26 Feb 2015

A question about : My situation .. What can I do?

Hey guys, I will try to keep this brief as possible.

I'm a 23 year old male, working full time, with the love of my life and expecting a child in february and hopefully getting married.

The problem I have is that last november I knew a girl a little (19 yr old) slept with her (she is a psycho) two times with no condom (stupid I know) we got on well at the time and felt I could trust her. She said she was on the pill (then found out she was lying from her mother) and was told she couldn't have children, now guess what she has had a child and apparently it's mine and is now getting hold of the CSA.

Before people slate me, I want to elaborate, I want nothing to do with her, or her child. It wasn't like I risked it, even though I kind of did, I trusted her with what she said and she knew we weren't serious as well.

I'm happy with my current relationship and I was excited for the future until this girl rocked the boat.

I don't think she knows my date of birth and she definitely doesn't know my last employers or my address.

I earn around Ј1300 a month after tax.

I'll be paying the rent and bills when my mrs's' goes on maternity.

Ј700 rent and bills
Ј120 travel to work a month
Ј200 a month back to a family member because they cleared my credit card debt we agreed this.
Ј100 a month for my mobile contract and gym contract.

total of = Ј1120, left with Ј280 for the month.

WITHOUT food

without providing for the child I'm so excited for with the woman I will marry.

Some will slate me, but I hope some understand my position.

I'm wondering what can the CSA do to me and how much can they take? Will they take into account my child I'll have to provide for with myself living even a little too.

What can the CSA do to me and what/do I have any rights?

Also I can't be on the birth certificate can I? As I wasn't present.

If I was with her, then we broke up I'd pay and man up, but this situation is different.

What I find appauling is the fact young girls do this to guys on purpose just so they don't have to work.

Thanks

Best answers:

  • Well the CSA are not invented by Carling, so you will have to deduct 15% from your Ј1300, equating to around Ј180 per month (and that does not include the DNA test which I'm sure you will get performed?!)
    When you say you were not present do you mean at the conception?
    Mate, you soon get used to contributing, it is often those that try and evade that end up overly stressed.
  • Carling to run the CSA Bliss
    To gooner i'd defo get a DNA test as you are in for 1 hell of a ride with the CSA.
    Takes 2 to tango and of course i do sympathise when it comes to males. As their brains are overruled by something else.
  • If she is a psycho why would you take her word for it that she was on the pill?
    Anyway, as DUTR said you will be expected to pay 15% of your net income. However, when your new child is born 15% of your net income will be disregarded so the calculation will be 15% of Ј1105, roughly Ј165 per month.
  • Won't your girlfriend receive any maternity pay?
  • "The problem I have is that last november I knew a girl a little (19 yr old) slept with her (she is a psycho) two times with no condom (stupid I know) ".... "a little"?!!!
    OFGS IT'S YOUR CHILD TOO! Whether you want anything to do with "HER child" or not is irrelevant. Trusting her word she was on the pill is neither here nor there...the pill can fail...as can condoms... you both made the child, get used to the idea that for the next 18 years you will be providing for a child...who is not just a 'financial commitment' but actually your new child's half-sister!
  • Get a DNA.
  • Oh dear.
    A word of warning - you are going to get ripped to shreds on this forum!
    Quote:
  • By the way does your current partner know about this other child? If not, good luck - you'll need it!
  • Firstly if this is your baby you'll be liable to pay her child suppourt - this could roughly be covered by the amount you are currently paying for your mobile and gym membership.
    You may not be on the birth certificate but you can obtain a Parental Responsibility Agreement which will give you PR for the child - and if you cannot reach an agreement about contact I'd advise you see a family law solicitor to apply for a contact order.
    I also dont understand "its not like I took a risk although I kind of did". thats like when people say "I wasnt planning to get pregnant, I just thought I'd stop taking my pill and see what happens"!
  • remember the money you pay is to support your child ...not the 'ex'..
    also ( someone has to say it) if you had unprotected sex last November ( and since) you may want to get checked for STIs... give your current girlfriend less to worry about!
  • I think its common practice for pregnant women to be screened for stds as they pose a risk to the baby, but a good point that the OP probably has not considered.
  • hi - my brother had 1/2 his wages taken by CSA for a child that wasnt his!
    First is the need for DNA to prove you are the father. You'd better tell your wife right now so she knows whats going on. would you prefer she heard it from someone else?
    If you are married they will take your wifes earnings into account as well when calculating the % of deductions.
    It doesnt matter what you pay out - they dont care.
  • Absolutely get the DNA test asap.
    But without wishing to rant...it isn't JUST about the money, your child, if she's proved to be yours, will only care in retrospect that you didn't pay X amount of pounds...what she WILL care about if she knows of you. is if you never send a birthday or Christmas card...or the odd letter wishing her a happy life...and your child by your new relationship will also want to know that his/her loving dad also took care of his first child.
    check direct.gov.uk for info
  • That was CSA1 (and even then partners income wasn't used to pay maintenance - just to work out how much money the NRP had available to pay maintenance as such).
    As this is a new case it will be on CSA2 which is a straight 15% deduction of net earnings (although when the new baby arrives it will be reduced slightly - I calculated earlier something like Ј31).
  • Hey guys. Thanks for all your responsibilities.
    I didn't know the type of person she was until after really. I did a silly thing, but generally I am not stupid. It was more of a fling than a relationship, and I wasn't with my mrs's at the time.
    For the record I had sti tests, came back clear, she even admitted she was sleeping about the same time as me.
    If people want to rip me fine, I'm trying to be a man here and get some advice, which again I appreciate.
    I do not have the girls number anymore, should I get in touch with CSA or wait for them? As I do not want arrears, or would arrears start to build up once they contact me?
    Also, I told my mrs's about this girl when it first happened, she's supporting me ( before she was pregnant too).
    I live my life by being honest, and that's why I came on here.
    Just a shame the CSA do not take things into account.
    I will pay the maintenance, it wont all go to the baby because I know how the girl is, selfish is just a nice word for her. She smokes a hell of a load of cannabis (not sure about now) worked cash in hand, owns and breeded pitbulls. Now that isn't my mind of a great person.
    Thanks guys
  • cmoptions.org/en/options/child-support-agency.asp will give you some answers
  • For the record I had sti tests, came back clear, she even admitted she was sleeping about the same time as me.
    You sound a sensible guy but there you go put your mind at ease and get a DNA test.
    Weve all done something stupid in our lives before
    Best of luck
  • Thanks guys. Appreciate it, and like I said, I've been honest throughout my posts.
    Appreciate the help.
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