bit upset by MIL's careless comment

A question about : bit upset by MIL's careless comment

Hubby is not well at the moment, he has a lung infection. MIL calls up and whilst chatting, asks so is (me) looking after you, or are you having to look after yourself?

I am a little upset at the implication that I wouldn't be looking after my sick husband. It feels like there was always a question about whether I was capable, or indeed wanted to, look after him.

Would you be a little disgruntled by that comment too?

Best answers:

• It depends on the context of your daily routine, I think! Could the question have been prompted from the uncertainty of you spending long hours at work, for instance?
• A real clanger! change the subject quick!
  Sometimes people say things that they later regret.
  As a wife, we have to put up with comments sometimes (me too!)
  I just get told to be quiet! Don't say anything.....
• I wouldn't have necessarily said she was old fashioned, but maybe she is more than I had considered. She's mid sixties, we're early forties, so it could be a generational thing. I just can't shake off the upset that she would think that I could be so callous as to leave hubby uncared for when ill. He's a great guy when well, and even though I'm at home 24/7, still does his share. When ill though, I've taken everything on and it hurts when she implied that i wasn't looking after him !
• To throw in a different perspective, perhaps his Mum feels a bit helpless in the situation and is wanting (or suggesting) to step in herself.
  That was the case with my MIL, when my husband had an op. He was incredibly 'demanding' (it was for Cancer though caught early on) on being discharged and one day when I'd spent the whole day running round after him, including running his bath and he was still irritable, I ended up snapping at him.
  The following day he rang his Mum and she came to 'nurse' him. It suited us fine, he got the attention he wanted, that I couldn't give whilst trying to juggle college and 2 young kids, his Mum felt she could do something and I was happy with the situation.
• Aw, don't take offence! Even my own Mum would say that to my husband!
  It's semi rhetorical, more just a way of saying "so how are you? Getting better,eh?"
• Mothers-in-law eh, can't live with 'em.........
  and that's why god invented shovels and patios.
  (This is what my husband says to my mum on a regular basis! )
  Just ignore her, your husband is her little soldier, always has been, always will be.
  When my brother was ill once, my mum actually offered to do his washing...he's been living with his GF for almost 20 years. I don't think she meant anything by it, it's just her natural reaction to hearing that her little boy (48 years old) is unwell.
  If you mostly get on well with her, you should honestly just ignore this, mothers never change their mindset about their sons. I'm sure that you're looking after your husband well enough!
• I think it's just a stock phrase that anybody would use. A half joke, a way to start a sentence. No more than that.
• I wouldn't think anything of it. Whenever my wife is poorly my mum asks me whether I'm looking after her, and when I'm poorly she asks whether my wife is looking after me. I think it's just a turn of phrase and don't really read anything much into it.
  She knows I wouldn't dare not look after my wife if she was ill, because my wife will get better, and horrible things will happen to my nipples. Horrible things...
• Just playing devils advocate here but did you actually hear her say it or is it your OH relaying what she said....
  (or maybe didn't)
• I can't see anything wrong with it.
  If mine had asked hubby that he'd probably reply he's looking after himself.
  I'm off sick this week too, we thought it was a chest infection but now having lungs investigated, so a similar situation. If anyone asked hubby if he was looking after me he'd too probably say no.
  I think it's just a way of saying is all ok.