26 Feb 2015

A question about : Things you never thought you'd ever say

I shall start

Steve (my husband), you hold that chicken while I rub its knees

Best answers:

  • Nick, (my boss) I think you should fire my colleague because he is a complete idiot!
  • At work this week-
    I'll open the shop when I've cleared the ceiling off the floor and we can find the toilet.
  • Nick, (my boss) please will you fire me, cause I'm an idiot.
  • Is death a 10 when we score severity. They'll know that death is going to happen so if it's with warning, that's a 9 isn't it.
  • Before you throw it away, let me see if I can fix the stapler.
    *pauses, looks at 'broken' stapler*
    Or just refill it with staples.
  • Yes of course dogs have hearts
  • "oh look, the moon's moved"
  • "You lads alright or do you want pulling off?"
    I meant towing their broken down van off a roundabout
  • I want a dancing broom
    (seasonal item in Sainsbugs)
  • No it's all right i'll get them, it's my round.
  • Helping a friend to move house yesterday to a 3rd floor apartment:
    "The problem I have is getting it up"
  • Today.
    (Husband to my mother) " I've put the Nut Roast for the badger in a doggy bag "
  • Yesterday:
    "The wire spears & the pigs are on their way" (28mm scale model pigs are tough to scratch build.)
    Last month
    "Oh, go on then" - to husband's hopeful reading aloud of an email about the cost of a sword blade...
  • Me to H2B: "You hold it and I'll shove it in - Just make sure the cat doesn't try and eat it"
    Me to friend: No wonder it looks funny, - that's a knee not an elbow
  • you can link Cliff Richard to Charles Manson in about 3 moves.
  • (Wife when cleaning inside the washing machine)
    I am sick of cleaning out this fluck and muff (should have been muck and fluff)
  • Well I never thought I'd see Superman doing that to Lois.
  • Oh look, your salami's hanging out!
    This was said to my 3yr old daughter while eating a sandwich.
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