Advice / Information Required Please

A question about : Advice / Information Required Please

Hello

I'm new to the Forum, and definitely new to the Armed Forces Board; but I wonder if you good people could shed some light on something for me please?

My daughter is dating a lad who's in the Army. They've been together about 7 months now. He's based at Pirbright? (sorry if spelling is wrong). I believe he's going to get his first posting to somewhere in the UK early next year.

They have ambitions to set up home together in quarters. They aren't married or engaged. What criteria do they need to meet for this to happen? Is there a significant waiting list etc? Is there a way that this process can be accelerated (i.e if she's pregnant etc)

Please understand I'm not advocating any of these proposals, I just need to gear myself up with reliable, solid information from people who know better than me (and my daughter) on this one

Thanks in advance

Best answers:

• https://www.gov.uk/defence-infrastru...-accommodation
  "To be entitled to apply for SFA, service personnel must:
  be aged 18 and over
  be married or in a civil partnership or who have permanent custody of children
  have at least 6 months to serve"
• Thats perfect. Thanks so much Andy. This is invaluable info to us
• It's not council housing. You don't jump the queue by getting pregnant. I'm shocked you'd even consider suggesting it. People who get married quick/pregnant quick. For a 1/4. After a short term relationship. Nearly always end up divorced.
  I know that's not "practical advice". It's realistic advice though. It's a challenging life, upping sticks and spending a lot of time apart from family/friends/spouse. So when it's rushed it nearly always a disaster.
  I've just seen loads of fresh marriages break down in much similar circumstances after a tour.
  The actual answer to your question. Is they're called married quarters. They have to be married. Pregnant or not.
• Sadly I have seen very young couples, recently married due to wishing to get a house at a new posting, often a posting abroad, and they look at the life through rose coloured glasses - knowing that the military will give them a house, and possibly fab posting to somewhere like Cyprus. Some couples cope and make a good go of it, please don't think I'm tarring everyone with the ame brush, but for others it's not the life they expect.
  Often hey get married and are posted abroad, or somewhere in the UK away from family and friends. Military camps can often be in the middle of nowhere so if you don't drive, or don't have 2 cars, you can be stuck on the camp for days on end. They realise the house is not what they thought it was going to be - maybe no central heating, they can be draughty and damp, there may be no shower - or one that doesn't work brilliantly, a garden that they have to keep tidy - they need to buy gardening equipment. A kitchen that might be very basic. They can decorate or put up shelves or pictures etc at their own expense, but they must be prepared to put the house back to how it was when they arrived - or face a hefty bill when they move out. If they have military furniture they have to take care not to damage it - no coffee cup marks, no marks on the carpet - or again they will end up with a bill when the move out.
  They move out of Mum and Dad's house and suddenly have to budget for themselves, cook and clean and do the laundry not just for themself but for someone else. It's not easy to get a job - a career is often hard to manage for a miltary wife - moving around every 2 years does nothing for your CV - also some employers take one look at your address and won't entertain giving you a job because they know you'll be gone in a year or two.
  Staying at home all day with nothing to do with no friends and family who really understand you and know you well can be hard. Some couples rush into having a baby - especially if they are abroad as they get an extra allowance for a child - and then it get's even harder - Mum isn't around to babysit, or to pop round if you are having a hard time, phone calls just don't cut it sometimes. I used to sit with my pram in cafes looking round at other people - obviously a Mum, a daughter and a new baby having lunch, and the daughter enjoying sharing her baby with her Mum - I'm sad that I didn't ever get that chance.
  Then to make things worse the military person is sent on detachment for 6 months - possibly somewhere dangerous - and the wife is left at home with a new baby on her own having to cope with the cooking, cleaning, and all the baby things with no family around to help, either to share the good things like the first tooth or first steps, or to help when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night with a temperature and you're on your own and don't know what to do. It really isn't easy. And often relationships quickly break down, due to the stress of it all.
  Lots of people live the live and enjoy it, but it isn't for everyone. You need to be strong, you need to be able to to adapt quickly to your new surroundings, you need to be able to make friends quickly, as your neighbours soon become your first port of call if you need anything. It can be a good life, but it's not as rosy as it appears from the outside to someone - I thought I'd gone into it with my eyes open, and I can honestly say it wasn't what I thought it was going to be - there have been good times, and I've met many good friends, who will be friends for life, but there have also been hard times and stressful times too.
• A couple of poems that sum things up nicely
  Lots of moving...
  Moving...
  Moving...
  Moving far from home...
  Moving two cars, three kids and one dog...all riding with HER of course.
  Moving sofas to basements because they won't go in THIS house;
  Moving curtains that won't fit;
  Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours.
  Moving away from friends;
  Moving toward new friends;
  Moving her most important luggage: her trunk full of memories.
  Often waiting...
  Waiting...
  Waiting...
  Waiting for housing.
  Waiting for orders.
  Waiting for deployments.
  Waiting for phone calls.
  Waiting for reunions.
  Waiting for the new curtains to arrive.
  Waiting for him to come home,
  For dinner...AGAIN!
  They call her 'Military Dependent', but she knows better:
  She is fiercely In-Dependent.
  She can balance a cheque book;
  Handle the yard work;
  Fix a noisy toilet;
  Bury the family pet...
  She is intimately familiar with drywall anchors and toggle bolts.
  She can file the taxes;
  Sell a house;
  Buy a car;
  Or set up a move...
  .....all with ONE Power of Attorney.
  She welcomes neighbors that don't welcome her.
  She reinvents her career with every PCS;
  Locates a house in the desert, The Arctic, Or the deep south.
  And learns to call them all 'home'.
  She MAKES them all home.
  Military Wives are somewhat hasty...
  They leap into:
  Decorating,
  Leadership,
  Volunteering,
  Career alternatives,
  Churches,
  And friendships.
  They don't have 15 years to get to know people.
  Their roots are short but flexible.
  They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come
  after them.
  Military Wives quickly learn to value each other:
  They connect over coffee,
  Rely on the spouse network,
  Accept offers of friendship and favors.
  Record addresses in pencil...
  Military Wives have a common bond:
  The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands; his commitment is
  unique.
  He doesn't have a 'JOB'
  He has a 'MISSION' that he can't just decide to quit...
  He's on-call for his country 24/7.
  But for her, he's the most unreliable guy in town!
  His language is foreign
  TDY
  PCS
  EPR
  SOS
  ACC
  BDU
  ACU
  BAR
  CIB
  TAD
  ABU
  And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his.
  She is the long- distance link to keep them informed;
  The glue that holds them together.
  A Military Wife has her moments:
  She wants to wring his neck;
  Dye his uniform pink;
  Refuse to move to Siberia;
  But she pulls herself together.
  Give her a few days,
  A travel brochure,
  A long hot bath,
  A pledge to the flag,
  A wedding picture,
  And she goes.
  She packs.
  She moves.
  She follows.
  Why?
  What for?
  How come?
  You may think it is because she has lost her mind.
  But actually it is because she has lost her heart.
  It was stolen from her by a man,
  Who puts duty first,
  Who longs to deploy,
  Who salutes the flag,
  And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her
  Military Husband,
  She will remain his Military Wife.
  And would have it no other way.
• "Making of a Military Wife"
  When the good Lord was creating Wives, he was into his sixth day of overtime.
  An angel appeared and said, "You're having a lot of trouble with this one. What's wrong with the standard model?"
  And the Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, but must be sponsored to get on post; have the qualities of both father and mother during deployments; be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40; run on black coffee; handle emergencies without a manual; be able to handle flu, birthdays and moves around the world; have a kiss that can cure anything from a child's torn Valentine to a husband's weary day; have the patience of a saint when waiting for the Unit to return home; and have six pairs of hands."
  The angel shook her hand slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands... no way!"
  And the Lord answered, "Don't worry, we'll make other military wives to help. Besides it's not the hands that are causing the problem, it's the heart. It must swell with pride in her husband, sustain the ache of separations, beat on soundly when it's too tired to do so and be large enough to say, "I Understand" when she doesn't, and 'I love you' regardless."
  "Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve gently. "Come to bed... finish this tomorrow!"
  "I can't," said the Lord. "I'm so close to creating something unique. Already I have one who heals herself when she's sick, can feed three unexpected guests who are stuck in the area due to bad weather, and can wave good-bye to her husband, from a pier, off a runway and understand that it is important to his country that he leaves."
  The angel circled the model of the military wife very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.
  "But tough," said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this woman can do or endure."
  "Can it think?"
  "Can it think? It can convert 1400 to 2 p.m."
  Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."
  "It's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear."
  "What's it for?" asked the angel.
  "It's for joy. Sadness. Disappointment. Pain, loneliness and pride!"
  "You are a genius," sighed the angel.
  The Lord looked somber and replied, "I didn't put it there."
  Author: Unknown