan her the money provided that she sits down with you and goes through all her finances, coming up with a plan that allows her to actually pay all debts and bills, and actually save some.
  I think you are being a little harsh saying no, given you have previously helped financially. Why not make it clear this is the last time, and it needs paying back on he pay day?
• Loan her the rent repayable over six months. If you skint her at payday she'll run out before the end of the month and then it will be a perpetual circle
• The envelope method can help if she isn't very good at budgeting - she labels envelopes with how much cash is needed each week/month (depending on how frequently she is paid). Then at payday, she withdraws the money, leaving enough to cover direct debits plus a bit more. Distribute the cash between envelopes to cover non-DD bills. The remaining amount gets put into another envelope (if weekly paid) or five envelopes (if monthly paid). This is how much she has for food, clothing, leisure and anything else she needs.
  My daughter struggles with budgeting when she first started work, but the envelope method worked well. She now manages her money without the envelopes, and between her and her fianc!, they have bought their first home with a decent deposit and money to update it.