Is it worth trying to get child support from this man?

A question about : Is it worth trying to get child support from this man?

I have a 6 month old baby who was the result of a relationship I had with a guy from Sicily. Her father left the UK when I was about 10 weeks pregnant because he was due to return to Sicily, where I understand he lives with his parents. He was very upset about news of the pregnancy, and though he contacted me after he left saying he wanted to see me, when he found out I was going to keep the child he refused to speak to me about it.

Now, I am thinking there is something a bit unfair about him just disappearing while I am left to bring up the child with no financial support from him at all. On the other hand, he lives in Sicily and I am not sure if there is any recourse I can take to try to get any support from him, if it would be worth it and if it would be fair to him. I don't think he comes from a well off family but his friend told me recently that he was shortly to take over his father's job which he suggested would be a stable job.

So what I want to know is, is there anything I can do about this and would you bother in my shoes or just leave it alone? I have his home address so he could probably be traced. Whether it would do any good is another matter. Plus, I don't really want him to hate me or feel I've ruined his life.

Best answers:

• Apply for CS and see how it goes, I don't know if Sicily has a REMO agreement, but you can look at the CSA site or other sources to find out.
• If you can afford to bring up the child alone then I would leave it. If you will need to rely on state handouts then he should pay his share.
• Thanks for replies - I know Italy has a REMO agreement and I assume Sicily would come under that? Looby-loo - I am not completely self-sufficient which was why I was thinking really he ought to contribute something.
• Anyway the issue is not really about who wants the baby is it? The fact is she's his child........a lot of people try to claim child support from a parent who doesn't want to know. If he doesn't want to see her that is his choice but a separate issue from financial responsibility.
• playinghardball is currently going through REMO and may be able to help.
  It is extremely difficult to decide whether to have an unexpected baby - those not female and not having been there will find it hard to understand
• That's a whole different debate for a different part of this forum ... but yes OP, you decided not to go theough with the abortion. He had no choice. You had a choice whether to bring a child into the world whereas he didn't. This is a tricky topic.
  Only you can decide whether its worth persuing child support from him if the option to do so is there, which it appears it is. A few people on here are applying through REMO so if you decided to, they could possibly help with any questions you have.
• Hiya Aphroditierlkjerl (what a name!)
  I'm going through REMO right now, and will post again to you later today (after work)
  ALL PARENTS MUST PAY FOR THE OUTCOME OF CREATING A CHILD - NO MATTER WHAT COUNTRY THEY RUN OFF TO, or what the circumstances was around the actual facts of how that child was created! (talking about normal and consenting adults here) I do hope that not one person will come onto this thread and tell you not to persue REMO. This man, no matter how much he earns, should pay something towards his creation.
• Perhaps some woman should do as your male friend does ... and ask a new partner what they would want to happen in the event of an accidental pregnancy.
  Abortion is an option, whether you (universal you, not you OP) choose to take it is up to you. But I just find the suggestion that IF you create a child you MUST support it financially a tad hypocritical as that statement only applies to men. Women do have a choice and some women do opt for an abortion. But if a man dare says "I really don't think it is right for us to have a baby" they are told "well you shouldn't have had sex then, you know the risks." Seems a bit like double standards to me.
  Goes the same for if a man really wants his child but the woman decides she doesn't. She isn't forced to then go through with the pregnancy and subsequent finanial/emotional support for the rest of her life.
  As for him removing the condom mid intercourse without you knowing ... I find that so odd. Sorry. I can't imagine not noticing lol
• 'As for him removing the condom mid intercourse without you knowing ... I find that so odd. Sorry. I can't imagine not noticing lol'
  ok, shell you obviously think I'm a liar so I am not going to keep defending my position to you - why should I? I know what happened and you should not judge everyone else by your life and experiences.
  Abortion is not an option for a woman who thinks it is WRONG and would not be able to live with that decision.
• What about people for whom abortion is against their religion? Or those that just plain can't kill something of their own blood? Abortion is not the natural answer, it is a solution for people who screw up. Its also not to be taken lightly, I know a few women who've had one and while most are fine a few were really messed up by it.
  Condoms are very effective, not 100% but nothing is. Glove up and reduce the risks, its a very simple choice. If you are not willing to wear one, accept the consequences of your actions. Even if its an accident, its your accident. Could have stayed home and had a **** and there wouldn't be a problem. If anything us blokes have it easy, the woman has to make the choice then we get someone to blame if we don't like how they chose.
• Hello Aphroditesgirdle
  You persue the remo nothing to lose and could be something to be gained for your little girl. However, a word of caution I think Sicily is run ... (dont know how to put this in words) I think they have their own rules, I dont think Sicily is the same as Italy. I think were he Italian it would be more straightforward.
  Please let us know how you get on I would be interested to know that even though Sicilian when it came to cs the laws were in place and working. Nothing in italy/sicily is straightforward you picked one hell of a nationality there girl my trepidition could be unfounded though.
• That's your opinion Tek Monkey. I don't agree. I think some men do not have it easy and I think the "choices" are in favour of the woman.
  For your woman messed by an abortion, I've heard of some using it as contraception whereas a man has to live with the consequences ... or those men who lose a child they so wanted because the woman chooses she doesn't want to have the responsibility of a child.
  OP I'm not calling you a liar. I apologise if my comment upset you I just found it bizarre! Please don't let words on a screen upset you. I've already said as the opportunity to claim child support from your child's father is there then do it if you want to! Look into REMO.