We all need to be heard for a little while.

A question about : We all need to be heard for a little while.

This thread is a continuation of the thread 'Just needed to be heard for a little while '. If you would like to read the original thread, it's at https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/....php?t=4989825 A group of us are now good friends through this thread, but we always welcome new people who are interested in mental health issues and helping each other. Everyone is welcome here.

Here is the first post of the old thread-

I started this thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!

Hugs and warm handshakes, whichever you prefer.

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I have a lot of physical and mental illnesses that I have listed on the Disability forum so I won't bother going through them again. My partner is also a carer for his mother and she is particularly unwell at the moment so he is having to spend the weekend with her. I only have other carers during week days which means I am alone until Monday.

Today is a bad day, this world doesn't feel real, it feels like I am dreaming and I am about to wake up at any moment. Yesterday I was better but my stability can change within an hour sometimes and it happens several times a week. I don't expect any solutions as there aren't any, my psychiatric people work on maintenance as there is nothing more that can be done. I am on medication and have had 16 years of various therapies and we have come to the end of the line. It just helps me to know someone in this world (as opposed to the fantasy worlds in my head) reads what I say and it makes me feel more real and connected.

I have a hospital appointment on Tuesday as it has been discovered that I have Lupus too and I feel sick at the thought. I have only left my flat for 4 times in the last year, all for hospital appointments. My CPN and my partner are coming with me and we have a technique where I have a blanket over my head so I cannot see people, I can't bear to be looked at. I know that makes me stand out more to people but if I can't see them I can't tell that they are looking so it works.

Sometimes this is so hard and there is no way out of it. I have always cooperated with my doctors and done all that I can to get better but things can;t be improved. Believe it or not I am far more stable than I have ever been for the last 5 years, before was just lots of self-harm and suicide attempts and stays in hospital. I can;t distract either as I can't have any music or sound as it makes me hear things and reading is no good as I get caught up in the lives of the characters and think that I am within the book, the book becomes real and real life fades away. A specialist told me once that we all have a switch that stops us dreaming when we wake up, my switch is faulty so I get confused between the two. I have been taught a lot of grounding techniques to try to overcome this, they work with varying success. I am just sitting here now waiting to wake up, I feel like this isn't my life.

This will pass probably after I stop worrying about the hospital appointment, I just have to get through but it is exhausting. I have been in and out of therapy and on medication since I was 13 and I am just so tired. I won't take my own life as I promised the 3 people who care for me that I never would and I would never hurt them but this isn't really being alive. I feel utterly useless to everyone. I spent a lot of my life in a children's home and really tried to get better. I pushed myself to go to university and worked all the way through to support myself and eventually got my dream job of managing a residential home for autistic adults with challenging behaviours. I was so very happy. Then I became physically and mentally ill and lost everything and something in me died then. I have only ever wanted to give back the help I was given to others in pain and now I can't even trust myself to do that.

Sorry for the ramble and thank you if you read this. As I said I am not looking for solutions, I just wanted to feel a little less alone.

Best answers:

• Reserved for any useful info we think of subsequently.
• Yoohoo! Over here now!
  Sorry about the sudden closure all! We needed a new thread quite urgently as JM found out we are really only allowed threads up to 5000 posts in length! Oops!
  Someone move the fort over here!
• NEW THREAD
  *brings duvet, cushions, blankets, onesies and snacks*
• ......................................... ......................................... ..................
  Here is the suggested THREAD ETIQUETTE. By following this etiquette, all posters, whether new or existing, will feel safe, unpressured and respected..
  - This is a thread for support. We have discovered some good friends on here, but we promise always to welcome and include new people, and not to be cliquey.
  - People may make suggestions to help each other, and might even ask if the suggestions were helpful or have been carried out, but we'll really try not to nag each other or put too much pressure on.
  - The normal board rules about sexism, racism, homophobia etc. apply, but if we are careful we should be able to discuss almost anything without breaching board rules - so far we have discussed subjects ranging from child abuse to incontinence!
  -If someone thinks that too much pressure is being applied, they can post the trigger word PENGUIN and flag up the fact that they believe there's a potential for someone feeling too nagged to do something. ANYONE could post PENGUIN if they felt there was a danger that suggestions were being enforced too much.
  Similarly, if they want to discuss something that might be a trigger for some people, then posting PENGUIN would be a warning that what follows in the whiteout might be a trigger.
  - So, if you think something might be a PENGUIN, please post something like the green bit which follows.
  "I would like to discuss something to do with [insert subject here], but I am concerned that this might be a trigger for some people. Is everyone OK if I post about that?"
  Then, when you post, repost the word PENGUIN above the discussion. Then post the penguiny bit in white! And the phrase END OF PENGUIN when you have finished.
  It will look like this. You will be able to see the white text if you highlight it or if you quote it, (so please don't 'quote' a post containing a penguin onto the thread!)
  (Harmless example follows here):-
  PENGUIN
  This is a penguin. A nasty, crotch biting penguin (CBP).
  It isn't really! So you can look. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozGTv0hxhpc[/url]
  END OF PENGUIN
  (NB on a tenth-page repost of the etiquette, you can see these penguiny words because they are white against the green 'quote' background. On a normal post, they will be white against white, and so won't be seen on the thread.)
  IMPORTANT: It has been ascertained that some posters to this thread have found that there are certain subjects which act as triggers, precipitating a worsening of their condition.
  To protect these posters, you are respectfully requested NOT to discuss these subjects on this thread:-
  Religion. (Please note: it is recognised that everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and we respect those beliefs. It is only because of the fact that religion does act as a trigger for some posters, that we exclude it from discussion.)
  N.B. Please don't even mention the name of the religion.
  The afterlife. The reason for this is explained in this thread by one poster, and there will be others for whom this is a trigger.
  We ask and thank you for your co-operation in this matter.
  ......................................... ......................................... ............
  It should be pointed out that if anyone is feeling very distressed or close to a crisis, they do not have to worry about what they are posting, or whether it is a penguin for someone else or not. In a crisis situation, just post! We wouldn't want anyone to feel that they couldn't ask for help in case it's a penguin! The penguin thing only applies to a general discussion situation.
  - More suggestions please.............We stress that we are suggesting that we AGREE some Thread Etiquette to HELP people who might feel anxious about posting, we are not trying to IMPOSE rules, just relating this to facilitating groups, so that people feel safe and able to participate as fully as they can.
  ...............Thread Motto...............
  Nos Omnes Ad Audiendum Parumper
• Has someone posted a link to the new thread at the end of the old thread?
  I inadvertently posted after you, WaS, but I can delete it if it's a problem.
• I posted a link to this thread, Pyxis. Twice I think just to make sure. I am sure one post after me won't matter!
  Sorry it was a bit of a quick swap but we were 5000 posts too many. We talk a lot!
  Now I am crawling into the fort for the rest of the day and doing nuffin because my OCD went into overdrive checking I got this right and I am all tired now.
• Hi all, I've been a lurker on the last thread and this seems a good time to say hi. Emm. Will introduce myself properly another day. Currently hoping just keeping going will work for now.
  Passes extra biscuits in to the duvet fort
• Hello, dragonette! Welcome to the shiny, new thread! Pop in anytime you like, you will always be welcome! Thank you for the biscuits!
• .................WaS says.........
  ..................we say.............
  ..............To any newcomers...............
  .........Just decorating the place up a bit!
• Welcome dragonette! Thanks for the biscuits hope you find this thread as much help as i and others have
• I was going to say we need a few decorations, Pyxis!
• Talking about the duvet fort, can all the dogs and cuddlies come in too?
• Aw, definitely! I need all animals and cuddlies!
• By the way, I was going to shriek when we reached 200k views, but we've overshot, and the old thread total is now
  .........................201,095...........................
  Suggestion for the reserved post....a quick mention of the Etiquette?
  Sorry you're tired, WaS, have a snuggle in t'duvet! With biscuit, of course!
• Stinky pets are allowed, LIR! I would still love them just as much!
  Wow, so many views! Does anyone else feel weird being on a new thread? No, didn't think so. It's just me being odd then...
• ...trudges into new thread/fort with pj's, shortbread, hot chocolate and Percy cat