Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

A question about : Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

So... I did have a diary. I didn't do all that well with it. It was dedicated to keeping my debt free hat on. I'm lucky and happy to say that I have, in the last few months managed at least that. I may not have all the savings I was hoping for but I still have a cushion and my income still exceeds my outgoings. With a little nudging and help from people on here, I am hoping that 2014 will be the 'Year of the Saver'.

So, why did I ditch that diary and start a new one? Because I am no longer that person any more I suppose. I am Lilt 2.0. A little battered and bruised, with a hugely broken heart right now.

Old diary held news of me, Jellytot (small girl, 20 months old now. cheeky, adorable, my world!) and 'him'. Him decided around the end of September that he no longer feels the same. To say I wasn't expecting it is an understatement. After a couple of weeks apart, then a week of 'trying' which was excellent, he disappeared with a friend to London on a boys weekend, and the same 'trying' person did not come back. He was in fact so horrible, that I decided maybe it wasn't worth putting my heart into the mix to get it broken over and over. It wasn't my wisest decision. Self preservation on my part pushed him further away, though that was by no means entirely my fault, and on the 2nd December he moved home to his parents.

I personally don't think he is coming back. Time and distance are healers, not well known for making people fall in love. With that in mind, I have put my epic organising and prioritising hat on. Jelly and I shall not want for anything without him. Tax credits, council tax, broadband and now BT TV have been sorted out. I'm Ј90 per month better off between the tax creds and council tax. I've earned Ј150 cashback and Ј100 Mr S voucher for doing something I have wanted to for a long time (BT Infinity).

I spoke to the health visitor ref Jellys welfare in turbulent times, and she is happy but coming out next week to see us. Her name is 'Joy' and I'm taking that as an omen. Childcare provisions are made (Him will be coming to my flat Weds morning and either staying overnight for 2 nights [hope not] or leaving and coming back each day the same way) and I am looking at a days nursery place, as apparently I am now entitled to 70% towards my childcare because I work 24 hours a week. There are some plus sides to having always been the breadwinner.

I've got my lovely parents coming next week and they are helping me to decorate my bedroom, put curtains up finally(!!!) and make it look a bit different now that it is just mine.

TODAY I am putting up the treeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Oh goody, how many baubles will Jellytot break in the next few days whilst I am at work!

My lovely rock HeadAboveWater

Best answers:

• Lilt, what a time you're having. Wow you are amazing in doing so much with your 'mse' head on.
  Congratulations on becoming debt-free
  I hope 2014 is a year of things falling in to place for you, of great fun and joy with jellytot and peace for you.
• Aww lilt, lil jellytot and yourself make a great little family.
  And if you ever need a pick me up...
• You sound very positive given the situation. I shall be following this new diary to see how your getting on. Hope you and Jellytot have a fabulous christmas
• Oh major hugs to you. You sound truly grounded though. I wish you strength, peace, and everything wonderful for both of you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and never doubt your power as a woman and a mother. You are a lioness and don't ever forget that! Love and luck to you. X
• You sound like a strong woman, keep smiling and it sounds like you've got things sorted. Good luck for 2014
• Aw lilt, sorry times have been turbulent. You and Jelly will be just fine though and will be best buds together.
  Nice to have you back. Xx
• Good to have you back lilt
  Exactly as HOK3Y says: never doubt yourself.
  You are sooooo much stronger than you realise. I know you will get through this, and anything else life would chance throwing at you. And with Jellytot by your side the journey will be full of adventures. And broken baubles probably!!
  One step at a time.
  *hug*
• Hello all.
  Thank you so much for popping in. I appreciate all the well wishes and just wish I felt as strong as I know somewhere inside I am...
  Today the health visitor came. Less worried about jellytot and more checking that I am okay which I thought was very sweet. An hour of chatting about nursery places and how to build myself up & do the things that I need to do for myself rather than continually thinking about Him and his needs. It was nice to see and speak to someone who firmly believes in me and everything I am doing for my daughter. It was also lovely to be told that she is thriving and flourishing on the care I am giving. She isn't worried about the fact that jellytot has not physically put her 'Mr Bear' down for any more than 2 minutes (apart from bathtimes) in the last week and a half. I think I need to find a replacement. He is beginning to resemble a strangled chicken from her firm neck grip on him!
  Received my working and child tax credits notification for my single claim. A nice surprise. I don't ever need to post an SOA any more thank goodness. Lets just say thanks to our slightly screwy benefits system and 9 months of maternity leave last year, until April 2014 my income, (including my salary from work) will far outweigh the outgoings. Bring on saving that 'cushion' up a bit further and maybe even saving for a holiday for me and jelly next year. That's one sigh of relief anyway...
  My parents have been here since Saturday. They leave tomorrow night. Dad has been 'fixing' me via the medium of DIY. An endless list of things have been sorted out. I've got CURTAINS in my bedroom again!!! (The old curtain track collapsed on me at the same time as my marriage). Mum has fixed me with good food and a lot of ironing. She's also helped me paint my bedroom a lovely selection of creams, browns and cappuccino's. One more coat to go and it will all be completed. I have to say, I'm looking forward to sleeping in there tomorrow night (parents have had my room since Saturday!) with new bedding, pretty cushions, matching bedside lamps, my lovely rug suddenly tying in nicely, and all of my pictures of my beautiful girl up on the new walls! I feel like I have reclaimed a piece of my home from Him.
  Off to sort out some Christmas shopping online. Tomorrow I somehow have to sort out my entire family 'oop north' for Christmas in time to send back with my parents!
  Hope you all have a lovely evening. I'm off to make a cuppa and open the miniature heroes!!
• All good stuff lilt. You WILL get through this even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. You just have to believe that everything happens for a reason, and more importantly you have to believe in yourself Xx
• Wow what an inspiring diary already!
  You sound like you're being so positive! Bet you can't wait until tomorrow night in your new bedroom! It's so important to have your own stance where you can just relax - enjoy, I'm sure you deserve it :-)
• So pleased for you Lilt. Glad your getting loads of support and making changes to help you move on. Enjoy your first night in your new room!
• Roll on bedtime, huh?!
  Glad things went well with HV too And I'm glad she's looking out for you as well as jellytot.
  Quote:
• *hangs head in shame*...
  It's been nearly a month since I posted. I'm very sorry diary.. I have had a lot going on, both inside my 'relationship' and outside of it. That is no excuse though!
  Christmas was excellent in terms of time spent with Jellytot, gifts for both me and her and general goodwill. I managed to keep my DFW hat on right up until I spent a combined Ј2500 between supermarket shops. Only a fraction of that was on gifts, and zero on alcohol so that leaves the rather mind-boggling question of how I ended up having to do another shop a little over a week after Christmas?!? Bah. Good job it comes around once a year and not monthly eh!
  I took the tree down on the 28th to make room for a slide in my living room, amongst half a dozen other 'big' presents. Myself, I only spent Ј24.99 plus Ј50 worth of vouchers on a vtech innotab baby 2 for Jelly. She adores it!! Everyone else bought an eye watering amount of stuff, that I am still working out how to cram into my flat!
  The same day, Jelly and I skidded to A&E after she ran through the house, tripped over my foot and smashed face first into the wooden flooring. Ouch. One 20 month old with a broken nose and banged up face... I'm sure she only did it so I couldn't wipe her nose from the lingering cold she has! I'm counting it as a win that this is her first trip there in 20 months. And LAST in the first 5 years might I add *touches that wood flooring...*
  Other than those lovely easy to write about things, I have a whole bunch of other unexplainable stuff going on. I'll just leave it with an ''In Progress'' sign hanging over it until I am ready to talk. I know you won't judge but hey.
  Off to eat more stollen bites and spread yet more Christmas cheere aka icing sugar over my pyjamas and laptop have a lovely evening!!
• *hugs* to you lilt
  One day at a time. We're here when you need us.
• Just saw my typo up there... Ј2500 on food?!? Ј250****
  Hugs back atcha!!
• Ј2500?? I didn't even notice!!
  I'm away to wake myself up properly now....
• Ha well I feel much more virtuous now that it isn't Ј2500. That would be a ridiculous amount to spend on 2 days of Christmas food, unless it was to feed a few hundred people!!
  Just got some new trainers, which were desperately needed as I have been walking around in Sainsbury's plimsolls c. Ј10 for the last 6 months feeling every stone and puddle along the way! Got a bargain and paid Ј30 for some Ј70RRP adidas. It's not often I go all out on branded items, so I was pleased with that and they are exceptionally comfy. I floated to work today in them! Also got a pair of 'Replay' jeans with a Ј100 reduction on them, so paid Ј17.99. They almost fit me perfectly but I need to lose the Christmas pounds to feel comfortable in them.
  Set myself up a First Direct regular savings account. 6% interest, pay in a max of Ј300 per month/Ј3600 total over the 12 months. You then get your 6% return minus tax the day after the 12 months is up. I only managed to put Ј100 in it so far this month but hope to be able to add in the extra (which they let you do) in the first 3 months.
  Waiting for my next tax credits payment as I currently have no idea thanks to new single claim and Christmas early payment when it's actually due. Or what the amount will be. Feel a bit ropey not knowing any facts and figures on it as I have followed it so closely for the last 18 months.
  Update on me and Him... A couple of weeks after he moved out, he suddenly decided he wanted to 'try' again. He couldn't seem to fathom why I wasn't down on my hands and knees saying thank you and going back to how we were when we were 'trying' from September to Decembers proper split. My own feelings on the subject were very mixed. I didn't want him to come back to 'try'. I know it needs work, but hanging a sign over our heads saying 'trying' just seems to be setting us up to fail. I asked if we could take it slow, date a bit, him live with his parents as he was doing etc... And go from there, with no labels on it. His reply was stinging and made me quite angry. He can be SO selfish. HE didn't think HE was strong enough to wait for ME to make up my mind on it. Precisely how he didn't link that to the 3+ months from September where I had been living with him day to day with exactly that problem I am not sure. He just ploughed on in about how it was too difficult for him to do that so I basically had to throw myself back into it full force, with all my heart, no reservations, for him to TRY and make it work. Yeah, seems reasonable. I kind of told him to stick it and grow up.
  Since then he has tried to make things work from afar, vaguely compromising on very small things, but pushing my limits and boundaries too far repeatedly. At Christmas we agreed for Jellytots sake that he would come Xmas Eve and stay for the christmas period. The same evening he arrived, he went through my phone (which I had left with Jellytot for the cbeebies app) and went mental at a text message from a man who works for my company which he took completely out of context from several weeks earlier. Number 1: why is HE going through my phone? He split up with me?!?! Number 2: Why is it any of his business who is texting me? Number 3: CHRISTMAS EVE REALLY?!?! We spent hours going back and forth screaming, luckily after Jellytot was in bed. It wasn't pretty, he wasn't listening. He was insistent that I had cheated; I won't go into the ins and outs, but this is a happily married man who just happens to think it's hilarious to request payment in kind for work completed. It's all in jest and I didn't dignify it with a response, which apparently means I am sleeping with him.... Anyway we decided to let it lie until xmas was over and just got on with it. All seemed fine, we were getting on much better but then he wouldn't leave after xmas. I ended up having to kick him out and he is upset by that... He keeps on winding back to this text message... It's an insurmountable problem for him apparently. I have tried to explain that the last 8 months of him talking day and night non-stop via text, snapchat, skype and playstation to a girl he met online did the same thing to me only I learned to live with it all that time. Apparently I am being dramatic, and it isn't the same thing because she is his friend and 'as far as he tells me' they haven't done anything wrong, whereas I am not 'innocent' in one text message sent from someone else to me... Yeah I will take his word for it shall I?
  You know when you feel like your life is a washing machine and you're just spinning around trying not to get too soaking wet and/or drown? Yeah... that is what the last few weeks have been like. I'm definitely not winning the battle with the water.
  All other things in life are good though!!
• To think I have only just found this!! I am so sorry Lilt!
  I did wonder where you went for a little while but thought that people have their own lives and heartache to deal with and didn't ask. I am even more sorry for that.
  What an awful thing to happen before Christmas and what a situation to deal with (although I have only read your opening entry and wanted to post straight away) but I know you have your head screwed on, Jellytot is gorgeous and happy and healthy and you will create a wonderful little life for her...
  I am going to read the rest of the posts All read .... but consider me subscribed!!!