Is this Right?

A question about : Is this Right?

4 years ago I split from my ex wife, we weren't that well off I earned around Ј230 per week and she worked part time and eaned about Ј120.
Since we split I am now self employed and earn after tax around Ј400-Ј500 per week.
We have two children aged 11 and 6 and I pay Ј200 per month for them.
I have my kids twice a week and that has been really hard to secure as she has used them consistently to get at me, but that's another story and too long to tell here.
My question is this.
Do any of you think that now I'm earning better money that I should pay my ex-wife 20% of those earnings as she thinks she deserves, I now live with my partner who has a 9 year old and she works full time, and recives Ј140 per month from her ex.
I treat my children when they are with me and want that to continue, however, if the CSA take more money from me then I cannot do that, and as I was not earning this kind of money before, why should my ex wife be entitled to it, as it is she already uses that money to pay monthly for an expensive car that she's bought, it is clear that the money I pay already is more than enough to cover their costs etc.
Please give me your thoughts

Best answers:

• Am I the only one tempted to post "but surely you would want your children to have a better standard of life now your circumstances are improved"? What on earth do you think £200 a month covers for TWO children?!
  Why are YOU and the EX the focal point in your post? It's child maintenance not spousal support.
• My argument is this..
  I can give my children a better life and future, because I can now afford to put money aside for their future, and their mother who is money and material motivated cannot get her hands on.
  I'm afraid I can't explain very well here exactly what she is like but it is my kids that are losing out.
  She will be the one gaining I can assure you, as the extra money would not be seen by my children or spent on them.
  I have no problems with paying for them i just think that it is a bit cruel.
  Ok? So I I've just won the lottery and I won Ј4M,
  What do you suggest I do?
  Give my ex wife half because she can look after the kids better??
  Er, don't think so.
  Do you think she'd give me half?
• i can see your point here but if she went to the CSA then they would take around 60 pounds per week based on you having them for 2 nights a week an there allready being a child in the home you live now
  so its not that much extra really
  that is based on you earning arround 400 pounds per week
  https://www.csacalculator.dsdni.gov.uk/calc.asp
• For what its worth repsolblade, I'm with you!
  My partners ex is money motivated and and will do whatever she can to get more. The kids are well looked after at the moment but the CSA are asking for an extra 57% increase on what we already pay even though it has been based on non-guaranteed earnings (O/T & unsocial hours) This means we can no longer afford to take the kids places and do things with them when they visit like we used to, which has resulted in the eldest child being bored and would rather stay at home to see his mates (understandably). If the kids were not well looked after through lack of money then yes I would agree that the my partner should pay the extra as their health and welfare are more important than trips out. But, they walk around in the up to date designer clothing and footie strips and eat out at takeaways nearly every night! Why can't we be given a bit of slack so that we can continue to provide some kind of quality entertainment when they visit us? But the law states stipulates these rules so we have no option. The law needs to be changed to take these sort of circumstances into account.
• Am not making a dig at anyone here so please be nice!
  How on earth can anyone completely fund the upkeep of two children on Ј200.00/month?
  Admittedly am not that brilliant with finances, but I can't make that cover the necessary expenditure for one child. :confused:
• There is an article under tiscali money stating that the average cost to bring up a child from birth to 21 years is Ј180,000!!
  From birth to 21, the survey shows, the average UK household will spend Ј17,002 on a child's food, Ј12,352 on clothing, Ј11,086 on holidays, Ј9,592 on hobbies and toys, and Ј5,518 on pocket money.
  This works out at Ј714 per month per child! What are we feeding them on caviar??? I think not, IMO this is totally unreasonable. The problem with todays society is that children expect the latest gadgets (PS3, Mobile phone, XBox 360 etc etc) and parents feel obliged to provide these. I believe it is possible to keep a child on Ј200 per month and I believe there are many parents out there who do it. We have to educate our children and ourselves not to expect too much. If you have the money then all well and good but how many people live beyond their means and get themselves into debt. Everyone wants what is best for their child in terms of material things but a loving happy environment is more important than the latest footie strip or games console.
• Probably will in a few weeks, but right now am intent on simply enjoying the feeling of having just made my very last ever student loan repayment !!! (maybe should have studied accountancy though !!)
• Sorry was referring to the post above mine by DJoiner as he said that is the amount he and his ex spent on the upkeep of their two children.
  Was definitely not having a go, as DJoiner sounds exactly like the kind of caring father that most of the female posters on this board, (myself included) probably wish their children actually had, am just impressed by it.
• Ј200 a month? Of course it's possible. I cooked from scratch mostly, of course we'd take them out occasionally but it would be a treat - not a weekly thing. kids don't need tvs etc in their rooms, they don't need to be taken on expensive days out, not when they're young anyway. My kids were more than happy taking the dog for a walk in the local woods, and they loved going camping. Unfortunately now they've moved out and have all these consoles and luxuries they're not quite the same.
  It is possible to bring up 2 children on Ј200 a month, and like someone else said, that's the father's contribution. And whether the law agrees or not, i think the mother should do her best to contribute as well.
• Thankfully for my son he has one hard working parent who makes a point of earning enough to cover all his needs, and most of his wants, as if he was reliant on NRP contributions then he would have gone without a long time ago!
  Unfortunately for us we live in a very built up city centre so recreation all comes at a cost to us, in fact quite a high cost. I tend to forget not everyone has this restriction, hence the question.
• Sorry I wasted an hour of my time supporting you Djoiner. If you genuinely believed Ј200pm was enough to support 2 children on then I don't understand why you've been giving your ex Ј800pm of your own free will.
  Child maintenance is not pocket money contrary to a lot of absent parents' beliefs. Every child needs a stable home therefore where there isn't joint custody, the parent with care picks up the tab to provide this.
  The rent I pay on my 2 bed flat is Ј650pcm compared to Ј500 were I to rent a studio flat for one person. I am therefore paying out Ј150pm to rent his nursery for starters.
  My son also has furniture in this bedroom. He has a lampshade, curtains, rug, rocking chair for bedtime stories, changing table with cupboard underneath, toddler bed, duvet, pillow and bed linen plus mattress and wardrobe. These things cost me about Ј380 even though I purchased the changing table and rocking chair second hand (the bed linen, duvet and ventilated baby pillow cost Ј50 and that's WITH me stitching my own duvet covers from flat sheets).
  My son also has clothes. He has 14 vests, 4 pairs of jammies, 5 or 6 tee-shirts, 3 or 4 l/s tops, 5 pairs of trousers, 4 pairs of shorts, two jackets, a coat, a sun hat, sandles and shoes. These cost me about Ј150.
  My son then has around 80 toddler books which have cost me personally around Ј120 though of course many have been gifts. A book costs anywhere between Ј1.50 and Ј6.99 and if you'd seen the state of my local library you'd understand why I buy them myself. It's not exactly fair to make your children give back their favourite toys every week either and if my son loves books I'd like to encourage that thanks.
  My son has toys and these have probably cost me in the region of Ј250 in the last six months. His trike was Ј40, his kitchen set was Ј30, his arts and crafts bits cost about Ј20 including non-toxic versions of paints and play-doh. The wide variety of toys and activities I am providing my son with is to give him a good start life and essential for his development. You can't just give a child a small box of cars and crayons day in, day out and expect them to be happy or make any progress.
  My son eats on a daily basis too. This costs me about Ј40 per month.
  My son wears nappies and these as well as wipes and nappy bags cost around Ј35pm.
  My son has a bath every other day. This costs about Ј15 per month in water.
  My son has to have his clothes washed and this costs me about Ј15pm in water, electric, non-bio powder and pure fabric conditioner.
  My son enjoys a trip to the swimming pool and soft play area twice a month and this costs Ј7.50 a time including my swim fee and his swimming nappy so that's Ј15pm.
  My son uses electricity to heat and light his nursery as well as indulge in the odd bit of CBeebies. This costs me around Ј15pm - more in winter due to our electric storage heaters.
  My son has a car seat in the car to transport him round in which cost Ј75.
  My son has a pushchair that I recently had to replace due to wear and tear and this cost Ј45.
  If you calculate the buys that spread out over 6m they add up to Ј900 which is the equivilant of Ј170 per month. Then add on the monthly expenses and that's Ј440 a month I spend on caring for my son. Not including all the little things like petrol to take him to appointments or special days out to the local wildlife park or anything. Oh and of course I omitted the Ј140 expense of taking him on his first ever holiday to a caravan park in May including petrol and activities.
  If it wasn't for tax credits I would also be paying Ј733pcm for childcare for the "privilege" of going to work full-time. Whilst my ex-husband is of course able to use me for free childcare whilst he works and socialises away without any consideration for what used to be our child or the responsibilities that entails.
  Considering I cook meals from scratch too and I buy second-hand where safe and hygienic, I'm not suprised it costs some parents Ј700+ per month to care for one child. And if Ј440 per month minimum is what I'm paying for ONE child - you surely have to allow for Ј600+ per month for two. Even though you forgo certain babycare items with older children, with a second child you need to rent an even bigger property and pay for double the clothes and food etc.
  I'm not saying NRP's should pay hand over fist but unless you've sat down and crunched the numbers for yourself then you can't really expect much sympathy for not wanting to properly provide for your own children in accordance with the CSA MINIMUM (20% of your earnings).
  Never mind about what your wife is or isn't doing with her life - it's her life. You are not paying for her you just think you are because in paying for your children it means she has some of her own money for herself left over instead of having to spend every last penny providing for your children.
  If you have genuine concerns that your children are not being properly provided for then you should consult Social Services, the children's GP or seek full custody through court proceedings. If you don't then you have to stop being so angry and learn to live within your means which includes paying 20% of your income to maintain two children you chose to bring into this world.
  If you think I don't get angry sometimes about how much it costs me to provide for my child when there's someone out there living a great life then you're wrong. However when I have these thoughts I remind myself that I don't do it for him - I do it because I love my child and it is my responsibility to provide for him regardless of what the other parent is doing. I realised that if I kept the bad attitude my child would suffer in the long and you need to come to a similiar conclusion. What you're expected to pay is fair and it will benefit your children in the long run even if you can't see that now.