Emotional Impact of being on DMP

A question about : Emotional Impact of being on DMP

I'm really struggling emotionally with the fact I am on a DMP... will be debt free in 2016 hopefully, so not insurmountable. But, I'm giving myself quite a hard time having gotten myself into this situation; my debts were mainly accrued during my student days and I now have nothing to show for them apart from the restrictions of being on a DMP... my main issue at the moment is some of my friends attitudes towards debt... one so called friend said she would never date somebody in debt because she didn't want to end up bailing them out (assuming that person is bad with money because they are in debt)... this same person was given a house by their parent to avoid inheritance tax (she claims)... didn't work for the house etc. That's not my issue, it's her attitude and insensitivity, that basically makes me feel like c***, although the end is in sight. Of course she's entitled to her opinion, but it brings up feelings of shame for me... as if being in debt is the worst thing ever. Has anybody got any gems of wisdom? Sensible replies please

Best answers:

• Two years will fly by. Best thing to do is take the positive out of the situation - you've accrued debt, you've suffered but you've solved the problems and you will be in a good position in the not too distant future.
  I am not on a DMP and my debts are relatively low. I will be debt free on 23rd December 2015 and I will never be in debt again.
  Learn from the experience.
• Anyone can get into debt at any time and it's easy to be judgemental about it if it's never happened to you.
  You have taken control of your debt problem, and you're sorting it out.
  Only you can decide whether or not you're going to let someone with no personal knowedge of being in debt, or any tact, affect you.
  Personally, I just wouldn't discuss my situation any further with them, and I would ask them to keep their opinion of my situation to themselves.
  If she's just generally commenting on being in debt, then you're going to have to learn to ignore it.
• In my experience, many people who talk about debt in the way you say your friends do probably have debt themselves and may be posturing to make themselves feel better, they may be testing the water to find out your position on debt. I wouldn't even discuss the matter with them because it's none of their business.
  As for the girl who wont date people because they have debts and she thinks she'll have to bail them out, well.... she has a very high opinion of herself and to be honest, I wouldn't date someone like that anyway.
• Everyone has their opinion I guess and some of us are naturally more sensible than others. Some of us have to learn the hard way. It is hard being in a DMP. None of our mates know about ours but you still feel excluded from normal life in some way. Knowing you can't get a phone contract or whatever and even though I wouldn't want to take them up, those pre-selected loan applications that keep coming through seem a little personal. Like they are saying 'go on, apply, then we'll say no and all have a big laugh at you'. But that's the price we pay for the situation we are in.
  Personally, we are paying back something like Ј10k of debt a year including the mortgage and a business loan on which I stupidly gave a personal guarantee. The DMP is currently going nowhere although our income should improve next year with a new job. Even though Ј10k is a lot and we are finally going in the right direction, we have a good few years to go yet before we are in the black.
  I try to keep positive and think about the first year where that Ј10k goes into savings or we can finally buy a decent car with money we earnt rather than borrowed or whatever but it seems so far away and it's such a slog when you have very few options.
  In your case, 2016 is not far away at all. One thing I have done is to create a spreadsheet with all my debts going down in columns at the current pay off rate. Every month I go into it and change the background of that line to blue to indicate it's all paid. I also have a tally of total remaining and total paid that year. When I go in and look at it now, I can see 3 years of paid off debt and when I look at the total at the top and the total now, it's a real achievement. I've also marked the months that each default will fall off and the tide of blue is gradually creeping up to them.
• I was on a DMP for a year and then a year ago I went self-managed. I should be debt-free by September 2015.
  2016 really isn't that far away, so not long to go. I've found the experience of starting a DMP and actually dealing with the debts a positive one over all. Although its scary at first, I started to get a real buzz from paying off the creditors and getting those balances down to zero.
  There is a weird stigma for some people about being in debt. I've found it in work when I've mentioned my credit card debt to some people they go quiet and don't feel comfortable talking about it. I wouldn't give a monkeys about what this girl thinks. Generally people who attack others have lots of hidden issues themselves. This is only a temporary thing for you, you'll be debt free soon and a much better person for having gone through that journey and reached your goal.
  Good luck with it. Remember you're making positive changes in your life, so thats something to feel good about and proud of
• I also look at other people who are going down the same road we did. You can't tell them where it's leading as they always think it's under control as they consolidate again and boast about the low rate they are paying because of their excellent credit rating. Debt is slavery at the end of the day.
• Yup a DMP life can be a tough one. I'm about 2 years in and still about 4 to go, but I do feel better about being able to budget for things and finally understanding the cost of debt.
  The girl who talks about debtors like they are sub-beings whilst being 'provided for' is probably quoting something she heard from someone else - maybe a rich (and possibly sensible) mummy or daddy? And who cares what she thinks really ?
  You are facing you debts, dealing with the challenges of a DMP and not running away, be proud, be glad and be happy you have found a better way for the future.
  And shameless plug for DMP mutual support thread, we are always about if you need advice/rant or a shoulder
• Thanks for the replies... apologies for the delay in responding.
  A forum like this is so helpful with regards to getting things into perspective and hearing a wide selection of view points rather than a select few 'friends' who have no idea what being on a DMP is. Actually, I do actually have a friend who has been on one and she is now self-managing. A very positive person too I might add despite her debts... a real star!
  Unfortunately, I've met several people who have had things given to them on a plate, which can be hard sometimes. But, these people have other 'issues' to content with and aren't particularly happy when you would expect them to be...So things aren't always as they seem. I am glad I'm tackling my debts now and 2016 isn't far away. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner! Hopefully, I will meet somebody one day who won't care that I don't have a house in the country or million pounds in the bank
• Welcome back, so pleased you can see some positives, every little helps and 2016 is really not that far away.
  Good luck with it
• Hi Gaia,
  Just read through the thread.
  I have just started a DMP of my own, and my reply to your first post is simple:
  You are being responsible. You are being accountable. You are dealing with the debt.
  That's a good thing!
  Hope you feel better about the DMP soon and feel free to join us on the DMP thread.