Having a baby aged 35 or over

A question about : Having a baby aged 35 or over

Hi all

Looking to speak to women who have had children aged 35 or over and their experiences. Because of circumstances, I won't be trying for a baby until at least aged 36 but I am worried about this, especially in terms of the information out there about fertility dropping after 35 and women having trouble conceiving at an older age. I would like more than one child also.

My questions mainly are:
How old were you when you had your first child?
How long did it take to conceive?
Any complications that were age related?
Did you go on to have more children? (same questions)

Best answers:

• I do hope I'm not the first person to reply as my story isn't perfect
  I was 39 when I fell pregnant, 40 when I had littl'un. I fell pregnant very quickly after coming off the pill, it was about a month later.
  I had complications (intra-uterine notching) which resulted in a very premature birth. Our son is deaf and autistic. I have no idea whether the problems were related to my age, or just me. Unfortunately we haven't been blessed with another child, not for want of trying
  One work colleague had her first child last autumn, age of 36, no issues. Another work colleague had her daughter at 42, again no issues. So there are plenty of happy stories out there too!!
• My aunt had her 2nd at 42 and 3rd at 44.
  Both conceived naturally with no problems, and no issues with either boys (who are now teenagers!)
  You would be best speaking to your mum and gran about family fertility, menopause age etc...
  We are currently trying for our 2nd (i am 35) and i am now on my 2nd miscarriage.
• Thanks for responses. I only know one person who had her first at 38 and her experience was fine. I just need to hear others. I also have GPs breathing down my neck about not leaving it too late (don't worry I put them straight that it is my decision when I do it).
  My mum and grandmother and my sister have had no fertility issues but all had their children very early from late teens/early 20s
  However we have all suffered terribly with bad periods. I have been on birth control since age of 14 to control them. My nieces have just began theirs and one is having same issue so this must run in our family ?relevance.
• I know plenty of women who had children in their late 30s and had no problems at all. There is a lot of talk about issues after that age because indeed, it is a fact that fertility reduces and risks increases, but that doesn't mean that pass 35, your chances of getting pregnant fall by 50% nor that the risk increase by that same proportion.
  I don't think there is forcibly a link between bad period pain and fertility, unless the painful periods can be attributed to andometriosis. If you are concerns, there are tests that you can do that would give an indication of your fertility level, as well as interventions to check if your tubes are healthy. I doubt you could get these under the NHS (well maybe the blood test for fertility), but if you are worried, you might want to do all the tests available to be reassured. Of course, nothing is certain when it comes to falling pregnant.
• My mum had me aged 37 conceived first cycle, my sister at 39 second cycle. Both totally healthy and normal (as far as we know!) she had zero issues in pregnancy.
• When I say bad periods, I don't mean pain, I mean really heavy. No sanitary protection could hold it. I had many embarrassing encounters at school as a teen. We all had same problem.
  I have read about tests that can be done but at present, I don't see a lot of point as I could not do anything about it right now. I am 34 but not ready for a baby at this point. I think any problems that would flag up would just cause stress and anxiety.
• Thanks Aileth.
  Forgot to say that I was sorry for your loss Pinkshoes
• And I'm the salutary lesson that leaving pregnancy til later doesn't make it easy, or even that it will happen at all.
  Intermittent user of the pill since teens, regular periods, low BMI. Stopped the pill at age 38 and pregnant within 3 months - miscarried.
  Tried for another year with no success so visited GP - blood tests show hormone levels are excellent so purchase a digital fertility monitor to check when ovulation occurred. Still no pregnancy after another year. Referred to hospital - told that I need to go to a fertility clinic, which we need to pay for.
  Fertility clinic really pleased with my hormone levels so start ivf - likely chance of success put at 25%. Body doesn't respond well to the drugs so 95% of the eggs that they are looking to retrieve don't mature enough. Only one egg retrieved. Become pregnant - and miscarry. IVF again with even higher dose of drugs - body still doesn't respond well. Only one egg again - actually too immature to fertilize until the next day. No pregnancy.
  Now told that my chances of success are less than 5%. Due to my age most of my eggs are now duff and they can't even get enough to do the expensive chromosome testing that will show which are the viable ones.
  Do a lot of soul searching and have counselling before we accept that our only chance of success is by accepting the help of an egg donor. Donor is 32 but it still doesn't work! 2 frozen embryos left so use these - already signed up for another 2 fresh attempts (Ј900 just to go on 2 waiting lists!). Pregnant with twins! Lose one twin and finally have my daughter at age 43 and nearly Ј25,000 poorer.
  Yes, women over 35 can, and do, have babies but many find that it doesn't happen and that the NHS testing uses up months and years whilst fertility is already declining. Many clinical commissioning groups will not fund the recommended 3 cycles of IVF and the cost of private treatment is steep and with no guarantee of success. The basic hormone tests done by a GP are a far from accurate predictor of fertility, as I have proved, so I would recommend having your AMH levels tested privately as this is now widely believed to be more reliable.
  I hope you don't think I'm scaremongering - but I certainly never thought that getting, and staying, pregnant would be as hard as it actually was.
• My aunt had her son (my cousin) when she was 45!! At first she thought that the reason her periods had stopped was the menopause, and she was a bit shocked to find that she was expecting!
  No problems during the pregnancy or birth, and the child (now 15) is also fine, doesn't have Downs or anything like that.
  It's not always the case that older women have babies with disabilities, and your doctor has no right whatsoever to be 'breathing down your neck' !!
• I think the upshot is that ladies over 35 are going to have more of a likelihood of struggling to conceive and having issues with the pregnancy and birth, and also a higher risk of imperfections with the baby, than younger ladies.
  But it's not a given, and lots of ladies have no issues at all, with the pregnancy OR with the baby. I think (I may be wrong,) but I think that Esther Rantzen had 3 babies over the age of 35; 2 in her 40s, with (as far as I know,) no issues with any of them.
  Also, my friend had 2 babies when she was 36 and 39; no issues.
  My cousin had a baby at 39 - no issues. Didn't have anymore by choice,
  Madonna had 2 babies past 35. No problems. Both kids fine.
  Same goes for many women.
  The risks are higher than when you are in your 20s, but there is still a relatively low chance of problems.
  Go for it, and best wishes to you! 36 is not old!
• LilElvis - I started this thread to hear all experiences so thank you for your input. I know that there must be bad and sad experiences out there and so I want to be prepared for every eventuality.
  I am glad that you have ended up with a daughter
  Thank you JEJ and Soleil Lune - some good stories there.
• I was almost 36 when I had my first after trying for 5 years.
  I had a difficult labour (delivered by ventouse) and had to have an emergency operation due to retained placenta.
  I then went on to have a second child when I was 38. Because of the previous retained placenta and the way she was lying I had to have a caesarian. Again the placenta wouldn't come away and they had to work with it (I was lying there listening to them saying they were going to have to do a hysterectomy). Eventually it came away but it was an awful experience.
  Due to the fact that the second retained placenta was much worse than the first the obstetrician recommended that I have no more so I was steralised 3 months later.
  I have to say that while both births were not ideal, I would go through it all again to have my kids.
  My only regret is that I didn't meet my husband until I was 30. I would much prefer to have had my children when I was younger.
  I don't know if the complications above were age related. But I do remember my notes were labelled "geriatric" - not very nice!
  ETA: My children both have a genetic condition (which their father only discovered after they were born) which will mean treatment when they are older. However that is nothing to do with the fact that I was an older mother. Genetic condition aside, they are both very healthy.
• I'm only just 35 and as it turns out, can't have children through male factor infertility issues. Its possible to get pregnant over 35 without too many problems.
  I have friends who have had babies over the age of 35, some getting pregnant immediately or accidentally. Being older does seem to increase the chances of multiple births and birth defects but that's a lottery. I was born when my mum was almost 41 and I'm fine. She did have a more difficult labour and that was down to age.
  What it comes down to is the potential for time running out if you do have problems conceiving. NHS testing takes forever and some PCTs will not fund your treatment over a certain age. So, when the time is right, check your local PCT policy on when you can go and get help (usually if you've been trying for 6 months).
  I would consider stopping your pill sooner rather than later as it can take up to a year for your body to get back to normal (use other contraception though, just in case). Also start with the folic acid at least a year before you want to start trying.
  Try not to worry about the fertility dropping off a cliff stats though as every woman is different.