Shared care. How to make it formal?

A question about : Shared care. How to make it formal?

Hi All,

I couldn't sleep whole night, hope you can help.

TL;DR Unmaried father seeks to make shared care formal.

We split up last year. My ex had gone into YOLO end of life, she is working very very hard and partying hard. I'm with children ( 2 of them ) 5 to 6 days a week usually for the last few months.

We were never married and for what i've read, in that case mother has sole care power. She loves her children, but wants to have as much from her life as she can now. Unfortunately she is mind changer. She met the one on august and went mental over being good mother - restricted my access to children because the other guy didn't want me in their lifes. I played it cool and eventually they split up and things went back to normal. She just announced, she'll be getting married (again) + moving. I'm afraid of this ( and any future ) situations like this ending up with me seeing kids every other week or whatnot. As you can imagine I got very attached to them and can't imagine a day without seeing them.

What options do i have?
I briefly touched 50/50 shared care agreement with her in the past and she exploded.

I will not have any courts or other stressful stuff because that's always messy, and my kids don't deserve that.

Would written shared agreement be enough ? Would i have to have it confirmed by solicitor ? Or do i need to deal with court either way ?

I need anything other than her word for that i'll be part of my children lifes. I'll appreciate any resources / references.

Sorry for little off topic subject, but I'm in the dark and hope to get at least pointers in right direction.

Thanks,

Best answers:

• If she and you cannot agree then your only option is to go to court and get a contact order put in place. It costs a couple of hundred pounds and you wont need a solicitor.
  Even if you agree and have something drawn up by a solicitor, she can easily break it with no ramification, but if there is a contact order, you can seek to have the order enforced if she breaks it. Court really isnt a big deal and its not stressful - the children wont have to attend and unless you or she tells them about it then they wont know.
• Please don't listen to scare stories. Using the courts to establish contact doesn't have to be messy and it doesn't need to upset the children. You need to do this for the sake of your children, they need the love of both parents and they need the stability that you clearly give them. Don't put this off, contact Families Need Fathers, they can give you lots of help and advice. My husband used the courts to establish parental responsibility and to formalise contact. His only regret is that he didn't do it sooner, he wanted to keep things informal but he encountered the sort of problems you describe, having a formal agreement made a big difference. Good luck.
• @Mojisola yes i do, they hold my surname, i'm on their birth certificates, but from what i read it has no effect on contact with children.
  Thanks everyone for advice, i'm still torn. I can imagine how the court order makes a difference, but its so unfortunate its the only way.