advice on what to feed a toddler

A question about : advice on what to feed a toddler

my son and d-i-l have been visiting from abroad with my granddaughter who is 3. my d-i-l is a rather anxious person and determined everything must be perfect for her daughter. so she has been a big advocate for attachment parenting and also for a healthy diet . this means there is a very limited range of things Elsa can eat which d-i-l considers healthy. Elsa is tiny for her age and very thin but my d-i-l does not seem to connect the two things ie her weight and her diet

now they have been here for a few days this is what Elsa is allowed to eat. oatmeal with milk and an apple for breakfast. plain full fat yogurt and a banana for lunch. carrots peas and a pear for dinner. occasionally if they are out she will be allowed to nibble part of parents healthy salad or sandwich . she drinks full fat milk and water only. d-il did buy some cheese the other day _but it has stayed in the fridge unopened. i have never seen her serve eggs. i suggested some mash potato but was told elsa has a problem digesting it. no bread unless it is fully 100% organic wholemeal and then only in tiny amounts. Nothing at all which might contain sugar in any form not even fruit juice.

now I don't know what toddlers on a healthy diet are allowed to eat these days ? does this sound about right or is there anything else I can suggest. ? being f-i-l I have to tread very carefully as she does not like getting advice.

Best answers:

• Wow, she is eating what my 6 mo used to eat, little amounts of fruit and veg. Basically my 3 yo eats like us just smaller portions. So any muesli (sugar free if preferred), fruit and veg, chicken, lamb, any other meat too or vegetarian alternatives, bread, yogurts. At three she should be able to eat just like her parents unless she has medical dietary issues, I think. So if they have a diet they consider healthy why don't they just share that with Elsa? My son also just drinks milk and water but because he likes it. Your granddaughter doesn't seem to get any protein from meat or pulses.
  Trying to avoid sugar and eating organic etc is ok, but I'm worried about the low calorie intake (if that's really all) and the lack of some food groups, like protein and carbohydrates.
• Toddlers go through massive growth spurts and need the calories to fuel it. My first LO was very premature and I was told by a top consultant that when she started weaning, try and give her plenty of calories- he even said put a spoonful of cream in with her porridge.
  Obviously I wasn't to keep doing that but he said while they are growing they need a massive amount of fuel.
  She is now a skinny as a rake but super healthy and very sporty.
  Eggs- a superfood for toddlers. My toddler loves raisins, cucumber, tomatoes, bananas, cheese chunks, chicken and pickle, baked beans (low sugar/salt). She likes a plain cracker to nibble on (I think it's the crunch she likes.)
  She has one biscuit mid-morning along with some fruit. Carrots and she would eat blueberries all day if I let her.
  To be honest, it doesn't sound anywhere near enough food. Does the mother have food issues herself? It is very easy to pass those anxieties on. I think your instinct is right but being a 1st time mum means she can be worried that she isn't getting it right.
• I don't think it is a misunderstanding of nutrition so much as high anxiety levels. Elsa must not be allowed to eat anything which might be "bad" for her in any way. This cuts out a great many foods. To be honest, there seem to be a lot of young mothers out there who have similar views.
  It is not possible to discuss anything about child rearing with her either and certainly not for me as she has very fixed views on the benefits of things like attachment parenting and the evils of sugar etc. I know her own mother has spoken to her about being more relaxed and also been told to keep out, so I certainly can't.
  My daughter gets on well with her and also tried to gently suggest a more varied diet for Elsa but got strenuously rejected. Her child is her life and she knows what is best for it. (She has never been separated from Elsa since she was born. She had never had a career or any ambition, has always wanted to be a fulltime mother and devote herself to her children. )
  They are now trying to have a second child. Remains to be seen if she can keep this up with two!
• Gosh, she's getting barely any protein which is needed for muscle growth.
  Have you tried talking to your son? It's his child too, so he should have an equal say in what she eats.
• unfortunately my son does not want to upset her in any way so will never contradict her. Elsa asked herself for scrambled eggs for breakfast this morning and her father cooked them and served them on wholemeal toast. So that was a plus. However my D-I-L realised this morning that we did not have any smoke alarms in the house and got very agitated about this so they have gone out to buy some for me.
• Seems that D-I-L is over-thinking everything. Has she seen her GP about her anxiety problem?
• Unfortunately her anxiety will be transmitted to her LO.
  It's a running joke in this house that I hate bananas- they make me heave. However, as they are such a good snack for children, neither of them realise I think they are the work of the devil. I happily hand them out and tuck in when my toddler wants to do sharing.
  The scrambled eggs are a really good move forward. We did attachment parenting too- but you need to have a balance in life, as with all things. I think your son is the way to go- he should perhaps gently suggest alternatives?
• If she's into attachment parenting, has she read anything about Baby Led Weaning? People who do one often do the other. Obviously your grand-daughter is already eating solids but there are some good ideas based on sound reasoning that can be applied to food for older children - it's pretty much letting your child get on with it and following what they want to eat, based on the idea that a child instinctively knows what they need. It's a very relaxed approach to food but it's healthy too. Maybe you could ask her views on it, say you saw it talked about online or something and wondered what she thought, and she might do a bit of reading when she's back home if she's not looked into it before.
• I agree with basically trying to agree with her in terms of doing the best. Read up on stuff yourself like how how certain vitamins in the fruit and veg she eats need "good" fat to be absorbed by the body. Or how good lean protein helps her muscles. Or good whole grain helps digestion and prevents colon cancer. Basically suggest food she's not eating and find a health benefit associated with it. Like omega 3 etc in fish for the brain. The list is endless.
  As she is anxious etc. maybe seem to support her ways, and encourage it by finding suggestions of additional foods that fit into her model of ideal nutrition without her thinking she's doing sth wrong.
  Good luck
• Thriftylass has it spot on about 'selling' different foods to your DIL. I'd be really concerned too, this little girl is eating food that a weaning baby would eat (although we did baby lead weaning so LO pretty much ate what we did, we skipped pur!es).
  I'd be surprised if LO has much energy, they are usually tearing around at 3.
  Good luck.
• Get her an Annabel Karmel cookbook. Lots of healthy suggestions she could try.
• thanks for all the replies. I think part of problem is they are quite isolated where they live. being here for a week d-i-l has eased up a bit. we had. organic pies from butchers yesterday (their idea ) and Elsa tucked in with relish. also think the concern about smoke alarms took mothers mind off fretting over food briefly. but still none of family is allowed to eat potatoes. have not got to bottom of that one. but they used to eat a lot of sweet potatoes and don't anymore. so maybe they disagreed with Elsa and all potatoes got banned......idea of Annabel kermel cookbook is a good one and will follow up
• I found the Annabel Karmel book very useful for interesting snacks- sometimes they can get fed up with the same foods, so I go one of her books from the library.
  I ended up buying my own copy- it tells you what they should be eating at roughly what times.
  I also like the Charlotte Hume vegetable book.
  We make a mean beetroot and cheese pizza which the kids love.
  Good luck.
• I have a 2 year old grandson his diet is as follows:
  Breakfast: Weetabix he has 2 with milk, Porridge 3 heaped dessertspoons with milk. He often has a slice of wholemeal toast after.
  Snack: Raisins or grapes or apple or banana
  Lunch: Sandwich 1 slice of wholemeal bread with either ham, cheese, jam, peanut butter and afew crisps.
  Snack: as above morning snack.
  Dinner: Shepherd's pie and veg, Fish and veg, Sausage n mash, Spag bol, Quiche and baked beans. Left over veg made into a omlette. He more or less has what his parents have had the previous evening.
  Bedtime: Milk and biscuit
  Drinks during the day are watered down pure fruit juice.
• Little one eats what I eat in smaller portions. I try to eat quite well so same goes for junior. Op whats the situation here?