A question about : 4yo sleeping in our bed
I think I have posted about this ages ago but couldn't find the old thread to add too, sorry.
Our daughter has just turned 4 (in the last couple of weeks) and she has been coming into our bed every night which obviously I want to put a stop to but I'm not sure how.
Basically she will go to sleep in her bed without any problems whatsoever and when I explain that this is her special bed and it's where she sleeps etc etc she understands and is quite happy but fast forward to the middle of the night and she wakes up and wanders in to our room. She does it almost in a daze then climbs in and promptly nods off. When I caught her doing it I would carry her back to her own bed and settle her down and she would stay there until the morning. However I am now 5 months pregnant so cannot lift her. If I wake her up enough for her to walk back to bed she gets upset. I did put the baby gate up in her room for a while which did work but she has started to use the toilet at night (albeit only a couple of times - she still uses night time pullups) so I don't really want to do this. I did think about trying to put the baby gate up in our room so she can't come in but I don't know if that's a good idea.
I am keen to get this sorted before the baby arrives, esp as I am having a c-section so do not want to risk being knocked in the stomach during the night (which frequently happens)! Any thoughts/suggestions would be much appreciated.
Best answers:
- Could you either close your own door or put a potty in her room for use at night? You could also try a reward chart, where she gets a sticker for each night that she doesn't disturb you.
- I co-slept with my son from being born and ended up with the same problem. In the end, purely from desperation, I told him that as he still slept in my bed, he wasn't allowed to start school because he wasn't a big boy. I also told him he had to tell his friends that he wasn't going to school because he still slept in with mummy.
He stopped that night and hasn't done it since.
Cruel? Yes. Efficient? Yes. - Gosh I could have written this post except my LO is 3yo (but too big to be in our bed). Up until about 6 months ago he was in our bed at some point in the night almost every night. He was back last night keeping us both up with his little elbows and tossing and turning but on the whole now he is much better at sleeping in his bed. We kick started it with bribery (Naughty I know) "Do you want to have Nanny and Grandad stay with us tomorrow" kind of thing (they were coming anyway and then when he managed to go the full night we just made the biggest fuss of him ever - you are such a big boy! Wow Mummy and daddy are so proud of you - wait till we tell grandad and then if he had ended up in our bed the night we wouldn't make a massive deal of it we'd just say ooooh that wasn't getting it right was it? Show us what a big boy you are tonight instead.
I can't profess that it has been a massive success but it's definitely much better than it was and some nights you just cant be bothered to fight it can you. We're moving house soon too so it'll either get better or worse I'm sure. But like you I'll be having a c-section in 3.5 months and it can't go on - Wish I could offer a solution but both my girls gave slept in with me, my first eventually stopped when she turned around 6, my youngest is almost 5 and loves sleeping in with me, she sleeps so much better! Yes it's not the most comfortable thing for me and at times I think it would be great to have some space! But... They are only little for a short time, my eldest is 12 and wouldn't dream of sleeping in my bed now! I roll with it and have to admit I enjoy the snuggles!
I certainly wouldn't tell either of my kids off, if being in with me makes them feel safe and secure, well that's my job! ( just my opinion, I know many people don't agree and you have to do what's right for you) - I'm a mean mum as well
Aware of the benefits of co-sleeping but this was definitely NOT for us. Our boy had awful sleep patterns and in the early days we gave in through sheer tiredness and brought him in with us.
However at just over a year old, we did the controlled crying method. People might not agree with this but done properly, it can be very effective. It worked after 3 weeks and since then - apart from when ill - our son has slept around 10/11 hours a night.
If he messes around at night, we put him back in bed without saying anything to him. He never comes in our bed either x - Why can't your partner carry them to bed?
- Can you or your partner go back to her room and climb into her bed with her for a quick cuddle? It's natural for humans to sleep together so she probably just wants a quick cuddle to help her go back to sleep (and it's natural to wake in the night too). After a minute or two you can go back to your own bed. If she does get into your bed with you and you don't realise, when you do realise either walk her back or get your partner to carry her and then get in with her for a minute. That way it's not nearly so harsh but you are putting her where you want her to be.
- No one KNOWS the best way to raise a child. No one knows for sure if something is the best thing to do. People do what suits them and their families and I highly doubt most adults would purposefully 'harm' their child by picking one method of doing something over the other. Lets stop criticising each others choices. Parenthood is hard enough as it is!
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