22 Mar 2015

A question about : Finally worked up the courage to write it all down...

Finally worked up the courage to write it all down...and now I feel a bit sick.

I've been lurking on the boards getting advice on moving around my debts for a while now but pretty much head in the sand for a few years now. Had a few mini LBMs and have managed to get new spending (mostly) under control.

Had a rough couple of years in a job I hated but was pretty grateful to have a job full stop. Was working as a mental health worker but finally left after years of frequent verbal and often physical abuse when I finally managed to get a new job. Spent couple of years taking credit to plug everyday spending shortfall when I didn't earn much and then when I earned decent money for the last year fI lived outside my means thinking I would stop soon and eventually take stock and pay it off. Half of the loan is from when I got finance to buy a new car in times of plenty.

My SOA looks weird I know and I know the advice on the newbies thread is to detail everything but my DH doesn't know I have all this debt and I really don't want to have to tell him. I know people might say this is the first thing I should do but please don't judge. He has always been really supportive and always made do and is really proud of the life we've built up. I don't want him to think I've let him down after everything he's done for me over the last 10 years. The mortgage lump sum covers all my contributions to shared pot. This is the minimum I could pay without explaining to him why I need to make more savings - i've already streamlined all shared bills and reduced my contributions after taking a lower paid job. I got really ill - partly with the worry over all of this I think and I've been on antidepressants for about 6months - hoping to come off this month and that will save me another Ј10 in prescriptions.

I can meet all my outgoings at the moment but it only leaves me with Ј100 a month for anything extra that comes up like car repairs etc. Plus this counts on my interest staying at 0% on credit cards and the Halifax one ends 0% deal on 22nd September. One of the reasons I've had to sit down and work all this out now is that I got turned down for a new balance transfer. Usually I just move the debt and forget about it for another year but this time they wont even credit check me just turn me down on 'affordability' grounds. Now got to try and save/generate over Ј2K by end of September or the interest will probably push me into overdraft. I have a good credit score and have never defaulted. Any advice on what to do here?

And I know I have it much easier than most people on here - I've read some diaries and you are brave inspirational people but i'm running out of options and it's keeping me awake at night. I spend hours thinking of ways to generate some income and I've been doing surveys and ebaying. I've paid off nearly Ј1000 by overpaying and ebaying but that was before I moved jobs so now feeling a bit sick at the thought of facing up to it all.

Had a NSD today though (harder than I thought) and I phoned round all my catalogue accounts and cancelled credit. Got NEXT to cancel charges on catalogue I never asked for but they sent anyway (read that on here title=Embarrassment) Plus sat down and had a big cry looking at SOA. Not seen the whole debt in black and white like that before. DFD is currently December 16th as that's when my loan ends but would love it to be sooner and then never make same mistakes again.

Monthly income after tax...........1333
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1333

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 700
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 0
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 22
TV Licence.............................. 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 0
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 30
Road tax................................ 2
Car Insurance........................... 30
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 12
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 67
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 10
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 883

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 0

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
Mortgage...................... 0........(700)......0
Total secured & HP debts...... 0.........-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
Loan...........................11756.....210...... .9.3
Halifax cc.....................2845.76...30........0
PO cc..........................3947.16...100.......0
Total unsecured debts..........18548.92..340.......-


Monthly Budget Summary

Total monthly income.................... 1,333
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 883
Available for debt repayments........... 450
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 340
Amount left after debt repayments....... 110

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 0
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -18,548.92
Net Assets.............................. -18,548.92

Best answers:

  • Firstly well done for taking that scary 1st step
    Like you i nearly had a heart attack learning we were 20k in debt i thought it was more like 12k
    I'm sure you'll get a few comments on your SOA the only thing i can see is there's nothing under groceries?
    I'm fairly new here and every day just being on this forum is giving me the inspiration to clear my debts i'm actually looking forward to being more frugal (Although this will be hard)
    Good luck in your journey
  • Well done on being brave enough to post. I can't see any savings to be made on your SOA, it's all pretty pared down to the minimum. I'm assuming your joint bills (inc in mortgage amount) you've already cut right back on, eg grocery bills, nights out, sky. Have you tried a spending diary in case there's some invisible spending sneaking in?
    You're on anti depressants and you still can't sleep. You are with a man who loves you and the way you describe him it's obvious you care deeply for him. If the tables were turned would you want him to tell you?
    I'm sure someone will be along with better advice soon, but good luck. You've taken the first step.
  • Thank you sista! You don't know how much it means to hear that - was so scared people would instantly judge!
    Having read a few people's diaries I know there will prob be holes picked in the SOA but the 700 does cover everything like mortgage/ utilities/ groceries/ half the loan we took out for house renovations/ Vets bills/ food etc for the dogs...
    Feels like DFD is never gonna happen at the mo and I really need to do it without anyone finding out
  • Well done for the courage to try and take charge of your debts
    The good news is that as things stand, you can start to make a dent in your debts as you have a surplus after the minimum payments are sorted out.
    Is the Ј700/month really for absolutely everything else? All food and any eating out included? What about entertainment, haircuts, household emergencies, clothing? Does that all come out of there or do you have to find it out of the surplus Ј110?
    I'm not judging you for not telling your partner about your debt - but I would strongly advice you to do it at some point. You guys are in this marriage together, and as bad as you (and he) might feel working through the problem, I'd imagine it will be a load worse if you have to keep all this to yourself. Or if he finds out by accident!
    In any case, you may not have enough left over to really tackle your debts if that Ј110 isn't really surplus, in which case you are going to need to work together to try and change the way you live and get that debt reduced.
    It's a tough situation to be in, although I can see you've had a tough time - but you have some more tough decisions coming up I think! Good luck and keep posting here, there is loads of good support and advice to help you through
  • Oh also, you mentioned Next but they aren't on your unsecured debt list, are they paid off or is this ongoing?
  • Thank you Barbeduk! Your DF signatures was one of the things that inspired me to post - i read your comments on coco's thread.
    I know he would want me to tell him but I also know how disappointed he'd be and we've both been under a lot of pressure after eveything that happened to me at work. Now I'm out of that I hope I won't need the pills for much longer...and the comfort spending has stopped. I really need to get on top of everything myself before I can even think of telling him. I feel sick at the thought of it!
    Cut right back on jt bills. We don't have sky or anything like that - hardly ever go out - like not even once a month. He already does without so many things so I could take a different job on less money -feel like I cant ask him to do anymore!
  • Yep next is paid off - put it on the cc as it's 0% and haven't spent on it for nearly a year now.
    Hair/ clothes has to come out of the surplus but DH pays when we (rarely) go out and has paid for haircuts - but tbh am happy to do without.
    All household bills are in the 700 so am lucky- he picks up a lot of the slack.
    Had to psych myself up just to come on here so not quite sure i'm up to telling anyone face-to -face yet!
    Thank you for all the support - means so much after doing this on my own for so long!
  • Lorna - just to add to the many other people here saying well done. Unless you've done it yourself it's hard to appreciate how difficult it is to face up to debts that you've run up. I understand your reasons for keeping this from your husband.
    Have you thought about surveys/cashback as a way to save a bit of money - it's not a huge amount, but as Mr Tesco says, every little helps.
    Off topic slightly, but are you reviewing your medication for depression? It took me 4 meds to get it right, I had a lot of trouble sleeping and managing my mood on previous meds.
    You've done well to come this far, and you'll get there - there are lots of us in the same boat.
    Well done.
    S.
  • It's a long, tough road ahead, but you've just turned the keys in the ignition, strapped your belt on and you're ready to move...once you get moving on your journey, you may even enjoy it and the satisfaction of seeing your debts drop will be the scenary on your trip!
    That's how I envisaged my journey anyway from when I had my LBM in Nov 2010, now, I'm nearly there and it's taught me a lot...keep at it and always update on here, it's brilliant support!
    You've just done the hardest part in doing your first post and facing th facts, well done
  • Thank you! had a meds review couple of weeks ago and its actually been worse since then but i think thats because ive been worrying about all this after being turned down for new balance transfer. i know how lucky i am compared to loads of people on here which is another reason im so grateful people have taken the time to offer their support to me!
    doing all the survey sites i can find. springboard is one ive used over a year that i havent seen mentioned in the forums. ive had two payouts from them but takes so long to build up credit with them...
  • Pugzy thank you! and im determined to be able to start crossing off numbers on my own signature sooner rather than later. feel like a big weights been lifted tonight-thank you to all of you
  • Thanks again to everyone who posted yesterday. slept like a baby for the first time since i reduced my meds. It makes such a difference and having read loads of info on these boards last night am all psyched up to generate some more cash and keep doing the right thing on current spending. plus ive gone from feeling like cutting back is a chore to feeling quite upbeat about it-have a feeling it might be more addictive than first thought!
    finally feeling like i have a way out of this :-)
  • Firstly well done on your LBM, this is the first step on being debt free. I just wanted to post some words of encouragement. Have a look at my signature, LBM for me was Ј45K, DFD seemed so long away and I am now only Ј4K in debt, nearly paid off 2 years early.
    You done the first step, its going to be a hard slug at times but seeing your balances coming down makes it all worth while.
    The one thing I would suggest is speak to your other half, a worry shared is a worry halfed and he might be initially angry or upset but like most on here who were in the same situation like you, their other halfs were after the initial shock very supportive.
    I have no other half so I confined to my mum who was a rock for me.
    Good luck on your DFW journey
  • Hey,
    Just found your diary and wanted to say good luck and you've come to the right place for help
  • Thanks guys, really grateful for all the useful advice that keeps on coming been feeling really positive since I started this thread and every time I have a little wobble and start to obsess I come on here and it really bucks me up so thank you!!!!
    Am thinking after reading all the suggestions on SOA that I need to think about my car. The other travel cost is fixed for my rail season ticket which I have an interest free season ticket for through work but it comes out after tax so have included it separately. At the moment I use my car to get to railway station but will look into whether bus would be cheaper than car costs in which case I could sell it. Train is deff cheapest commute with petrol and parking considered. Did mega amounts of research when working out whether I could afford to take this job
    The payments on the cards are the minimum - i was surprised it was so high on the PO card but it goes down the more I pay and that one is good till next year so hoping to up my payments on halifax and get that paid off as soon as possible - Thanks for the plan on that D9 - makes a lot of sense to do it that way.
    We have netflix paid for out of joint account so thats pretty much my entertainment at the mo and me and DH do a lot of cheap outdoors things. Only get my hair cut a couple of times a year even when I have money and only a cheap trim (Ј10 ish at training college) so just plan to take out of my surplus in those months. Don't really live that crazy when i'm happy. Just spent a lot when I was struggling to get through in old job and topping up basic bills and buying presents on cc/ stuff we needed when we bought house etc all added up. Am reasonably confident I can avoid falling into trap again once i've paid all this crap off! (But most of us think that right?!)
    I'll look at the mobile - i'm locked in but hadnt thought about asking to drop tarriffs - great idea!
    No overtime offered at my work (again DH does loads so I don't have to pay as much into joint costs - I had to lie about how much my new salary was so he wouldnt wonder why I have no money when there's over 300 pound debt repayments a month - hate the lying ) but I have been volunteering for everything going at work in the hope they'll consider me for payrise/promotion within next year. Had good feedback from everyone but it depends on economy etc and how much money the place has. In the meantime I'm doing all the survey stuff and I think i'm gonna try amazon for books and DVDs since ppl on these boards reckon thats better than ebay.
    All the monthly car costs go in a separate account on dd that I dont touch except to pay car bills but the presents etc was just me guesstimating how much i need to allow per month - need to sort out a dd for that too really
    Such a relief to get some ideas and not having it knock around just in my head! feeling so motivated to get it sorted now and want to get a signature sorted when I've made some headway to show everyone how much it helps being on here. Really so grateful!
  • Really glad you feel a lot more positive today. Have you joined any of the challenges on here yet? Can totally recommend the lovely people on the 'pay off all my debt by Christmas' thread (it's on debt free diaries, usually page 1 or 2 as it's so chatty). A lot of posters on there have dfd in 2013 or beyond but it's just the encouragement and motivation of chatting to other people who feel like you do!
    Thanks so much for your kind words, that really meant a lot. I had an awful time at the start, felt like such an idiot. Had had the debt building up for 6 years and just ignored it. Such a relief that it's gone.
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