Girlfriends / boyfriends

A question about : Girlfriends / boyfriends

How old we're your kids when they started dating and what rules did you have? Would you allow a 16 year old to date an 18 year old?

Best answers:

• As long as she continues her studying and doesn't get pregnant, then that is your main concern.
• I can't see a problem with a 16 year old dating an 18 year old, and to be honest by the time they get to that sort of age it's very hard to 'police' who they see/date anyway.
• Think of it another way, they are both old enough to get married assuming parental consent for the 16 year old, so what is wrong with dating, if they are careful, take precautions against pregnancy, have their eyes to the future and want a career for themselves, which may include uni or college, and like each other, what is there to stop?
• It's not a case of "allowing" or not allowing - at 16/18 they will make up their own minds, whether you like it or not!
  I had to bear in mind the fact that I met my OH when I was 16 and he was 19, when my bright 16 year old DD met a lovely-but-dim 19 year old. He worshipped the ground on which she walked, and she, having 3 brothers who would tease her and did not worship that said ground, basked in the attention. He was all for getting engaged, getting married as soon as possible, etc etc etc. We (my OH and I) hated that idea - lovely as he was, we could see that DD would soon outgrow him - so we encouraged him to come around to our home BUT NOT STAYING OVER - but not when she had homework to do - and the relationship continued for almost a year - we were getting very twitchy, wondering whether we had assumed the correct attitude when one day he came in to us, broken hearted and said that DD had told him it was over! I wanted to turn cartwheels, but tried to be supportive of him, and told DD that she had been very mature about it all.
  Years later, she told me that she saw through our attitude - and would have dropped him sooner had we shown opposition to their relationship! I now think that as parents, you are damned if you do and damned if you dont!
• One of my friends kids started going out with a pupil two years ahead. 16 and 18 year olds.
  He is 18 now and she is 20. Seems to be going okay for them.
• Yes? There's hardly any difference between 16 and 18.
  However, I never ever stayed at my boyfriends house, or he mine.
  That's a whole other ball game.
• How could you stop them?!
  I would never allow them to have g/f or b/f to stay over
• My 15 year old son has just started dating a girl in his year. My daughter dated a lad the same age when she was 15, but is now engaged to someone three years older than she is. My ex was two years older than me - we met when I was 17. My sister met her husband when she was 17 and he was 24 - they've been together nearly 30 years.
  In many relationships there is a gap of a couple of years. Ages 16 and 18 do not sound unreasonable, and as others have said, it would be difficult to stop them.
• I had my first boyfriend when I was 14 and he was 16, and we broke up when I was 17. I started going out with my OH when I was 19 and he was 27.
  16 and 18 is nothing, really. I used to stay at his more than he used to stay at mine. His mum would make him sleep in his brother's room, but forgot that the brothers could go in each other's rooms via their own bathroom. Obviously we used to use that.
• DD's first boyfriend was when she was 15, and he was 16. DS2 was 17, and his first girlfriend was 15 (they are still together nearly 4 years on). I didn't allow room-sharing nor did I leave them alone in the house, but loved-up hormonal teens can be very sneaky, so I suspect some kind of sexual activity went on somewhere! It's great if teenagers do leave it until they're older to have boyfriends or girlfriends, but puberty is starting earlier and earlier these days, and part of normal development is having romantic/sexual feelings.
• In my opinion having rules about this kind of thing just leads to sneakiness. At that age they're going to date who they want to anyway and trying to stop it will just lead to lies. For example pretending they're going to see friends rather than their boyfriend/ girlfriend.
  Far better to be supportive of their choice and then you're far more likely to know what's actually going on and can be there for them if it does all go wrong.
  This is coming from someone who had quite strict parents so would regularly lie about where I was going, what I was doing and who I was seeing. Sadly there was one boy who pressured me into doing things when I was quite young and naive and I would love to have been able to talk to my mum about it at the time but never felt able to.
• I had my first bf at 16, he was 19, my parents were fine with it once they met him, it was long distance so he was allowed to stay over BUT we had to sleep in separate rooms, though we got around it by him staying in a hotel one night and me "staying at my friends" (though i think my mum worked that one out pretty sharpish). I was already on the implant and we used condoms anyway so i'f already planned ahead.
• Surprising a 18 year old girl would be interested in 16 year old boy.
  Are they 366 days apart or 1094? (if I got my maths right)
• DS is 16 and his girlfriend is 18, they have been together for 18 months now, seems to work for them.
• I don't think there would be a problem with that sort of age gap at the age they are.
  Why so much opposition to having b/f & g/f's staying over though? If they're both over the age of consent and they want to stay with one another, let them! Remind them to be responsible, safe and respectful of other people in the house. When the time comes, I'd rather my children are at home with their partners in a safe and comfortable environment than at friends houses or roaming the streets! They're teenagers & if they want to sleep together, they will. Stopping them from doing it under your roof isn't the same as stopping them altogether. Where there's a will, there's a way!! Lol
• I started dating my DH when I was 15 (not far off 16) and he was 17. We are married and have been together for nearly 8 years!
  As long as they are mature, sensible and careful then I see no problem!