advice on contact please

A question about : advice on contact please

Hi everyone,

My partner has a 5yr old son with his ex partner, they have been split 2years now. Contact is very inconsistent and we just wanted some advice whether theres anything he can do about this.

My partner works full time and has one weekend off a month, the rest of the weeks he has 2 days off during the week. at the moment he is only 'allowed' his son on the weekend off. My partner has been asking for a long time now to have him overnight during the week however it is always a no with no real valid reason other than it will ruin his routine. we provide a very stable environment he has his own bedroom there has been no reason in which we have given as to why it would not be suitable for him to stay here on school nights.
mediation is always a no when mentioned, partner and ex partners relationship is very volatile and contact goes through grandparents however this cannot go on forever?
any suggestions on whether seeing a solicitor is worthwhile or will a court not agree to overnight once a week.

Thanks in advance xx

Best answers:

• I have a 5yr old son and have been to mediation.
  It was in my sons best interests to remain at home during the week to maintain routine and consistency with school routine too.
  I would suggest your partner change his working pattern to suit his son , so he can see him more at the weekend, rather than expect to disrupt his childs routine too suit him.
• If mediation fails, go to court. Get a damn sight more than 2 days a month
• My brother has a court order giving him contact every other weekend (Fri pm to sun pm), one evening a week to stay for tea and a midweek overnight stay on the weeks he doesn't have the weekend. He also has half of all the half terms and holidays.
  He picks the children up after school and drops them off at school in the morning. It does not disrupt their routine because he is a sensible dad . Just because things aren't done exactly the same as at mums does not make it disruptive.
  OP, talk to a solicitor. It would be best for all if arrangements can be made without involving court, but if there is little other option then her refusal of mediation won't help.
• hi everyone,
  Thanks for the replies, there's no chance in the days off being changed that's a non-negotiable.
  hopefully with time her bitterness will subside and she will become more willing to let him have access more.
  at the moment court is not an option for the time being as finances aren't able to stretch that far. but it's definitely something we will think of and find the finances if it doesn't get better in the future.
• could you start by suggesting non-staying contact in the week? Maybe dad picking him up from school, and dropping him back to mum after supper, in time for bed?
  it gives him more time with his dad, and makes it less of a stretch to move to include overnights in the week in the future, and gives dad the opportunity to have a bit of involvment with the school.
• What about another weekend and then you can look after him? He can get used to you too, so every other weekend. If you work as a team it makes access easier.
• we may try after school, i know that was tried in the past and failed as ex would dictate what had to be done after school and in 4hrs it soon goes.
  That could be a suggestion Jagraf i will suggest that to partner when he comes home from work.
  Sorry it seems all negative from me with your suggestions we just seem to have exhausted them all and when its always a NO it's like banging your head against a brick wall. Hopefully in time and as he grows up and is able to make his own decisions it will change
• My DD is virtually grown up now so we are through it, but I will give you my perspective.
  I am mum and DD lives with me. I would have loved my DD to have an interested stepmom - she always seemed to be doing her own thing. I know now its very difficult for step mums as they don't know what to get involved with, as it seems sometimes you can't win as a stepmom.
  But maybe if you show that you are in it for keeps the mum will warm to the situation and then it becomes easier for dad.
  It's all very complicated I know. But if you show a united front, in a nice way, it works better.
  Good luck
• I agree jagraf, I do feel like I can never get involved as its none of my business, but there's no harm in trying is there x
• Totally agree elsien x
• Do you have any friends who have children the same age?
• My sister has a little one and I often look after her when he's round x