Xmas dilemma

A question about : Xmas dilemma

Hi all, both mrsDNO and myself are finding it very difficult to manage this year, I'm a student nurse and I am still awaiting my bursary to be awarded they say it will be January 2nd before its due to be processed. Added to this my mrsDNO is on maternity leave, and although she works for the NHS and we is lucky to get occupational maternity leave, we are basically looking at funding Xmas and living costs on half our usual income. We have lines of credit with a High APR credit card and a Littlewoods account with nearly 1k to spend, but ideally we do not want to use these. We have 3 children (8,6 and 10 weeks) the two older kids want everything that was ever made in china for Christmas. But we have set a budget and we are basically up to it. Most of their toys have been from home bargains save for a ps3 game, and although it doesn't look like a mountain of presents, will it really matter? Come boxing day will they sit there and think Santa is tight? Or will they be more fascinated with the boxes as per usual. We genuinely do not know what to get them, it seems that they have most things children of their age have or want. Would it be buying for the sake of buying?
Adult relatives all have gifts too, although they are all very small compared to other years. Are we being tight and not in the spirit of Christmas, or are we just getting to a stage in our lives where consumerism is just wasted on us? We went in to m&s today with Ј100 gift vouchers and came out with 3 items and just under Ј50 left on the card, maybe we will feel different next year, but this year it just feels like I wish it could be new year already, I'm not even looking forward to the turkey. I guess barhumbug was a keen MSE anyone else feeling fed up of it all? Sorry for the rant.

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Best answers:

• Actually, I think you're looking at it the wrong way around. Its been years since I spent a fortune on the family, but this year is going to be our biggest Christmas yet simply because we've made almost all of the presents and decorations. The children have santa stockings filled with little presents (not a PS3 game to be seen, not that we have one to play on anyway) and the front room will be decorated with paper chains and tinsel. All food is being cooked from scratch (no shop bought mince pies or triffles) and therefore as much as you want to eat because it was a quarter of the normal price we used to pay at Christmas.
  I gave up on consumerism years ago and never looked back. It makes no sense to spend money you dont have on gifts that arnt particularly wanted or appreciated. All adult gifts are made, wine, beer, cosmetics etc. Nothing cost more than a few pounds to buy and I suspect will be much better appreciated when they are given.
  The only concession to consumerism was a booze run which happens once a year using saved money. I've been putting aside a DD into a savings account for the last year and that's what is buying anything we cant be bothered to make this year.
• Just want to give you and MrsDNO a wee (((hugs)))
  This is one of the reasons I really don't like Christmas - it's the consumerism - people feel under so much pressure to get the latest gadgets / get loads of presents etc.
  Honestly, think back to your childhood - what did you get? Can you even remember? (there is really only 1 present I can remember and that was my bike when I was 7!).
  I blame advertising and the fact that kids are exposed to toys / games / gadgets everywhere now ... there literally is no escaping it - and they have no comprehension of how much things cost (and how can they?) but it just piles on more pressure on the parents.
  Please don't get into debt for Christmas .... it's just not worth it. Go with what you've got, enjoy your day ....
• If you've bought them a ps3 (assume to share between themselves?), then aren't they getting a nice Christmas? Or do you think it isn't enough? They are coming at an age where it is important they start to understand that getting toys and present is directly related with the money that comes in and you can explain that with their mum on maternity leave and their dad going back to school, you can only get them one big present.
  I'm not in debt or struggling financially but my 10 yo is only getting a ps2 not 3 and that his main present (which he is happy about because he already has games for ps2).
  Your kids will not love you less because you are not spoiling them with the latest gadget. They will however thank you one day for you teaching them the value of money.
• Fire - I caught the make your own bug recently. Next Xmas I want to be more self sufficient, one of my top purchases next year will be one of those kenwood chef thingies, I love food prep and my pies are to die for. I also want to master the art of home brew.
  Rising - I hate shopping with a passion. Especially at this time of the year, everyone just looks so miserable, if they weren't digging themselves in to bigger financial holes for what is essentially one day then maybe they would be all a little happier.
  We have enough money to pay the bills, and if we can stay at the I laws for a few nights over Xmas we should come out of Christmas with a little money left in the accounts now the would be an achievement, doing Christmas with half income and still having money over
• I didn't get then a ps3 just a game, since my mum and dad split up my dad is constantly turning up with gifts, ps3, lap top, iPad type tablet for them. He spoils them the whole year round, and it does annoy me but he says if if cant spoil his grandchildren then it's time to pack up, because he has little else in his life. I have had various arguments with him over this time and again.
• how do i tell my other half that i am in debt
  I try to down play it in my head ... today i totaled the amount and im ashamed , the debt has occurred on 9 different store card credit cards and home shopping .
  it wasnt done in a greedy way just that my partner ha occured debts and was paying his off with a lot of grumble from me and in the mean time i had tried to keep the children clothed ect
  i may on time however the min amount so nothing is clearing
• The kids won't even notice.
  I've never spent alot on mine at Christmas and they never noticed and now they're teenagers they don't expect it. If they want something bigger they either have to club together with all the family or save (an art I've not quite mastered even if they have ).
  DM
• wood toys are better and less expensif than a ps3...
• Rising, I haddnt thought about that maybe I will suggest that to him.
• I sympathise, I really do, my kids know we dont have much money but it doesnt mean that when they go back to school after Christmas all anyone will be talking about is what they got, not what they did over the holidays.
  It seems like my 12 yo is the only kid in his class that doesnt have a Superdry coat - I mean Ј65 for a coat - there is no way we can afford that. He says he isnt bothered and he would only be worried about losing it if he had one, bless him.
  Anyway, back to Christmas. You need to be strong. You cant afford loads of presents and if you borrow money to pay for them you will just feel worse after Christmas. Come mid January the kids wont even remember what they got and you will be worrying about the statements coming in.
  My kids have struggled to think of things they wanted this year too. Its bonkers isnt it? They have so much stuff already. They will be getting some practical stuff, undies, pjs, socks and the like. I would be buying this anyway but it adds to the pile under the tree and I have always done this so they are happy with it.
  There is so much pressure to feel like its all jolly and happy at this time of year and for a lot of us thats just not the case. My son has serious health problems and Christmas is always hard - you feel like everyone else has a perfect life which is ridiculous of course.
  Anyway, Happy MSE Christmas to you and your family. Just stick to that budget!
• That's the thing, you have to hand it to marketing departments of stores and brands, they sure know what to say to make you feel inadequate. The Littlewoods advert for example, in fact thats it I'm paying my account up and closing it. Next year my children will have their Christmas money in a bank account, and they can join me in making gifts for others. If I can teach them now whilst they are young, that spending beyond your means to fit the "social norm" is not the road to a happy life then I am being a responcible parent, and maybe they will learn the lessons that I have, a good 20 years earlier
• You know, I've never shyed from the concept of money with my kids. It's as much a vital piece of education as how our impending new arrival managed to get inside my belly. My 8 year old was much intrigued, but was given an abreviated overview of the process suitable for her age using the correct terms. I dont believe in being coy with children on any subject, merely age appropriate. The same goes for money. When she notices something that someone has, I tell her exactly how much it cost. I discuss how that person might have afforded it, I discuss the concept of saving, of debt, of general finance and she helps me do the monthly 'sums' when I do my household finances. She knows how much I earn, how much we spend on food etc and how much is left over and she knows that life isnt free. I've never had a problem (or been in the least embarrassed) by telling a child that we simply cannot afford whatever it is she wanted, and why. In my experience, children completely understand that there is a finite pot of money and that bills take most of it - if you explain it and show them.
  I think half of this pressure from children at Christmas comes from the idea that the parents are too embarrassed to tell their children that they dont have enough money for whatever. As for PDLs, my eldest didnt need any help from me. She pointed out (on her own) that if you didnt have the money this month, why would you have the same money plus the interest next month....out of the mouths of babes.
  Of course, she also announced that she would of course be marrying a rich man so she wouldnt have to work.....but we'll get to that conversation later.
• OP - When my daughter was younger I used to buy loads of silly little things - crayons, a hair slide, ....whatever - but wrap every single little thing up individually. She loved it and she's never forgotten it!
  You really don't need to spend a fortune - forget the consumerism - make the decorations together, get the two older ones to help with making festive food. Tell your adult relatives/friends that you're just not doing presents this year (you'll be surprised how many of them will be relieved!). Christmas is about families being together, it's not about "things".
  And if you're worried about your older two going to school in the New Year and not having some big, expensive present to show off, then make a virtue of not wasting money, of remembering that many people in the world have nothing. Get them to buy in. And remember.....they will not be only one's anyway!
  They have parents who love them and that is the most important thing. And that is what they will remember.
• My DS is only 2 so I don't know whether I will actually be able to pull this off as he gets older, but my plan is to tell him that Santa just delivers the presents that mummy and daddy buy (maybe tell him that the stocking is a present from santa?). This way I hope to get him to understand from the start that the finances are not unlimited and that he can't ask for stupid things.
  I hope you have a wonderful Christmas - your kids will love whatever you do for them as you're clearly trying hard and love them to bits xx
• They have ipad laptop and ps3 ! Stop worrying they have enough!
  So Ј50 to get m and s special offers food for Xmas day then, and have a fab one, its what they'll remember. Is your dad coming for Xmas dinner, sounds like he would enjoy bringing you all something nice to contribute to the meal.
  One year I got my dd a loads of shampoo and soap. But in a basket with a hairbrush and sponge. Probably wouldn't work for boys lol. But it was after despairing at the price of gift sets for a few small things .
• If there's one thing I learnt last christmas it's that christmas is absolutley not about the presents.
  Last year we were so so broke, I managed to get a few toys for the kids with clubcard vouchers and years worth of nectar points. I made hampers for the parents with jellys jams and biscuits and got books on offer for all our brothers and sisters.
  I cooked a christmas dinner with food from iceland by selling old games and dvds. I spent days and days crying that all these people were bragging how much they had bought and mine had a couple of gifts each.
  They put the pie out for santa by the tree and watched a christmas movie before bed, they were so excited.
  We woke up christmas morning and had bucks fizz and eggs. The kids were so pleased santa had visited. They opened there presents and me and OH opened stockings which we'd put a Ј5 limit on each. We laughed as he played with the little lego figure I got him and the kids were just as excited by there few small gifts.
  We had all our family over who oood and ahhhd at our hampers and then they left and we cooked up our frozen feasts. It was delicious.
  After dinner we sat down to watch all the christmas telly and had a snooze. On the night we had some cheese and biscuits and agreed that it was the best christmas ever!!
  I will never ever go back to the days off mass buying and getting into debt for a christmas that is half as meaning full.
• I'm feeling much better about it today, they have what they have and our cloth is cut to measure. My DS asked "can I have this for Xmas........" I said not this year you don't need it. His reply was "ok" - I'm shocked.