doing right by your kid????

A question about : doing right by your kid????

hello.
as i have recently got back to work my ex partner is trying to maximise her income whilst using access to the son as leveridge. i am happy to support my chid as i have always done whilst previously employed. but i want to do this in a way that i know he will be the benefactor not her extravagant lifestyle. she currently earns around 550 per month gets wft of around 550 and child benfit of around 90 totaling around 1200 with 100 paid towards her rent ( which leaves 375). on wft calculator it state only taxable income is counted but if i was to give her the amount she requests/demand/blackmails for whch is 140 per month. would that be seen as significant non taxable income? and there fore alter her current allowance. this figure is not unreasonable but i would like to make sure it is all used for the benefit of my child.?? also as my income minus living costs ; rent food c/tax and travel expense for work is minimal would csa take a percentage of my income or expendable income after these factors????
cheers for any help in advance.

mik8

Best answers:

• I think that you'd be better posting this on the Child Support Forum (above) but I have to say that she can hardly be living an "extravagant lifestyle" on the figures you quote!
• After feeding, clothing, nurturing and all the other 1001 things that a child needs do you honestly think that there would be a penny left over for her
  'extravagant lifestyle' Your living in cloud cuckoo land. Ј35 quid a week, your getting away really lightly man.
  And what her earnings are and what she spends them on has absolutely nothing to do with you.
• You may be better off posting this in the child benefit part of this board, Mike but I will try and answer your post here.
  From what I have understood you are trying to deal with three issues. The first is how much child maintenance your ex is owed, the second is how your ex chooses to spend the maintenance money and the third is contact issues.
  For the first as far as I can tell, you will be on CSA2 if your ex-partner has never put in a claim for child maintenance before. This is a straight percentage of your take home pay (ie after tax and NI). It seems like you have one child so it would be 15% less a reduction for nights per week that he spends with you but this link might give you some idea of the figures the CSA would recommend.
  https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/...aintenance.asp
  You (or she) can ask for a variation on the basic percentage in certain circumstances such as if you are paying off joint debts, if you spend a lot of money travelling to see you son etc.
  The second issue is how your ex spends the money you give as maintenance: In my opinion it is pointless worrying about whether all the money be spent on your son directly - for example she will spend it on a proportion of heating/electricity etc and so will indirectly benefit from those things. If she owns a house then a proportion of it will be spent on the mortgage to put a roof over your son's head but she will gain from any capital increase in the house and when the mortgage is paid off, with the whole capital within the house. If she chooses to spend it on holidays then both she and your son will be benefiting but is this not better than your son never having a holiday? etc etc. If it is any consolation I have two children living with me and I spend 33% of my gross salary (probably about 40-45% if my net) on them both as well as the child related benefits I get - and we shop in places like Matalan and Asda - so a good proportion of her income will probably spent on your son ie if her lifestyle is luxurious then his is likely to be too.
  However, if the CSA recommend that you pay say Ј100 a month and you are prepared to pay Ј140 then do not pass the Ј40 to your ex - use it to spend directly on your son in any way that you choose. Likewise if you have a reduction of 2/7ths say in your maintenance due to him staying over with you for two nights per week (this is worked out as an average over the year btw) then make sure that you spend the 2/7th directly on your son rather than allowing the ex to have a say.
  Watch out for emotional blackmail such as sending your child to you in ill fitting or holey clothes - have some decent clothes at yours and send him back in the ones he came in.
  For the third issue - in this country access and maintenance are not linked. She is being unfair in trying to link the two things and personally I would come down heavy. Negotiate how often you will see your son and tell her that this is now how it is, warn her (nicely) that if she refuses access then tell her that you will go to a solicitor, if she continues to refuse access then tell her that you will take her to court. If it goes this far then ask the judge to issue a judgement on access with a punitive clause so that if she fails you can go straight back to invoke it. If things get bad then join Families Need Fathers https://www.fnf.org.uk/ as they can offer good advice - it costs a nominal amount each year. Personally if things get really bad then I would sue for custody as how can someone who does not allow access of a son to his father possibly be able to put the child's best interests at heart? Basically let your ex know that you will stop at nothing to maintain contact with your son and her life will be a lot more difficult if she tries it.
  Good luck and do keep up us posted.
  Sou
• Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move threads if they’ll receive a better response elsewhere(please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to another board, where it should get more replies. If you have any questions about this policy please email abuse@moneysavingexpert.com.
• It is difficult to ascertain whether a child is directly benefiting from child support payments or not
  I am a PWC and I can confirm that the Ј26 received from my ex does directly benefit my daughter, her driving lessons alone cost Ј20+ a week, and school lunches are Ј10 a week - I just wish that my ex would tell the truth about his income (self employed) and pay what he should pay.
  I am also a NRPP and I can confirm that the Ј60 a week we pay to hubby's ex may directly benefit his daughter - she's healthy and she's happy and she has a roof over her head. Yeah we begrudge paying his ex all that money - and her house / cars / holidays / lifestyle suggest that she doesn't need it - but we are paying what we have been assessed to pay but we are happy in the knowledge that this all comes to an end very soon
• that's maybe why she wants to sleep in the dog's bed when she comes to our house !
• If you're opening a completely new case with the CSA, then you will have to pay 15% of your net income with a one seventh allowance off this figure for each overnight stay your child stays with you. This would be on the current CS2 rules as I don't think they're assessing under the new CMEC (CS3) rules just yet.
  If you currently have a CSA case running since 2003, then you'd be assessed under the same rules. Living expenses such as housing costs & council tax are NOT taken into account under this system.
  If you have a case that was opened pre-2003, then you're probably under the old CS1 rules in which these housing costs are taken into account but the formula is completely different to work out your assessment.
• Wow they'll be living a life of luxury on less than Ј35 a week !
  Whatever happened to the idea that parents should suport their children instead if leaving it up to the tax payer.
• I understand some of the reactions to the OP's post, but come on, the children aren't expected to live off of Ј35 a week. A NRP isn't expected to fund their child's life style fully, the PWC gets Child Benefit, any tax credits and then some of their income should also go towards their child's upkeep.
• Add to that any money or expenses covered by a NRP when the child is with them.
• Not all PWCs get anything other than Chb from the government - I don't.